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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think the Catholic Church should take itself off?

133 replies

HolyMalign · 30/11/2020 00:38

My daddy grew up in a Catholic institution.

I was born in the 70s and we didn't talk about things. I went to church every week, I prayed, I did what you did. But I had a pretty ropey home life and I hated my daddy for it.

It was only when I was an adult that I realised what his childhood was like and why he was so messed up. So I understand, but it's affected me. And it's certainly affected my daddy.

In the last few years I've been following women who have uncovered even more terrible things that the church did, even worse than would have happened to my daddy. Babies in sewers and mass graves. It is disgusting.

But still these fuckers tell people what to do and have such a hold on their lives.

My daddy is in his seventies now and won't have a word said against the church that fucked him over. There must be so many people like him. It's brainwashing. The church has done nothing for him but abuse him and cause him misery and he is not alone. There are millions of other former children and living women out there who have similarly suffered.

Why do we let these people have such power still when we now know they are abusive rapist murderers?

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 05/12/2020 10:50

If the Catholic Church should go for these reasons (and tbh- I’m with you) then so should Islam, and Judaism, Jehovah witnesses, the Amish, evangelical Christianity and I’m sure many more I don’t know enough about. They have all committed abuses and atrocities. And covered them up.

LimaFoxtrotCharlie · 05/12/2020 10:52

What does “take itself off” mean? Confused

june2007 · 05/12/2020 10:53

People commit abuse. Some do it in the name of Reliigion, some in the name of politics. Some in the name of doing good for society. That does not mean a religion is wrong. It means people are wrong.

20shadesofgreen · 05/12/2020 10:57

I think about this often. I suffered abuse at the hands of a family member and I have been shunned from my family by those who should have protected and stood up for me.

Abusers are people. People who cover up abuse are people. People who deny abuse are people. They all come from homes in our communities. They often start abusing in their homes and the cover up begins in their homes. I think trying to address the issues of abuse as church issues or a gymnastics coaches issues or a scouting issues loses sight of the real issue which is that abusers exist, people who deny abuse exist, people who minimise abuse exist, people who actively cover up abuse exist. They exist in every sphere and they all cause huge harm to victims of abuse.

The church is no different to homes throughout the world where people betray victims day after day so that they don’t have to deal with the discomfort of facing up to who they are as people, people who go along with the abuse of others.

MaddeningtheUnhelpful · 05/12/2020 10:59

Unfortunately they still operate on outdated and damaging ethics. My children go to a Catholic school, in a rural naice village in England. They still refuse to teach about contraception, when let's face it a baby is the NICEST thing you can catch. They still won't teach Darwin or the big bang theory, which let's face it puts the children at a huge disadvantage. Could you imagine GCSE science? Can imagine 'god created earth in 7 days' is a massive fail! There are so many families who have 7+ children that struggle, I totally understand someone's right to have that many children if they can accomodate and afford it that's not the issue. The issue is on the playground these are families crammed into 3 bedroom council houses, on the breadline, regularly late for pick ups for 3/4 children because the younger 3/4 are tired, cranky, asleep or whatever reason. These issues are totally glossed over by staff because of the religion. I've recently had a conversation with one such mother and everything she said about her life was negative! She's skint, no one has any room to breath, she doesn't get quality time with them, the eldest have to tend to little ones/cook/clean and in the next breath was offended when a doctor offered contraception... Confused

Herja · 05/12/2020 11:02

I have left the Catholic Church for exactly this reason. I cannot square their treatment of women and children with my religious belief. Or indeed any other major religion. So I now consider myself to be of faith, but not affiliated to any organised religion.

AmyandPhilipfan · 05/12/2020 11:20

I can’t square away the fact that priests are not allowed to have relationships and get married. To commit to never dating/falling in love is a massive thing to do, often in your early twenties, and I’m not sure the men who say they’ll do that are really going to be the best ones to advise families and children. Also, is it still men only who are allowed to be priests? Very sexist. I much prefer a more family orientated CofE/Methodist/Baptist Vicar or Minister. That said, I am perhaps a bit hypocritical because my oldest children attend a Catholic secondary but they do at least teach them sex education there and have a good representative of both sexes teaching the kids.

x2boys · 05/12/2020 11:28

That's sounds like an incredibly old fashioned Catholic school @MaddeningtheUnhelpful and nothing like my son's Catholic school ,they are obliged to follow the national curriculum so can't just miss out Darwin etc ,they also do sex education etc ,my own Catholic education was how you described but this was in the 70,s and 80,s ,my son's school is very inclusive ,my son's deceided he's atheist ,which is his choice .

MayDayFightsBack · 05/12/2020 19:42

@june2007

People commit abuse. Some do it in the name of Reliigion, some in the name of politics. Some in the name of doing good for society. That does not mean a religion is wrong. It means people are wrong.
Yes, it may have been infiltrated by paedophiles drawn to the Church because it offered access to children and vulnerable people but the Church hierarchy covered it up and protected the abusers at the expense of their victims. This is an organisation set up to worship God and do good, to be a bastion of light and decency. Instead, the Church used its immense wealth and power to cover up horrific crimes. I recently tried to raise safeguarding issues with the Church about someone else, they made all the right noises about listening to victims etc then had my (significant) evidence looked over by a lawyer and shut down completely. They no longer reply to messages.
june2007 · 05/12/2020 20:01

Mayday if you have significant evidence why not go to the police?

x2boys · 05/12/2020 20:17

How many Catholic priests are still being trained I was brought up as a Catholic although would describe myself as agnostic,my son goes to a Catholic school he's been christened and had his first communion etc ,most priests I know are in their 50,s and 60,s at least and many have to run several parish,s ,the Catholic church has never moved with the times ,I can't imagine being a celibate man is an attractive prospect for men in their 20,s these days and yes priests are still male I think ,how does this compare to the C/ E church who are as far as I can see far more open minded?

GoldenOmber · 05/12/2020 20:30

My children go to a Catholic school, in a rural naice village in England. They still refuse to teach about contraception, when let's face it a baby is the NICEST thing you can catch. They still won't teach Darwin or the big bang theory, which let's face it puts the children at a huge disadvantage.

That is bizarre. And not Catholic (I suppose you still get some odd schools refusing to talk about contraception as part of sex education on the grounds of Catholic teaching, but evolution isn’t against Catholic teaching, and it was a Catholic priest who came up with the Big Bang theory!) Something very odd is going on at that school and I’d seriously worry what else they were or weren’t teaching my children.

FurrySlipperBoots · 05/12/2020 20:34

@Smallsteps88 I agree

My mum was raised Catholic OP. It has screwed her up massively. She manages to look at the 'positive' side though, saying that the misery she endured in her childhood has left her more able to cope with the hardships she deals with as an adult - she has ME and struggles everyday, and claims it's the 'convent-school-girl' side of her that causes her to keep going at all.

Personally I think it's abhorrent. I'm just so glad she did theology at uni, made her own mind up about it all and didn't inflict Catholicism on us!

MayDayFightsBack · 05/12/2020 20:35

@june2007

Mayday if you have significant evidence why not go to the police?
What's that got to do with how the Church operates?
x2boys · 05/12/2020 20:39

Religion isn't taught as fact at my son's Catholic school and they study all religion ,s which is far better than my RE lessons in the 80,s my son has decided he's atheist which I support he can have his own beleifes I have told him to treat it as a history lesson or an awareness ,in that people have different beleifes but it's a good thing to understand that people have different beleifes to his own

Ohtherewearethen · 05/12/2020 20:42

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TheSilentStars · 05/12/2020 20:44

@GoldenOmber

My children go to a Catholic school, in a rural naice village in England. They still refuse to teach about contraception, when let's face it a baby is the NICEST thing you can catch. They still won't teach Darwin or the big bang theory, which let's face it puts the children at a huge disadvantage.

That is bizarre. And not Catholic (I suppose you still get some odd schools refusing to talk about contraception as part of sex education on the grounds of Catholic teaching, but evolution isn’t against Catholic teaching, and it was a Catholic priest who came up with the Big Bang theory!) Something very odd is going on at that school and I’d seriously worry what else they were or weren’t teaching my children.

In Italian schools the kids have sex education (complete with contraception, consent etc) the RE curriculum has to teach about world religions (and tbh tends to be debates on social issues rather than any religion at all) and obviously, they study science rather than the Fiat Lux approach to how we all ended up here. It sounds like the nice rural school needs to get down with the modern dudes in the Vatican at this point Wink
june2007 · 05/12/2020 20:44

Mayday because your making accusations, but if there was evidence then surely you would have gone to the police. Or social services?? Or if a historical thing perhaps seeked legal advice.

WankPuffins · 05/12/2020 20:51

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CantBeAssed · 05/12/2020 20:52

Its pure evil...the lies and cover up need to be exposed AND properly investigated...sadly that will probably never happen..

HollyCarrot · 05/12/2020 20:54

@Lexie365

yabu. nobody is denying a lot of bad stuff has happened with in the catholic church which of course upsets ANYONE catholic or not but people always seem to forget the good it does. i am a Roman catholic and so so very proud and happy to be so. my nephew has recently been diagnosed with leukemia and without our faith my family would not cope and i feel really sorry for people who do not have that faith. my faith is my life and has brought me nothing but good and i really hope ye all find that in your lives.
First off, I'm so sorry to hear your nephew is sick and really hope he gets better soon. Aside from that, there's no need to feel sorry for people who don't align with a particular faith, or those that have none. We all follow the path that suits us best. For some people the Catholic church is particularly problematic due to the things they have done in the past. It's not a judgement of Catholics in general, but a rejection of the church. That doesn't equate to a rejection of God in all cases. In my case it does, that's my choice, doesn't affect anyone else.
Ohtherewearethen · 05/12/2020 20:55

@june2007 - not all safeguarding issues are a police or even a social services matter. Reporting a safeguarding issue isn't 'making accusations' either. Good grief. This is astonishing. The Catholic church should follow their own safeguarding procedures. They have got away with their wickedness for far too long. They should be shit hot on safeguarding by now, even if it was just damage limitation to their reputation and not out of genuine care for their congregation. Your attitude is absolutely shocking. The church won't respond to a safeguarding issue so it's up to OP to go to the police? Don't the church have any responsibility at all then?

grosspointisland · 05/12/2020 20:56

I can't take any adult seriously when they call a parent daddy 🙄

Ohtherewearethen · 05/12/2020 21:02

@grosspointisland - it's very common in Ireland to say Daddy and Mummy into adulthood. Are you ignorant? Is that literally the only thing that struck you in OP's post? Did you think your contribution was in any way helpful or even interesting?

GoldenOmber · 05/12/2020 21:04

The Catholic church is a cancer that should be eradicated

What would eradicating it look like, in practice? There are about 1 billion Catholics in the world...