To not be expected to go to wedding (not mine) 4 days before Christmas

[glitterchick]

Long story short......DH and I decided in early Jan that we would take our 4 DC to Lapland this Dec (18-20th). IMO the cost of this trip is outrageous but we were prepared to save and cover the cost 5500euro

Later on this year my BIL and his DP decided that they were going to get married this Christmas - in fact the day after we return from Lapland! Turns out they have very tight budget and it is the cheapest week of the year to get hitched.

Now, I understand their thinking - they get the full wedding and all the trimmings at a fraction of the cost BUT, DH and I and other members of the family have to pay for flights, accommodation etc Christmas week (travelling from Dublin) - will cost fortune. Kids are not coming so I have to find someone to take my 4 DC overnight(most prob my mum) which is real pain.

Its great the're getting married and all that but PITA for everyone else. I like weddings as much as the next person but not looking forward to this - it will clean us out financially this Christmas. I know its not about me - its about them but AIBU though?

YABU

and a misery too

I see your point MotherFunk.

YABU, they have moved it to accomodate your DH already, if you don't want to go then don't but don't deny your DH - its his britehr after all. can your DH not fly straight to dublin after your hol.

imo if you can spend money going away at that time of year you can go to a wedding

why can't you take the dc?

could you get a boat instead so it would be cheaper?

you are not being unreasonable - you are not made of money!!

I agree with others, decline very regretfully and send a fantabulous wedding present.

Is your dh going?

I would send dh on his own, after all he is the best man.

You don't have to go.

Personally I wouldn't miss a wedding of a family member!

But it is his brothers wedding!!

You can't just not go!

I know I am anti-wedding-hoo-hah tsar, but it seems to me you are being a bit particular and picky, and it will sound to BIL as if you just can't be arsed or it isn't important to you.

They will forever think 'oh well, they can swan off to an imaginary old geezer in Lapland for zillions of Euros, but not his own brothers wedding'. I know you planned Lapland first, but that will never be remembered. And none of the other family guests who attend will understand either.

I wouldn't be dellighted, in your shoes - the run up to christmas is always manic and i am never preared...but I would go

Nappyadict - Christmas Eve really IS challenging for guests given accommodation and public transport complications for your guests, so prepared to do it romantically alone, won't you?

If they have said 'no children' that swings it more in favour ofnot going, perhaps. Take the kids?

One of the few weddings I've ever been to that I actually enjoyed was just before Christmas.

But if you don't want to go, don't.

"My DH is best man so they moved the date forward a day so we could be there." They've changed the date to accomodate your holiday?? You have to go!

If you knew in March that the wedding was going to be sometime in December and you knew that doing both was going to be very costly, why didnt you cancel the trip to Lapland back then?
YABU and a bit of a control freak to think your dh shouldn't go alone.

Can't your DH go by himself?

I agree with Soupy. They can't insist that you come - they are inviting you. They can't be expected to work round your plans and the plans of all their other guests, IMO. They can have the wedding on the day that is most convenient for them, and then you can decide whether or not you are going to accept the invitation.

Confused now. They moved the date forward a day for your dh but it is now less convenient ? In that case your dh is obliged to go really but it is up to you if you go too.

Well in my case I will be 7 months pregnant, and on my own with 4 children aged from 2-8 over Christmas. I do not think it reasonable for my dh to go away to the other side of the world for a week.

If he was getting married closer to home so dh could go away for a shorter time then I wouldn't have a problem.

Just ring them on the day and pretend you are stuck in Lapland coz of cancelled flights, bad weather etc

wouldn't worry too much... you wont make it... flight from lapland are always delayed badly at that time of the year....

You have no chance of getting back on time for the wedding anyway..

i just think it will be incredibly obvious if you do that

I think Xmas eve would be even more inconvenient... how could you come home drunk & lay out all the gifts

My mam & dad got married on boxing day 40 odd years ago, mam said no-one at the time considered it unusual. Both their extended families were there & it was a beautiful winter wedding

sounds like you just don't want to go becuase of the whole rushing about thing, but thing is, you are prob going to have to go, if you can. I know they have left it late, but people are rubbish sometimes, and they would be really pleased if you could make it. I think you would feel better that you had too.

Its a pain, but there we go.

i always go out and get pissed xmas eve

not getting as drunk as last year though. that was a biiiiiiiiiig mistake. trying to eat a full english and then sit through helping a 6 month old open presents the next day was an effort to say the least!!

oops wrong thread