Should I lend them 10k?

[SupineSlumber]

My parents, in their 60s, are planning on moving house. They’ve found somewhere that they like, and they want to buy it outright with cash, without having to wait to sell their own house first (although they said they hope to sell as soon as possible). However, they don’t have the necessary amount: they have 100k in savings, and are looking to borrow another 100k from selected family members/close friends (not exactly sure as they haven’t told me but I can hazard a guess). They’re very stubborn and are adamant that this is the only way they can secure the house that they love, without being part of a chain etc. Selling their own house would effectively cover the cost of one they’re moving to so they have that as an option but they don’t want it.

They asked me how much I could lend them, and it’s comfortably about 10K. But now I’m thinking this whole thing might be a bad idea. I don’t know who they’ll be borrowing the rest of the 90k from and I don’t want to audited as part of that process (not that there’s anything to hide, but it just seems very messy). Also it just feels extremely indulgent to me, to try to be in the position of a cash buyer whilst roping in lots of people to fund that through loans. What if their house doesn’t sell as easily as they think it will?

Am thinking of withdrawing the offer on the basis that it might not be financially prudent, but I know they’ll be hugely hurt. WWYD?

(NC just in case)

To Amberleaf it sounds like a run on the banks style scenario. It must have been hard especially when family and money clash .

Did you decide to call them, OP?

I texted back: said that I’ve been thinking about my offer, and since they’re not going about this purchase the usual way, and there’s some risk involved, I think it’s sensible that I have a chat with my financial advisor before committing. I didn’t respond to the ridiculous proposition of declaring that I’ll give them a different sum to what we agreed....

Message read. No response. Probably seething.

I appreciate the support so far (some good suggestions re: finding out about the status of their house), but not expecting anyone to stick around for this protracted drama!

Ahhh well done OP 🌺

I would say a very loud, cheerful, and firm 'nope' to that. I don't do loans or business with family or friends. Full stop. But most especially family, and even more especially, parents.

not expecting anyone to stick around for this protracted drama! I think you'll find that sticking around for protracted drams is what AIBU does best and you will be very unpopular if you fail to deliver.

Oh goodness, this has so much capacity to go wrong. Your family have put you in a very difficult position and I’m annoyed on your behalf. It difficult to say no to this sort of thing without causing a rift in the family. But I think you are right to be cautious and in your situation I would want to say no.

@SupineSlumber I would check if they have pulled others in by saying you have agreed to lend them £££k that may have lulled them into a false sense of security, so they felt safer lending. You do not want to be tarred with their brush especially if they are people you care about.

Stick to your guns OP. Dont let them bully you into it

I wouldn't.

gift it to us -er no i dont think so

you'll never se eit again and u cant make 15 k appear on a statment it doesnt work like that

No.

Well done OP. That was a very diplomatic way of handling quite an awkward situation.

The general rule is not to lend money you couldn't afford to lose.

I agree with the above , I would lend my parents the money without doubt, Looks like most people on here value money more than family

Ah the old emotional blackmail technique! Used for hundreds of years to manipulate money out of family members! “If you REALLY valued family and if you REALLY loved me you’d give me your life’s savings!”
How about, if you REALLY loved your children you wouldn’t expect them to give away their only savings for a completely unnecessary house purchase? I would never expect this of my kids because I love them.

Well done.

Are you feeling more relaxed yet? Or more like there is a tiger waiting to pounce?

My husband is in his 60s and I'm in my late 50s and it simply would not cross our minds to do something like this and borrow money from family, friends and your own children! Absolutely do not do it. If they are that desperate to not be part of a chain why don't they sell the house and rent for a few months before buying? We had to do that 20 years ago, and a friend has just had to do it after a house sale falling through. Your parents are being very selfish.

Ah hell no.

There is a reason they can't sell their house, or rather their house isn't worth what they say. I reckon they've already had a large chunk of money out of their houses value one way or another and don't wish to reveal that.

They want it down as a gift so it looks like they can afford a mortgage they can't actually afford. Thats the only reason to have it down as a gift rather than a loan.

A loan is no use to them.

Therefore they can't afford to repay you OR whoever else they borrow money from or probably whoever else they owe money to already for the house they currently live in.

They can't allow someone else to buy the house for them because when they either don't sell their house or sell and it nets them nowhere near what the market value is in actual cash, they will be caught out and won't have their names on the deeds of the new property.

Run. Run far far away. Say no. Keep saying it.

If you did want to see if they have remortgaged their house or have an equity release deal you can download their deeds on line for about £3 if I recall correctly. It will show details of any charges on the property.

Just say “ I don’t want to get involved in this please stop asking me “ I’d rather have a falling out than go along with it

@Mintjulia

On retiring, my eldest sis and her dh sold their house, moved to the area where they wanted to live and rented for six months. This freed them from a house-buying chain, took away a lot of the stress of moving, enabled them to really get to know their surroundings and make an informed purchase, and cost them about £4,000 in rent.

It worked so well, I intend to do the same.

Perhaps you should suggest it to your parents.

We have done this with every move. You can easily save your rent by not having to accept a bit lower when selling because you are under no pressure and can get a bit knocked off when buying because you have cash.

Would recommend this to everybody

With the next invariable tantrum you can put them off by stating that you have been advised by your mortgage advisor that you need their three most recent financial statements pertaining to their current mortgage to ascertain their repayment eligibility before your funds can be released.

Can't they just do an equity release on their existing house so they don't need to sell and you r family members don't need to.lend.

Absolutely they could try to do an equity release on their current property. They're really entitled and cheeky, it's too much of a risk.

Give them 10k and forget about it, if you can afford to do so, or say no to their request. I certainly wouldn't get into any kind of drama about the repayment of a loan with my family or friends, there is absolutely no generosity in that, and potential.for much misery. Personally I'd just say no as I give people money when they need it to get out of a tight spot and this isn't a tight spot imo.

Ah the old emotional blackmail technique! Used for hundreds of years to manipulate money out of family members! “If you REALLY valued family and if you REALLY loved me you’d give me your life’s savings!”
How about, if you REALLY loved your children you wouldn’t expect them to give away their only savings for a completely unnecessary house purchase? I would never expect this of my kids because I love them.
This.

It's worrying that some people seem to think blackmail is acceptable.