Told a friend an opinion...

[AtLastEarwax]

Hi all

So my friend has just announced a pregnancy. Huge surprise and so happy for her. She did it on Facebook with her daughter (who is 4) with a beauty filter on sitting alone holding a chalkboard saying it. I said my congrats etc etc the next time we saw each other we were talking about pregnancy announcements and I said that her daughter didn't need a beauty filter though and she's taken EXTREME offence.

She's saying she's deleting Snapchat and is anxious of using it etc. I didn't say it in a harsh way just that her daughter was gorgeous enough and then kissed her daughter in a lighthearted way. The filter made her look like a doll almost. Each to their own and it is just my opinion but do others use filters a lot?

Am I the minority?

Oh, who cares if someone uses a filter for themselves or a young child? Unless you KNOW she was using it because she thought her child "needed" it and is harming the girl's self-image by focusing on her appearance to an unhealthy degree, it really, really didn't matter. You shouldn't have brought it up, imo. I'd have been annoyed with you, in her place, and would've made it clear that you should mind your own business.

It is silly to use them especially on a child but you really didn't have to say anything to your 'friend' - especially criticising her in front of her child.

Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone's got one and nobody likes to be subjected to someone else's unless they have specifically asked to be.

@thepeopleversuswork

I agree that a filter on a kid is tack-o-rama.

But I wouldn't have chosen that particular announcement to raise this with her. It's her "big reveal" of her pregnancy and you've made it all about the filter and made it appear as a dig.

It's a question of emphasis. If someone's pregnant then that should be the focal point of your response. By picking up on the filters thing you've made it look like you're just finding fault.

So while I share your sentiments about the filters you've made yourself look a bit uncharitable and nasty.

I completely agree with this.

A four-year-old with a beauty filter holding a chalkboard? Your friend sounds ridiculous.

I don't understand why women have to do these ludicrous, fetishistic, narcissistic things around pregnancy, and why they expect everyone to fawn over them.

@TheVanguardSix

There's a pet peeve thread on MN! You've just reminded me of my pet peeve! Those fecking filters on little kids alongside mummy who looks NOTHING like Bambi in real life. I really hate when parents do this. Kids are gorgeous! They're perfect. Why filter them? Parents bloody need the filters because we look like Bambi's turd without them. Still, I'd rather look like Bambi's turd. I just look like straight-up turd. My solution is to put no photos of me on any social media. But kids? It's an insult to filter them. Anyway, rant over. I don't think you were out of order at all in saying the truth. Anyway, I'll jog on over to the pet peeve thread now.

No we don't look like bambi's turd. We look like what we are - grown women. I dont like photos of me either particularly, but I do not need filters or to look like Bambi (a baby deer for crying out loud) That said I agree it looks even wierder on young children because they already have big eyes, button noses etc so the exageration is even more odd. I have a friend who would do this all the time even on selfies of her and her baby and it made her (beautiful) baby look creepy af (not that I said anything)

Urgh. I can't understand why any parent would filter their child. Putting animals ears/face on is very different. I agree with PP that it's not good for children to see themselves filtered as if they're not good enough as they really are.

Your friend is an arse OP and a vain one. You've probably done her a favour if it stops her being so bloody vacuous in future.

@Nunoftheother

A four-year-old with a beauty filter holding a chalkboard? Your friend sounds ridiculous.

I don't understand why women have to do these ludicrous, fetishistic, narcissistic things around pregnancy, and why they expect everyone to fawn over them.

I also agree with this. It's mawkish and unnecessary and anybody who chooses to do it, invites opinions, whatever they are. Fakebook is the devil sometimes.

I agree with your point but don’t think throwing shade on her pregnancy announcement was the right moment.

I’d apologise for upsetting her and try to restore the peace.

I'm happy to see that people agree

I'm sad that it was the wrong time to say it but it wasn't confrontational/in front of a crowd/mum shaming her or anything but hey ho

I've got one of DD2 when she was newborn with reindeer ears flicking on a video, it's so cute. Haven't shown anyone apart from the obvious as don't post pictures of the kids. They are fun and cute with cartoons but used in the wrong way is disturbing

Is anyone else thinking that if someone goes missing that some people may not even have a 'natural' photo of themselves? Just one with a crown or fire off there heads!?

Another thought. She may have filtered it so she won't expose her dd's natural face on the internet?

@pastandpresent

Another thought. She may have filtered it so she won't expose her dd's natural face on the internet?

Perhaps, but there's no need to have any sort of picture of her daughter if she has concerns along those lines. The news could have been posted with any sort of appropriate background (a crib, a stork, booties, whatever) or even - heaven forbid - with straightforward text and no theatrics.

Also, it doesn't sound like the OP was in any way nasty and it's a bit lame that her friend can't take a very gentle ribbing. Taking oneself too seriously - especially if it's simply because one has managed to get knocked up - is not generally an attractive trait.

No I did not say it nasty or mum shaming or anything like that at all. Nothing like that it was just that she is beautiful enough as it is.

She's a stunning child. Blonde bouncy curls, big brown eyes and cute smile.

Haha a simple txt announcement 😮

Am I bad? I sent a picture of my ds with the poem typed underneath...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm going to become a big brother
To not one but two!
Twins due October 2019

She's saying she's deleting Snapchat and is anxious of using it etc.

That's up to her, innit. Doesn't affect you. Let her get on with it.

You kinda put your foot in it there lol but I do 100% agree with you. Babies/kids don't need filters. Someone on my Facebook posted a profile picture with a caption along the lines of 'accept me for who I am' heavily filtered and looking about 5 stone lighter. Wasn't a joke either!