SIL has covid and wants us to come for xmas

[Friendsoftheearth]

SIL, BIL and all three dc are just recovering from covid, they will be allowed out again in a few days - despite some of them being relatively high risk they were all ill but fine, so very relieved and happy about that.

However this evening SIL has invited us to her house for christmas - in laws have already passed away - and we are the only family she has. The can't come to us as one of their dc will need to work, and will be joining us later.

SIL said it is great news as she now can't catch covid, so we can relax. DH does not see it that way, and does not want to go, he is worried her house will be covered in covid, and sees the grown up dc as still a risk as no doubt they will go out and party for England. They are late teens and do love to party, which is why they were probably ill in the first place.

Is it is true we are now relatively 'safe' as it will be a month by the time we get to christmas? Are they are a fairly safe bet, or are they still a risk? I know you can get covid twice, but the antibodies are likely to last longer than a month surely? Dh is digging up info that confirms covid stays on surfaces for up to 76 days, and we are putting ourselves and children at risk by even considering seeing them.

I am close to SIL and would like to see them, but not if we are all going to be ill afterwards. DD asthmatic, but otherwise 49-55 age bracket with teen dc. Thank you!

@Friendsoftheearth

I think he is scarred from the reoccurring sickness/Norovirus that we had one year, when we did become reinfected over and over again for six whole weeks.

Oh god that’s my worst nightmare

When I recovered from noro, not a good recovery, I steam cleaned and boil washed everything in the flat before I let anyone in. My parents thought it was mad.

But....I don’t feel that way about covid. If he’s going anywhere he could catch covid. I realise can’t choose their fears but I do understand the noro fear. Handwashing and more handwashing...

I think your DH is being very reasonable.

Teenage kids that can party for England could easily be asymptomatic.

Why put yourself in a vulnerable position if you are uncomfortable with it and it is potentially life threatening.

Purely your choice and no one else's.

I think his point was this:

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/12/virus-that-causes-covid-19-can-survive-up-to-28-days-on-surfaces-scientists-find

It's five weeks away and she will have cleaned between now and then surely...

Your DH will clearly not be able to relax if you go. I sense that you are also unsure; you want to go but you're not 100% sure it's safe. Your relatives have all had the virus but there is still a lot we don't know about how it's transmitted; specifically if it's possible to have had it and still be a spreader. I have similar concerns about DS at university who's had it: he is one of the main reasons I've decided not to host my elderly parents this Christmas.

I would therefore advise that you just skip it and have a quiet Christmas this year. Given your ages you all have many more Christmases to come! Next year you'll all have been vaccinated and will feel protected.

@Friendsoftheearth

There must be other people in this position, what have they decided to do?

Is your Dh clinically vulnerable in some way? Is that feeding his anxiety? If so I can kind of understand his general Covid worry due to his health but not concerning your sister and family at all.

Regards the question above ..

Well my MIL has been happy to see us since I was ill. She'll be here for Christmas as FIL died in April and she'd rather not be alone.

We will probably see my parents too and also possibly my siblings and my BIL/nieces too even if from a distance. None are out off from the fact that I've had Covid.

And that's with increased risk in our household (we certainly don't see having had Covid as a risk factor) - I teach, Dh goes out to work and sees clients, Dd is a first year student. Both nieces and my nephew go to school too.

Fwiw I caught Covid at school, most likely from a symptom free child. Was always my biggest trial area and it felt inevitable tbh. Abd it was a worry as I'm clinically vulnerable.

he is worried her house will be covered in covid

Oh fgs OP, your DH sounds dense.

@Nottherealslimshady

I'd be more concerned about the "we've had it so now we can relax" attitude than any lingering surface viruses. I wouldn't be in close contact with anyone with that attitude.

The latest info suggests you have immunity for 6 months.

The norovirus cycle was an utter nightmare, it was so hard to break, no sooner had one child got over it the other was reinfected. The only plus side was the one and a half stone I lost (which sadly didn't last!)

@TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince

‘Because he has to as they are the rules he set out himself .’

Since when did Boris follow any sort of rules?

When they’re ones, where he can skive? 🤷‍♀️

It doesn't matter what people here think. I don't think you're likely to convince him OP, and he'll be miserable if you force it.

So what's the alternative? Could you meet up outdoors halfway and have a hot chocolate and walk somewhere perhaps? Could you go alone?

@Friendsoftheearth

The norovirus cycle was an utter nightmare, it was so hard to break, no sooner had one child got over it the other was reinfected. The only plus side was the one and a half stone I lost (which sadly didn't last!)

Oh, I’m panicking less now. I live alone! I know one person who seemed to have it twice but she lives with a partner.

Why on earth don't you sit down in front of a computer together and educate yourselves? There are good websites such as the NHS that have all the information you need to make an informed assessment of the risk.

If you always rely on forums and SM then you will remain ignorant and anxious. And frankly it is also stupid because it is a stupid decision to stay using SM and eg bloody Mumsnet when there are far more intelligent options.

Dh is 53, mildly overweight - carries it well, lung issues as a baby otherwise well, but really does not want to take his chances. Not unlike Boris build, and I think it really rattled him when Boris was carted off to ICU.

We have done that haff

Underneath dh's concern is a worry that he will be one of the unlucky ones. You can't educate someone not to be worried!

"Unless you SIL doesn’t clean for a month then it’s unlikely there’ll be COVID in the house"

But even if she didn't clean for a month, won't it have evaporated??

I think his point was this

Current scientific thinking is that fomite (surface) transmission is far less of an issue than first thought. While the virus can survive on a surface, it is too fragile to survive a journey from surface to hand to face with any regularity.

And certainly not after 28 days.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-decontamination-in-non-healthcare-settings/covid-19-decontamination-in-non-healthcare-settings

The infection risk from a COVID-19 contaminated environment decreases over time. It is not yet clear at what point there is no risk from the virus, however, studies suggest that, in non-healthcare settings, the risk of residual infectious virus is likely to be significantly reduced after 48 hours.

Is your SIL storing bin bags full of used tissues and personal waste? As long as it's been stored for over 72 hours you are highly unlikely to get covered in Covid .

Does your dh suffer from health anxiety? If not then he is BU.

@year5teacher

Your husband is worried the house will be “covered in covid” a month later?

Well, apparently he has ‘evidence’ that it survives for 76 days!!!!!

[quote Friendsoftheearth]I think his point was this:

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/12/virus-that-causes-covid-19-can-survive-up-to-28-days-on-surfaces-scientists-find[/quote]
That's in the lab though isn't it?

There have been a miniscule number of cases of people getting covid twice - so miniscule as to not be worth considering in reality. You're more likely to die falling down your own stairs than catching covid from the in laws who have already had it a month before. Similarly, whilst the virus can live on surfaces a) not for that long and b) it doesn't seem to actually transmit with any ease from surfaces.

The risks are very very low. I would happily go in your situation

The virus would not stay on surfaces for 76 days, it just doesn't! I think it 'can stay on surfaces for up to 72 hours. And I'm assuming they'd be doing basic cleaning at least once between now and Christmas, Covid or not, and that they practice basic hygiene? If they are sure that they've all had it (i.e. have been tested), I wouldn't regard this visit as highly risky - assuming that you're driving and not taking public transport. People have been known to get it twice, but not that quickly. However, if your dh is that anxious he, and therefore the rest of you won't enjoy yourselves; and I assume that it's his family, and therefore ultimately up to him.

I understand that people want to meet up but hubby and I will be staying at home this year. You spend your Christmas how you want to. I wouldn’t be happy going if they had all had it, no matter how safe they think they all are 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would not go myself. M25 or not.