Told a friend an opinion...

[AtLastEarwax]

Hi all

So my friend has just announced a pregnancy. Huge surprise and so happy for her. She did it on Facebook with her daughter (who is 4) with a beauty filter on sitting alone holding a chalkboard saying it. I said my congrats etc etc the next time we saw each other we were talking about pregnancy announcements and I said that her daughter didn't need a beauty filter though and she's taken EXTREME offence.

She's saying she's deleting Snapchat and is anxious of using it etc. I didn't say it in a harsh way just that her daughter was gorgeous enough and then kissed her daughter in a lighthearted way. The filter made her look like a doll almost. Each to their own and it is just my opinion but do others use filters a lot?

Am I the minority?

You didn’t need to say that to her. It was unnecessary.

I fucking hate those ridiculous filters.

Using filters on kids is fucking grim. I hate it and would ask why she’d done it as dc is beautiful.

She shouldn't have used a filter. What is she teaching that girl?!

Yanbu, why would you use a ridiculous filter on a baby or even any child .
She obviously knew it was unnecessary and vane or she wouldn’t have reacted like a loony .

While I don't like filters, I wouldn't have said that to someone who does, especially when they used it to make such an announcement. I think that was a bit thoughtless of you.

I would apologise.

I agree with the sentiment but pick your moments! That wasn't it!

Yeah I wouldn't put beauty filter on child, unless it's for fun. But to announce a pregnancy with child on beauty filter, is odd. Why does anyone use beauty filter, to make yourself look better, it's not needed on children at all

I wouldn't use a beauty filter on my kids but you should of just kept it to yourself. She's taken offence and it could of just been completely avoided if you had just not said anything.

No, I don't use those filters. No, I don't think people need to use them, especially not for pictures of children. No, I don't think you needed to tell her that- were your opinions on her use of it asked for? Otherwise, what makes you think it was appropriate to give them?

There's a pet peeve thread on MN! You've just reminded me of my pet peeve! Those fecking filters on little kids alongside mummy who looks NOTHING like Bambi in real life. I really hate when parents do this. Kids are gorgeous! They're perfect. Why filter them? Parents bloody need the filters because we look like Bambi's turd without them. Still, I'd rather look like Bambi's turd. I just look like straight-up turd. My solution is to put no photos of me on any social media.
But kids? It's an insult to filter them. Anyway, rant over. I don't think you were out of order at all in saying the truth. Anyway, I'll jog on over to the pet peeve thread now.

I agree it was a pick your moments thing. I just spotted it straight away as it was so obviously her daughter didn't look real. It was odd. We use the ones with bear ears and spider on your face but wouldn't use them to beautify my children

Children's just have flawless skin and gorgeous features anyway lol

I don't use FB.

BUT 'beauty filter'.... maybe I should look into it 🤣

I agree it's unnecessary for a 4 yo.

I'm surprised you left it until you saw her to congratulate her?! Wouldn't the normal etiquette be to gush all over FB?

I guess how you said it is the key factor. If you said x is so cute, she doesn't need a filter! Then she's massively iver reacting. If you said 'I hate thise filters, they're unnecessary, you shouldn't use them' then I can see her point.

YABVU OP, your friend was excitedly sharing her pregnancy news and you used that as an opportunity to criticise her. Why rain on her parade? Learn to engage your brain before your gob in future.

It was a a bit harsh of you to say anything. She already did it, made the announcement took the photos and posted it. What did you think would happen when you gave your opinion? Did you expect your friend to feel good?

Bringing it up in front of her dd probably created more problems than using the filter did tbh.

She sounds like a very sensitive person. I don't think what you said was wrong but I'd be really careful what you say to her in the future.

I don’t like filters full stop, on children they’re particularly grim. I wouldn’t have personally passed comment though, I can understand why she felt upset.

I say good on you for saying something. My SIL uses filters in literally every photo age posts, including ones with my toddler nephew in. He looks so odd and I want to see his actual cute little face!

I thought maybe she wouldn't use them again really. It was in a light hearted way though. Her daughter on my knee and as I said it I hugged and kissed her like 'your beautiful enough' kind of thing

In hindsight she is very vain lol never realised that

I'm with you tbh. I think it's really creepy and insidious - imagine the that having no photos of yourself as a kid without a filter on would do to your self image?

I think putting a beauty filter on a child is disgusting behaviour but its so common I am guessing people who do this probably don't think too deeply about it. They probably add filters to everything without thinking. Let them get on with it.

I think it’s fucking disgusting to put a “beauty” filter on a 4 year old, and you did the right thing.

That wasn’t even just messing about for fun at home - yes, I have a daughter, yes she likes to see massive long lashes or cherries on her cheeks... It was choosing that altered picture for a once in a life time announcement.

You did the right thing making her think about the impact of that. Hopefully when the girl is a bit older, she’ll say, “so - mum, why did you think I wasn’t pretty enough for that photo?” and her mum can decide then whether your opinion was misplaced 🤷🏻‍♀️

Surely you can disagree with things your friends do without opening your mouth? I'm sure I do or don't do lots of things with my kids that friends / other parents would disagree with. You said something to her about how she presented her pregnancy announcement to make yourself feel better/superior, she could hardly turn back time and not post it. You felt that her hearing your opinion was more important than a choice she made.
I'm also slightly rolling my eyes that you also use filters with your photos just the right ones.

I'd apologise if I offended a friend like that. Especially in early pregnancy when I recall hormones were wild and I felt pissed off by most things! I'd just tell her that you meant to compliment her gorgeous child and it came out wrong, very sorry to have sounded judgmental.

Agree with everyone, not the time to say that

Also YABVU to use bear ear filters yourself!