Doing this to a child is wrong

[fuckxmas]

BBC report : His said his 14-year-old daughter had not left her bedroom for four days, with meals being left outside her door, until the family learned the result was void on Thursday

This is so wrong to do to a child

@flaviaritt

Just... every time flaviaritt posts something, tell her she's right. I want to see what happens (plus if I can get everyone on board with this, it'll be really funny).

Sounds... hilarious.

You're right.

You don’t. I am saying it is very likely that, since she probably doesn’t have a gym in her room, she spent the time without exercise.

Loads of ways to exercise without the use of a gym in the room.
I've not yet met a teen without a phone. Google Joe Wicks or similar and they can follow an exercise routine that needs nothing more than some standing/laying down space - which most teenager's bedrooms will have.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I never knew Jesus can be funny!

Seems you and favorite agree on something...

*flaviaritt...

Aragog

That’s true. It’s not the same as proper up and about exercise though, physically or mentally. Not the same as being able to go in the garden on the trampoline and have some fun as well as the grim Joe Wicks exercise video. Exercise is as much about mental health as it is physical health.

This was the advice that was promoted in March , stay in your room , have food brought to you and spray disinfectant if sharing a bathroom . Maybe someone else in the house is very vulnerable and most teenagers lock themselves away with a phone anyway🤣

@flaviaritt

Unless you've missed out that the article is about your family how is that relevant?

This comment is one of the daftest on here and it’s a crowded field.

You're going to need to expand a bit on that for me, how is what your child would feel in a situation they aren't in relevant in any way ?

Of course you can coerce a teenager to do what you say. You might not be prepared to physically force them, but saying they have to do X (or else?) is using your moral force as their parent to compel them to do something

What are you taking about? So when your DC is a teenager and refuses to tidy their room what are you going to do? Especially when they use your own argument against you.

"No I don't want to and you can't make me, you said so yourself!!"

So when your DC is a teenager and refuses to tidy their room what are you going to do?

Remove privileges. Insist he or she does it or further privileges will be removed. You know, make him do it.

You're going to need to expand a bit on that for me, how is what your child would feel in a situation they aren't in relevant in any way ?

My argument isn’t reliant on what my child would feel, it is reliant on what children (all of them) need. Obviously I only have the choice when it comes to my own children, but I can have an opinion on children generally.

So you will be using your moral force as their parent to compel them to do something....but you said that was wrong.

@flaviaritt

You're going to need to expand a bit on that for me, how is what your child would feel in a situation they aren't in relevant in any way ?

My argument isn’t reliant on what my child would feel, it is reliant on what children (all of them) need. Obviously I only have the choice when it comes to my own children, but I can have an opinion on children generally.

Well said.

@flaviaritt

wellthatsunusual

No, they didn’t. Please stop gaslighting people on the internet. It’s silly and obvious and doesn’t make you look very nice.

This is absolutely priceless

Gaslighting. And not very nice. Because I said that people agree with you DARVO indeed.

It was fun earlier but I can't be bothered any more.

Incidentally this reminds me of those threads where people say things like 'eggs are a dairy product' and when everyone points out that they don't in fact come from a milk producing animal they insist 'well I always consider themselves to be dairy and I won't be changing my mind'. As if just picking and choosing the meaning of words to suit yourself somehow makes them change meaning.

So you will be using your moral force as their parent to compel them to do something....but you said that was wrong.

I didn’t. I said it was wrong in this case. Of course you can compel your children to do some things.

Obviously I only have the choice when it comes to my own children, but I can have an opinion on children generally.

YES. ^^ this. Takes a whole village to raise a child and all that.

At 14, 14 days without being forced to exercise, interact with others or leave my room would have been my dream. And that is without the benefit of Internet, satellite TV, social media etc (I'm old).

My DS, at 14, had a mother in her mid 30s and father in his late 50s.

If DH had still been alive this year, catching Covid would have killed him so I would definitely have insisted on isolation. In fact I would probably have made DS live with his older brother for the duration if he needed to isolate. He would have happily done it because he isn't a selfish twerp who thinks his own rights trump everyone else's.

Question to you Flavia - where do the rights of a potentially infected child, and a non infected child, cross over? If your child does not agree to isolate (or you don't ask them to because you think it's abusive) and your other child also does not wish to isolate because they are not infected, but also does not wish to be exposed to the infection, then what happens? Are the rights of the one child greater than the rights of the other?

I totally agree, OP! I would never expect my children to do that; completely OTT for a teenager. Granted they spend a lot of time in their rooms, out of choice. This just screams of mental abuse to me.

I was disgusted reading that article.

Question to you Flavia - where do the rights of a potentially infected child, and a non infected child, cross over? If your child does not agree to isolate (or you don't ask them to because you think it's abusive) and your other child also does not wish to isolate because they are not infected, but also does not wish to be exposed to the infection, then what happens? Are the rights of the one child greater than the rights of the other?

The child who would prefer not to be ‘exposed’ can go to their room voluntarily if that is their preference.

As a parent I would happily be isolated in my room & have someone prepare food for me that is just left at the door 😂 Yes it sounds a bit harsh but I am sure they interact through door & wear masks to talk to said 14yr old. This is what isolating a child at home entails WHEN they are old enough to understand why they have to be isolated. I would not do this to a child under 10 but my 9yr old would be happy as long as her TV & switch worked & those meals involved a nice pudding 😂
Not harsh practical & sensible 👍

@flaviaritt

Aragog

That’s true. It’s not the same as proper up and about exercise though, physically or mentally. Not the same as being able to go in the garden on the trampoline and have some fun as well as the grim Joe Wicks exercise video. Exercise is as much about mental health as it is physical health.

Poor Joe :( Bit harsh calling the poor bloke grim. Fortunately they are many many alternatives online, or via books/magazines, downloads.

But I don't have a trampoline in the garden? We don't have gym equipment anywhere in the house either.
Clearly we are doomed here with or without self isolation going on!

Actually think we may have an old pair of dumbbells somewhere. And actually Dd still has an old wii and fitness board thing in her bedroom so would that do?! I mean it's even in her bedroom after all.

I didn’t. I said it was wrong in this case. Of course you can compel your children to do some things.

So it only applies to the thing YOU thing are important?!

Tidying their room?
Eating the food provided?
Doing their homework?
Completing a chore?
Avoiding putting their family member's health at risk?

!

The child who would prefer not to be ‘exposed’ can go to their room voluntarily if that is their preference

The point i was making was what if this child does not want to go to their room voluntarily? What if their view is, i am not infected, why should my freedom be curtailed because my sibling is a dick? If neither child wishes to isolate, but the one who isn't infectious does not want to catch the virus, are you saying that their rights will not be more important that the other child and you will tell them to either suck it up or stay in their room?

@flaviaritt

I'm saying that an adult who wouldn't be prepared to abide by self isolation rules for the good of the entire household, would be asked to reflect on whether they got to continue as a member of said household after the crisis was over.

That’s fine. You can divorce him if you want. That doesn’t change the fact that you can’t make him go to his room and stay there for two weeks. It would be abusive to do so.

My ex is roughly the size of Henry the VIIIth .

If we were still together, & I even TRIED to compel him to self isolate against his wishes, I'd probably be a Roadrunner style silhouette in the door I was standing the wrong side of.

So I'd remove myself & the dc to a place of safety, & then I'd take steps to kick him out & divorce him.

Except, you know, I already did that years ago.

No one is suggesting 'abusing' a partner by confining him to a bedroom.

Several of us are saying we'd not want to carry on living with a selfish prick who didn't do it willingly.

You're tilting at windmills that aren't even there.

@flaviaritt

You're going to need to expand a bit on that for me, how is what your child would feel in a situation they aren't in relevant in any way ?

My argument isn’t reliant on what my child would feel, it is reliant on what children (all of them) need. Obviously I only have the choice when it comes to my own children, but I can have an opinion on children generally.

I think you may be confusing me with another poster, I replied to your post that was literally only about your daughter, there were no opinions about children in general.

Aragog

Obviously everyone’s circumstances are going to be different m. My point (which I know is perfectly reasonable) is that prison-style exercise (doing squats, press-ups, running on the spot) isn’t going to provide the same MH benefits to a young person as access to the outside or to the rest of the house. So, as true as it is that they can do exercise in their room, it’s also not the case that we could all just stay in our rooms permanently and not expect to see a decline in health and mental condition. There is a cost.