To ignore the urge to have another child?

[Marmalademouse]

I have two children, 7 and 10, and can’t stop thinking about having a third baby. I’m late thirties, keep telling myself it’s impractical ( we could afford it but house, car are too small etc). Bad for my career. Global pandemic. Nothing logical in its favour really.

But I keep thinking - in ten years, when it’s no longer possible, will I regret not having another baby? So Yanbu - you’re doing the right thing not having another baby. Yabu - You might regret it.

YANBU. After all, you've already got two and you can't find a logical reason to have another so why upset the applecart?

Of course, there is always the chance that you could regret a third.

Thank you - and yes regretting a third is something people rarely speak of but I’m sure is possible, at least in some ways.

I think its normal to get these urges as you start nearing the end of fertile years. I think you should wait it out and the feeling will pass if its quite a recent thing

I had my much wanted third when my older two were 12 & 13. All with my husband. I hadn't wanted another until my youngest hit 11 and then it was all I could think about. I had an overwhelming urge for another & the feeling of 'not being done'. My husband took some convincing though and it was after some serious chats about what the future looked like and what we'd regret on our death beds before we agreed to try for another. Again we could afford it at a push but had a lovely lifestyle with older children who were more self sufficient so it was something we had to completely agree on. It was the best thing we did, the older 2 love having him around and hes completed our family. For us, not having a 3rd would have been the biggest regret. Good luck with your decision.

Thanks @TheGoogleMum - I’d say it’s been going on for a few years, getting stronger if anything. But yes probably best to wait it out!

My friend was in your position. Her husband was not keen, but she was determined. They had a perfect little life, gorgeous house, her son and daughter at school, all running well. She went for it and whilst she obviously loves the little chap her life is so very much harder, plus one of her children is turning out to have a real sporting gift and she just doesn’t have the time to support it. She has said that if she had her time again she wouldn’t have pursued.

@Bronzino thank you, that’s a real cautionary tale... I’ve heard similar stories too, and that does help to put me off, I must say. I keep convincing myself I shouldn’t but then the urge returns... I guess I just need to keep denying it for a few more years.

Don't do it!! It would actually be a pretty big age gap..Your eldest two would want to do completely different activities compared to a little one. Also your dc are reaching an age where life gets so much easier. My dc are 10/12...I hadn't realised how easy my life was until I looked after my lovely 3 year old niece for two nights and she woke me up at 6am (a fairly respectable time for a toddler) I sat on the sofa with her watching cbeebies barely able to keep my eyes open definitely took me back to those early days!

I vote for giving TTC a go! Providing both you and OH are on the same page, it might not happen but At least you tried. I think we always regret things we didn’t do.

I think you should. The world needs more loved children and who knows what they could go on to achieve? You are far more likely to regret not trying than having another.

Thanks all... it's very hard because life is easier now, but part of me misses those baby days...

I think logically it makes no sense though and I keep coming back to that.

I think people forget how hard the baby days are. I’ve got two 4 and under at the moment and am just frazzled. I’ve been looking at threads in here about when life might get easier. If you discounted it when you’re youngest was younger there was probably a sound reason for that at the time.

I wouldn’t do it OP. Enjoy the two lovely ones you’ve got.

If you did it again you’d be exhausted, poorer, and what if your child had additional needs? That could really impact on your older two.

I also disagree with the poster above: the world does not need any more children.

Like a lot of impulses, like shagging married people, eating an entire tube of Pringles for breakfast, or buying a leopard print cold-shoulder top, this one can safely be resisted.

@PigsInHeaven thanks that made me

Could you cope if you had multiples? More common in older women.

There's a 13 year age gap between me and my sister (no siblings inbetween, same parents) & she's honestly my best friend. I didn't live with her from the age of 18 as I went to uni, but now she's in her 20s we have a great relationship. Entirely your decision & it's not guaranteed siblings will ever get along but don't let the age gap put you off 😊

How would it impact your existing children to have a baby? Or twin babies? Or a baby with additional needs and either you or your husband can no longer work?

It's your hormones!!! They are evil, it's your ovaries chucking eggs out and blinding you the harsh realities of more DC.

Newborns are amazing but a third pregnancy will destroy your body further, your finances and if you have a high maintenance child could destroy family harmony forever.

I have 4 DC and my hormones were still screaming for more...

The teenage years have been a killer and I don't think mine are particularly challenging tbh!!'

I could quite happily have another pre-schooler but the thought of doing any teenager well into my 50s 😱 I'm knackered!

Could be hormones and the knowledge that time is running out.

On one hand I had no doubts I wanted number three or four. None.

But on the other hand, once your at a certain age its game over forever.

I still felt broody at 44 but it's gone now mostly. I think it was my last few viable eggs talking to me. Fortunately now I'm over 45 it's very unappealing to try again. It does pass

This isn't going to help..

But I once over heard a woman in her late 50s saying how she regrets not having that third. Its stuck with me ever since! I have two as well.

God no
I love mine but can’t wait until they’re a bit older
I’m approaching 40, just got a dog, have been promoted as feel can start concentrating on career again, in last year of childcare costs as youngest starting school next year.
I’m looking forward to next stage of life it’s gotta happen sometime.

I think we always regret things we didn’t do

I think that's a silly notion that leads to terrible decision-making.

It's just as likely we will deeply, deeply regret the things we do. Especially if the basis for the decision was trying to avoid having any regrets. It's not possible to live without experiencing regret about anything ever. It's part of being human.

I think it's better to revisit happy memories of the baby years and enjoy those memories as part of your life than to bugger up the present trying to recapture the past. Fond memories are a good thing, they don't mean you stop living the life you have in the present to resurrect them.

I mean, I've had some lovely holidays and I think of them wistfully wishing I could go back or could have spent longer there, but that doesn't mean I'm going to pack in my job to go and live on a beach with no money.

I wouldn't do it, but I only have one by choice.

Your children are going to get more expensive, exam stresses, mum and dad taxi service, plus they'll probably need you emotionally more into teenage years all while having a toddler/sleepless nights.

Quit while you're ahead.

But I once over heard a woman in her late 50s saying how she regrets not having that third. Its stuck with me ever since!

Humans are loss averse.