To really be angry/upset by DH white lie

[Plantyplantasaurus]

I had an appointment at the time I usually walk the dog and asked him to take instead while I was out, said yes. I come back and dog is still in house and is perfectly clean and dry. Where we live and with recent weather there is nowhere to walk where coming home clean and dry is remotely possible.

Asked if he had actually taken dog, to which he said yes and started getting arsey that I am questioning him. I said I think you are lying. Took the dog and am now even more 100% certain they hadn’t been for various reasons.

I know it’s not a huge deal although disrespectful and annoying, he probably just couldn’t be arsed and I was back earlier than expected...but I really hate lying, he knows this, it really eats away at trust for me as I have had some pretty monumental lie situations in previous relationships. This isn’t the first time he’s told a little lie to smooth things over for himself or avoid a conflict (he really hates conflict, like I really hate lying).

I’ve left it for now as I’m busy but how would you approach this? It is going to wind me up all day I think!

Anyone who is about to shout LTB please don’t as our relationship is good, we are happy and he is not a generally awful person. Doesn’t mean I want to let it slide, just to react proportionately.

@ProfessionalWeirdo what would be an example of a white lie? This would be one in my understanding but I may have understood the meaning wrongly

A white lie to me means saying the dinner you've spent ages on is delicious when it isn't really. Or saying you've forgotten an anniversary when you've actually got a surprise planned.

[quote Plantyplantasaurus]@ProfessionalWeirdo what would be an example of a white lie? This would be one in my understanding but I may have understood the meaning wrongly[/quote]
A white lie is a tactful lie, told to avoid telling a truth that might be hurtful. An example might be not telling someone that their new hairstyle doesn't suit them.

I like to think of it as a lie told for someone else's benefit, rather than for the benefit of the liar. Unless I'm missing something, I'm afraid I don't see anything "white" about the lie your DH told you.

Yes, a white lie has to be harmless. It's usually trivial. The white symbolises 'good', so it's to a good purpose.

Ok got it, just a plain old lie then!

Tbh it sounds like your DH is just a lazy turd who didn't take the dog out as you usually do it so so sees it as your job.

It's not like he forgot to put the bins out or out the washing machine on.A walk is essentially to the dogs physical and mental well being.Ill put money on the dog being shoved in the garden and him thinking you won't know the dog hasn't been out.

I know 100% the dog hadn’t been for a walk, there is no possible scenario in the time available and with the evidence in front of me that this was true. We are having work done and even stepping out of the house at the moment involves mud

You KNOW he's a liar.. we know he's a liar... your poor poor dog.. your DH is a Prick for not taking that dog out.. what a bloody shame

@Plantyplantasaurus

So its not possible for him to have carried the dog, or cleaned his paws when he returned. When you took the dog out and returned the dog was covered in mud was it?
Sorry You can't be sure - If you were, you wouldn't have asked the question in the first place.
You would have just said I will take the dog out as I am back early, instead of trying to trap him. Its no wonder he gets stressed talking to you.

If I were your husband and discovered you'd been asking complete strangers on the internet how you should deal with something you suspect he'd lied about, then I'd be far more annoyed with you than you are with him !

I bet the DOG was stressed by not being let out too

Could your dp method of walking the dog different from how you would walk the dog, eg there's paths and pavements, and your dp could of just took him round the block, where as your version of walking the dog could be round fields ect ?

This does appear to be a bit of an overreaction and tbh pushing it further does start to seem controlling. Ok let’s assume he lied, you know he did and you’re rightly pissed off. But it does rank lower down on a scale and since you seem to organise him and check up on him it is likely he feels infantilised already.

Dogs need taken out to do their business and be exercised ... if you don't want to do these important things for your precious dog... don't have a dog...

Well now you know you can't trust him to look after your dog if necessary.

@RoseTintedAtuin so I shouldn’t ask him to do things I normally do to help save time as it’s infantilising? I wouldn’t have ‘checked up’ had the dog looked like it had been for a walk I’d have just take it as job done

you're quite right to be pissed off OP... it's the poor Dog ffs.... not emptying the bins ... the dog suffered as a result of his laziness 🌺

@butterpuffed I think that would apply to most DH moans on MN to be honest

So your question is, how can you affect change in behaviour from someone who doesn’t see their behaviour as a problem, you can’t.

It’s either a deal breaker or it isn’t and given that he has form for lying to get him self out of a hole, it clearly isn’t. You can of course call him out but at the end of the day, it won’t change a thing until the consequences of lying are greater than the uncomfortableness of being challenged.

@BlueThistles

you're quite right to be pissed off OP... it's the poor Dog ffs.... not emptying the bins ... the dog suffered as a result of his laziness 🌺

The dog won't have "suffered" because it went for a walk an hour later than normal. Yes, it's annoying that he didn't take him out, but let's not go accusing him of animal neglect.

OP - I asked earlier but it might have been missed - would you have been upset or bothered if he'd admitted he hadn't taken the dog out?

The dog won't have "suffered" because it went for a walk an hour later than normal

If OP had believed the lie, the dog wouldn't have gone for a lot longer than an hour without its regular toileting opportunity. That demonstrates a poor level of concern for its welfare, on the part of the husband.

If OP had believed the lie, the dog wouldn't have gone for a lot longer than an hour without its regular toileting opportunity. That demonstrates a poor level of concern for its welfare, on the part of the husband.

If the dog needed the toilet, it would ask to go out. There's no way the majority of dogs would just sit around needing the toilet if someone was around to let them out.

I do think he should have walked the dog (or at least admitted he hadn't) but I am interested in whether the OP would have been angry if he'd admitted to not bothering.

I cannot imagine the attraction of someone who you cannot trust

@vanillandhoney yes I would’ve been annoyed with him unless there was a good reason, or he did it ASAP when I got back so I wasn’t rushing . If something had cropped up with work for example it wouldn’t have been an issue.

[quote Plantyplantasaurus]@vanillandhoney yes I would’ve been annoyed with him unless there was a good reason, or he did it ASAP when I got back so I wasn’t rushing . If something had cropped up with work for example it wouldn’t have been an issue.[/quote]
But if you've asked him to take the dog out, surely it's upto him when he does it? Why the need to get annoyed because he hasn't done it to your specification?

@vanillandhoney because they would need to go to the toilet