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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I lend them 10k?

355 replies

SupineSlumber · 24/11/2020 21:16

My parents, in their 60s, are planning on moving house. They’ve found somewhere that they like, and they want to buy it outright with cash, without having to wait to sell their own house first (although they said they hope to sell as soon as possible). However, they don’t have the necessary amount: they have 100k in savings, and are looking to borrow another 100k from selected family members/close friends (not exactly sure as they haven’t told me but I can hazard a guess). They’re very stubborn and are adamant that this is the only way they can secure the house that they love, without being part of a chain etc. Selling their own house would effectively cover the cost of one they’re moving to so they have that as an option but they don’t want it.

They asked me how much I could lend them, and it’s comfortably about 10K. But now I’m thinking this whole thing might be a bad idea. I don’t know who they’ll be borrowing the rest of the 90k from and I don’t want to audited as part of that process (not that there’s anything to hide, but it just seems very messy). Also it just feels extremely indulgent to me, to try to be in the position of a cash buyer whilst roping in lots of people to fund that through loans. What if their house doesn’t sell as easily as they think it will?

Am thinking of withdrawing the offer on the basis that it might not be financially prudent, but I know they’ll be hugely hurt. WWYD?

(NC just in case)

OP posts:
YoniAndGuy · 27/11/2020 21:32

What a bizarre conversation.

There is SO MUCH to their financial situation you don't know.

It's interesting that when you've started talking along very 'official' lines - financial advisor, asking the whys and wherefores - they've actually backed off bar some light manipulation. They certainly don't want to get into the details with you, which means nothing about this is straightforward or what it seems.

Oh dear, but hopefully that's the end of it.

I'd be so tempted to get a copy of the deeds though!

Dontbeme · 28/11/2020 18:24

OP my mother would set up "tests" for people to see who was loyal to her and to see how far she could manipulate people to do what she wanted. She would often refer to past good deeds of her's towards her children (it was basic parenting really) which meant her children were now in her debt. As your dad seemed to have no knowledge of what was happening do you think your mother was doing the same here, that there is no dream house, no planned sale of her home and an added dose of family drama and loyalty testing?

gottakeeponmovin · 28/11/2020 18:44

Well I would lend it without question if I had it but I guess it depends on how much you trust your parents

GabsAlot · 29/11/2020 00:20

the old this is what weve done for our kids speech yes i know i well

Dafspunk · 06/12/2020 11:47

My goodness, you sound far too sensible to be the offspring of these people.

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