Told a friend an opinion...

[AtLastEarwax]

Hi all

So my friend has just announced a pregnancy. Huge surprise and so happy for her. She did it on Facebook with her daughter (who is 4) with a beauty filter on sitting alone holding a chalkboard saying it. I said my congrats etc etc the next time we saw each other we were talking about pregnancy announcements and I said that her daughter didn't need a beauty filter though and she's taken EXTREME offence.

She's saying she's deleting Snapchat and is anxious of using it etc. I didn't say it in a harsh way just that her daughter was gorgeous enough and then kissed her daughter in a lighthearted way. The filter made her look like a doll almost. Each to their own and it is just my opinion but do others use filters a lot?

Am I the minority?

Good on you. Yes, she might be offended but hopefully it'll make her think about what effect she'll be having on her daughter's body image and self esteem.

YABVU OP, your friend was excitedly sharing her pregnancy news and you used that as an opportunity to criticise her. Why rain on her parade?hmm Learn to engage your brain before your gob in future

This. You were kind of a twat, OP.

People mess around with filters because they want to. My DD thinks they are a big laugh. There is nothing sinister in it, I can assure you I don't think my DD needs beautifying, or cat ears. Its just fun.

What’s a beauty filter?

To be honest it doesn’t sound like you like your friend very much?

I hate those filters generally. (Thank goodness the dog one seems to have disappeared!) I especially hate them on children. And ESPECIALLY especially if they are used on what is a 'normal' photo, rather than a 'ha ha look at this hilarious filter' photo.

But I wouldn't have said anything to her about it. Just quietly judged her.

Can I be the one to point out that you shouldn’t be kissing other people’s kids at the moment?

I think you were wrong to comment. I don't know why she did it, it maybe insecurity or just liked the way she looked with filter. But I don't think it's up to you to decide what she does, especially for big announcement.

I don’t like those filters, but you really shouldn’t have said anything. There was absolutely no need, and you’ve clearly made her feel rubbish. I’ve learned to not give opinions unless they’re asked for.

@AtLastEarwax

I thought maybe she wouldn't use them again really. It was in a light hearted way though. Her daughter on my knee and as I said it I hugged and kissed her like 'your beautiful enough' kind of thing

In hindsight she is very vain lol never realised that

She may be vain, but you're catty.

She doesn't need someone like that. Why does it matter to you what she does? "I thought she might not use it again". Who do you think you are??!!

I would have thought it but not said it. You pissed in her chips.

She may be vain, but you're catty.
How is it catty to reassure a little girl that she's beautiful as she is.
Its the equivalent of telling a little girl they don't need make up.
IMO its a bit damaging for a child to think their appearance needs to be beautified in the first place, all children are beautiful as they are and you are also sending the message that there 'looks' are all they have to offer.

Yabvu.

She needed telling.
Putting beauty filters on a picture of a 4 year old is weird at best.

Surely it’s better to say something directly than be gushy online whilst secretly judging. That’s far more unpleasant to my mind.

How is it catty to reassure a little girl that she's beautiful as she is

Why would the girl be in any doubt that she is beautiful as she is? You "reassuring" her is likely to be the cause of any problem

Wow you touched a nerve didn't you! You're right though people using filters with their children is ridiculous it won't kill them to be called out on it.

Deleting Snapchat what a drama llama

It's so sad people are defending parents using filters on their children like their children won't notice. And we wonder why teenage girls have self esteem issues. Maybe if people didn't tiptoe around this shit there's be fewer issues

How is it catty to reassure a little girl that she's beautiful as she is.

Was the girl looking for reassurance? Did she even bloody notice? Or did the op bring it up and then bring it to the girls attention then hug and kiss her and reassure her for no reason other than to get some sort of one upmanship on someone she, evidently, dislikes?

Putting a beauty filter on a child is seriously wrong imo. I hate the damn things anyway, I have school friends who appear to have not aged a day in 30 years on Facebook. I wouldn’t recognise them in real life. It’s not fooling anyone, it’s obvious you’ve done it.

I understand why women do it to themselves, we are in a society that values youth and beauty over all else. I think it is incredibly sad that people feel the need to do it. To project those issues onto your child is something else though.

It sounds like you said it in a lighthearted way but clearly she’s got issues (& pregnancy hormone) and that’s why her reaction was so extreme.

Your friend is probably quite hormonal at the moment, I know I was at that stage.
Don’t worry about it though, you didn’t mean it unkindly, you were complimenting her beautiful dd.

It really was an unnecessary comment to make. Keep it to yourself next time and I suggest you apologise.

I think you definitely need to apologise and try to explain that in your view they BOTH look beautiful/radiant as they are.
To be honest your post sounds really bitchy to me. Why make the comment at all, what's it got to do with you?
Your friend wanted to do it , all you needed to do was be nice or keep you mouth shut.
I also question your ' said in a lighthearted way' (although I am not sure how you could honestly believe that) it was obviously not taken that way and has upset your friend.
This is happy news and joyous situation, you have, for whatever reason, chosen instead to make nasty and negative comments.
I a not surprised your 'friend' feels how she does.

Why would the girl be in any doubt that she is beautiful as she is? You "reassuring" her is likely to be the cause of any problem

Because her mum has just added a beauty filter to her ?

I abhor those filters but YWBMU to have given your opinion, it just wasn’t necessary.

Because her mum has just added a beauty filter to her?

Which does not imply she is not already beautiful. My DD plays around with all kinds of filters, she is in no doubt that she is the most beautiful without any of them.

I wouldn’t have said anything but putting a filter on a child is grim like. Especially a beauty filter. It’s indicative of the modern era though.

A friend has a gorgeous little girl, every single photo of her this year has had the same filter on it (Instagram) and it makes her look either fake tanned or dirty. It’s heartbreaking to see such a beautiful child masked by her mother’s own insecurities.