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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told a friend an opinion...

91 replies

AtLastEarwax · 02/12/2020 11:01

Hi all

So my friend has just announced a pregnancy. Huge surprise and so happy for her. She did it on Facebook with her daughter (who is 4) with a beauty filter on sitting alone holding a chalkboard saying it. I said my congrats etc etc the next time we saw each other we were talking about pregnancy announcements and I said that her daughter didn't need a beauty filter though and she's taken EXTREME offence.

She's saying she's deleting Snapchat and is anxious of using it etc. I didn't say it in a harsh way just that her daughter was gorgeous enough and then kissed her daughter in a lighthearted way. The filter made her look like a doll almost. Each to their own and it is just my opinion but do others use filters a lot?

Am I the minority?

OP posts:
VivaMiltonKeynes · 02/12/2020 12:10

She can't be that good a friend if she hadn't told you in person ?

JillofTrades · 02/12/2020 12:17

I agree with you but wouldn't have said that. Those filters are so fake and I think people who use them just let everyone know how insecure they are. And on a child, that's embarrassing for a parent to do that.
I know someone who Facetunes her face so much that she doesn't have a nose in the pictures. More mind boggling is the amount of comments she receives about her skin care routine. Confused

Donotlikemyname · 02/12/2020 12:17

@teateateateateamoretea

Because her mum has just added a beauty filter to her?

Which does not imply she is not already beautiful. My DD plays around with all kinds of filters, she is in no doubt that she is the most beautiful without any of them.

The difference being is that your daughter is choosing to play with them, YOU are not adding them, implying that YOU don't find her appearance satisfactory.
loobyloo1234 · 02/12/2020 12:19

So you told her in person not on her announcement? In which case, I think thats fine. Totally weird to use a filter on a young child

GlummyMcGlummerson · 02/12/2020 12:22

@teateateateateamoretea

Because her mum has just added a beauty filter to her?

Which does not imply she is not already beautiful. My DD plays around with all kinds of filters, she is in no doubt that she is the most beautiful without any of them.

That's because she is essentially playing a fun game where she can see how her face changes when she selects certain filters.

The DM in this situation used a filter to enhance her daughter's appearanceZ

Two very different things

WitchesSpelleas · 02/12/2020 12:25

These filters send out a terrible message, whether used for adult or child.

It's no wonder so many young people these days grow up with insecurities about their appearance - as if they're not allowed to have spots, blemishes, wrinkles, normal sized eyes, a bit of a double chin ..

You did the right thing in commenting, OP, irrespective of the occasion. More people need to speak up about this issue.

Original poster
AtLastEarwax · 02/12/2020 12:27

I think she just posted on Facebook before speaking to ANYONE about it.

People can use filters, to the person rolling their eyes at the use of bear ears etc they don't go past my camera roll though. I don't post pictures of my children anywhere. Bear ears etc are 'fun' for kids, like how my daughter is obsessed with wearing rabbit ears on her head everywhere, just a silly thing. I wouldn't take a photo using a beauty filter though. They are two very different things - fun with ears and fake spiders and making your child look like a doll.

To the person who said about it being some a memorable photo that is such a good point. She might look back and say mum who's that girl??

I have apologised and just said it wasn't my place to say anything and also I didn't mean it personally to her, we were talking about pregnancy announcements in general like I said. I would say I don't like them on anyone's pregnancy announcement not just hers

OP posts:
teateateateateamoretea · 02/12/2020 12:28

Two very different things

Is it? Are you sure the DD wasn't all in with the pic, and chose it herself? Who knows?

Anyway, whatever your opinions, and OP's, its a good idea to remember that you can have all the opinions you like and keep them to yourself. You don't have to share them.

PatriciaPerch · 02/12/2020 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alecguinnessgenuineclass · 02/12/2020 12:34

She is BU for using a filter (so weird) and she is over reacting to your comment, BUT she is pregnant so I'd cut her some slack. I would probably just give her a sincere apology then you can both move on.

MorganKitten · 02/12/2020 12:34

See it from her way, you’ve taken the shine off of her announcement

alecguinnessgenuineclass · 02/12/2020 12:35

@alecguinnessgenuineclass

She is BU for using a filter (so weird) and she is over reacting to your comment, BUT she is pregnant so I'd cut her some slack. I would probably just give her a sincere apology then you can both move on.
Sorry, have now RTFT and seen that you have apologised! Hopefully that's job done then.
Orangetreess · 02/12/2020 12:37

Agree it's wrong to do that to a child's pic but I wouldn't personally have commented on it esp because it was in relation to your friend's pregnancy announcement. Sorry op.
Generally there are lots of things parents do in relation to raising their kids which I may feel are wrong but just don't think it's my place to comment on their parenting that's all and my opinion on their parenting certainly isn't relevant. If someone is going to do something then they are going to do it regardless of what I say to them.

ViciousJackdaw · 02/12/2020 12:37

Filters just make children look creepy. In any case, you are right, they are completely unnecessary. What a sad world we live in, I often complain about being an old bag but I do feel sorry for girls and young women with regards to this.

The other one I can't stand is those bloody animal noses - it just makes people look like they have a blob of shite on the end of their hooter!

FortunesFave · 02/12/2020 12:46

Meh I don't blame you. These things are unhealthy in the extreme and teach young women and girls the wrong message. Call them out all the way.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 02/12/2020 12:53

I hate those filters! Mostly they look creepy AF so I never use them let alone on my kids. But I wouldn’t tell someone else off even in a nice way, for using them on their kid. I just wouldn’t comment on that.

I have a relative on my fb who uses the butterfly/flowers one on her small daughter regularly and all her mates say stuff like “simply beautiful” and “gorgeous just like her mummy” etc. I’m thinking how can you tell with a filter on the pic? Looks weird anyway. But I keep it to myself.

Janesandian · 02/12/2020 12:54

I think it's disgusting when adults use these on children. Absolutely disgusting. YANBU.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 02/12/2020 12:59

Would she had rather you said. "Your kid's ugly". Confused

wildraisins · 02/12/2020 13:00

I hate those filters. My cousin uses them all the time on her little girl (4 years old) and I am pretty sure she has also put real make-up on her. She's FB obsessed and posts pictures all over the place. But I wouldn't say anything to her. It's her life and not really my business.

TheCrowsHaveEyes · 02/12/2020 13:04

They're just filters, not necessarily 'beauty' filters. I'd imagine some parents use them to slightly obscure what their DC look like - not to make them more 'beautiful' Hmm You brought a lot of baggage to congratulate your friend on her pregnancy. You deliberately rained on her pregnancy announcement parade. If that's how you treat your friends, I'd hate to see how you treat people you don't like.

Hayeahnobut · 02/12/2020 13:06

In hindsight she is very vain lol never realised that

What a nasty thing to say. You're no friend.

thepeopleversuswork · 02/12/2020 13:07

I agree that a filter on a kid is tack-o-rama.

But I wouldn't have chosen that particular announcement to raise this with her. It's her "big reveal" of her pregnancy and you've made it all about the filter and made it appear as a dig.

It's a question of emphasis. If someone's pregnant then that should be the focal point of your response. By picking up on the filters thing you've made it look like you're just finding fault.

So while I share your sentiments about the filters you've made yourself look a bit uncharitable and nasty.

MrsMigginsMate · 02/12/2020 13:08

I think it was a sweet thing to say! I can't understand why everyone seems to think YABU, it was meant to flatter her child. All I can think is maybe she didn't want her kid to know mummy had been touching up the photo!!

MrsMigginsMate · 02/12/2020 13:09

@Hayeahnobut

In hindsight she is very vain lol never realised that

What a nasty thing to say. You're no friend.

Not really, it is actually vain to use filters.
BernieInn · 02/12/2020 13:13

I hate filters like that and using them on children is weird / creepy. You did nothing wrong.

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