To think that the government's idea will start family rows that will go on for years?

[bigbirdsmate]

Having to choose r families to spend these precious bloody days with. So people will have to hurt each other all over the place. Choosing between spending time with one partners parents or the other. Choosing which kids to spend it with. It's bollocks, I'd much rather carry on with lockdown. I don't want to call any of our families because I can't bare the hurt and the aftermath of saying maybe we can't choose them.
Fuck off virus

It'll only cause fights if you have the kind of family who start petty fights over nothing much at all. In which case, they would manage to do so about something else sooner or later.

Most families have to make some compromises with in-laws anyway, and most humans recognise that there will be special circumstances where it's important to make sure nobody is left alone. Just work out a plan across all siblings on both sides, cross-check with in-laws and partners; generally it can be worked out fairly easily.

Not here, we had a sensible adult discussion with our family, who like us agree that forgetting the months of restrictions we have had and will have after Xmas, in order to make believe that the virus will go to sleep for a magical 5 day period is stupid.

*So we will be meeting people outside for a socially distanced walk and present exchange.

We will still laugh and smile, talk to each other, tell them how much we love them, enjoy spending time together. We just won't do it in a way that puts them at risk.*

This^ is eminently sensible and much like us.

I don't understand all the drama about Christmas, in the bigger scheme of things its just couple of days, we are facing the biggest health and economic challenge of this century and people are obsessing about Christmas.....

@Whattheactual20201

I’m intrigued by yours - you say you’ve discussed it like adults, which of the 3 kids doesn’t get to see their dad for his last Christmas? Cos you can’t mix 4 house holds over the period?

Yabu. Unless you live in a mansion you usually just alternate which parts of the family you spend christmas with anyway. If you can’t see someone this year, arrange to see them next xmas or at Easter.

Let’s be clear. The Government does not want us to meet up at Christmas. This is going to spread the virus and increase deaths.

But it is clear - particularly from threads in mumsnet - that huge numbers of people plan to see family anyway.

What the Government has done is decriminalise it so that (a) the police don’t run around fining everyone tens of thousands of pounds on Christmas day and (b) the Government don’t look like out of control idiots and can instead claim that people are following the rules.

@Meatshake

We were planning to host four households. Us, plus...

1. BIL and nephew (4), as my sister is working (NHS). They can't go to his parents as he has 3 siblings and his dad is EV.

1. my mum and dad. Dad is a recovering alcoholic and emotionally unstable this time of year due to a horrible upbringing, it's a bit of a trigger/flash point.

1. My Grandad (85) who lives alone and is v independent, he will otherwise be alone for xmas.

Fuck knows which one I'll disinvite 😔

Your grandad as a single household can form a support bubble with you or your parents - that is then counted as one household. Hope this helps!

Mansion? I routinely hosted 6 households (23 people) in my 3 bed terrace.

My GPs, who did have a decent sized detached house, but not a mansion would have routinely had 30+ at Christmas. Squeezing people in is part of the fun of Christmas.

@Meatshake

We were planning to host four households. Us, plus...

1. BIL and nephew (4), as my sister is working (NHS). They can't go to his parents as he has 3 siblings and his dad is EV.

1. my mum and dad. Dad is a recovering alcoholic and emotionally unstable this time of year due to a horrible upbringing, it's a bit of a trigger/flash point.

1. My Grandad (85) who lives alone and is v independent, he will otherwise be alone for xmas.

Fuck knows which one I'll disinvite 😔

As someone who lives alone can your grandad not be in yours or your parents support bubble? That means (i think ) that you only have 3 households. People in support bubbles i believe (in England anyway) are classed as one household.

It depends of course if your grandad has a support bubble normally of course

Ooops, didn't refresh the thread. I see you've had this advice already.
"Cancel the cheque"

I have 2 siblings with familes and my parents.

So that is four.

But then both SIL have a parent who lives alone. And they have siblings too.

So who knows how we will sort it?

We won't argue about it, we will make it work, but then we are not a family with deep undercurrents or unreasonable members, and we will all cope with a quiet Christmas.

Even if we coudl I am not sure having all 16 of us togethe ris a good idea for my parents anyway. My parents are top of the list for vaccination in January. My siblings and I are all over 50, so shoudl also be fairly high in the list. I am tempted to tell family to plan for big family get together at end of jan, as an alternative to Christmas, and then we can all hug each other too.

All sorted here. My parents are staying home not seeing anyone or my db may be allowed home for work but for him to work they cannot see me anyway so no change there will we do a distance exchange of gifts before so everyone has their stuff.

Christmas will me our house, mils house plus 1 because they are bubbles and Sils family.

Was the plan this year anyway apart from my parents would normally pop by in the morning but instead will FaceTime.

@FitterHappierMoreProductive there is no point in falling out over it.
Xmas is one day in the grand scheme of things, xmas does not change the fact my dad is sick ( he had a little time left and we are optimistic in terms of seeing half the year )
I have a CEV daughter, and due to give birth between December and January depending on indication date.
I have a partner my sister does not so would be at home on her own otherwise with her DC.
My 2 siblings and their DC will bubble with parents over Xmas and we will use Alexa to be at dinner with them. We will have our special they with our DF afterwards.

It's just another day...except that this year, when many of us have seen so little of family, it's potentially a bigger deal than usual who we spend the holidays with. Those "normal" choices - your parents or DH's parents for Christmas... visit your mum or visit your dad.....which sibling/child to see on Christmas Day....take on a greater weight and significance when it's likely going to be Easter before you can see the other one, rather than, say, popping over for lunch on the 27th, or dinner at new year. So I see the difficulty.

It's one of those times when I am grateful for being an only child. Reduces the scope for family rows over this stuff :-)

On my side, parents are both saying politer words to the effect of fuck the Christmas corona-party - unless you're going to isolate for 2 weeks prior, I'll see you in person once I've had the jab, ta very much. And because my mum is on her own and v isolated, for the sake of her mental health we are going to do that ie isolate and see her at the end of the holidays. Which means no seeing the in-laws for us, and that is hard for DH but on the other hand it lets his mum off the hook of having to play favourites and choose which of her 3 adult kids is NFI for Christmas. So a good result overall :-)

Of course easier for those who have mostly local family and can meet outdoors for walks etc or if in lower tiers, see family in penny numbers on other weekends. But if you have to travel to see family, it's holiday periods or not at all so these are tough choices.

I'm surprised at the number of people who still listen to the governments advice.

Some people will have exceptional circumstances but the rest need to get a grip.

@Whattheactual20201

I’m impressed you’ve managed to sort it in those circumstances. I couldn’t agree more that it’s not worth faking out over, sadly I have petulant family members who don’t agree 🤦🏻‍♀️
#merrychristmas 😭

@Quaagars

Im clinically extremely vulnerable and its shit

Bit people are just treating the lockdown like nothing is happening.

If other people werent so selfish then maybe i would of been able to go out by now!!!!

And tes my family are being sensible and not seeing each other because its just Christmas! Not the end of the world!!!!

I wish we were told to stay in lockdown over Christmas. But for different reasons. One group of relatives definitely expect me to visit. It's become tradition, and I'd feel guilty if I didn't.
But, I don't have a car, so have to use public transport, which also makes me feel very guilty and worried. So I feel guilty either way
If we'd all been locked down over Christmas, it'd have been out of my hands. No agonising moral dilemma. But, I guess life is full of agonising moral dilemmas, and it's impossible to be perfect.
I think I will have to go, but will be ultra careful. Travel either very early in the morning, or very late at night, when trains less busy, wear the most protective mask I can find, and bring masses of hand gel. I'll also isolate a few days when I return.
Nobody I'm mixing with is CIV. We're waiting till my parents are vaccinated before I see them, as they do fall into that category.
No easy answers, and no judgement of anyone else's decisions. It's an anxiety-inducing nightmare to have to make these decisions...

Sorry, CEV, not CIV!

My parents have decided they are not seeing anyone as Boris has sent them a letter with a crest ( I kind you not) saying they are tops of the list for a vaccine

Df is terminally ill- last Christmas I expect

Of the 8 people they would seen- 4 have had covid and the other 4 were prepared to self isolate for 7 days

I am not debating it with them
I have returned all of their gifts.
Cancelled the food that had been ordered for them

Bought a load of toys with the money to go to a school with 75% FSM of which I a governor

People need to be adult about it and agree to meet at some other point to have a Christmas day.

@CovidClara - I have returned all of their gifts.
What a nasty piece of work you are. Giving gifts can still be done from outside or by post. Your parents are just trying to keep themselves safe during a pandemic, how dare you be so damned selfish as to try to make them feel bad for it?

I have returned all of their gifts.

Your poor parents. Why so vindictive?

Top of the list for vaccine is care home residents.

Visiting is already highly restricted, and I doubt any will become a free for all - 8 visitors per resident just puts far too many people under one roof.

But one hopes that everything he will get a visitor or two, and that no one else is so vindictive as to withhold presents.

I get what you're saying but it's not the government's fault that these are
your particular family dynamics.

The government have to try and cater for everyone and a lot of people do want to have the option to see their family.