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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In asking did your parents go away without you when you were little?

307 replies

Stantons · 24/11/2020 10:35

I often read on here about parents having holidays or nights away without their kids and a lot about separated parents doing this which I guess is more understandable. My parents never did this when I was a child 35 years ago is it a more recent thing?

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 24/11/2020 12:13

@kittykat35

Never. And I wouldn’t do either. I think it’s pretty shitty 🤷🏻‍♀️

🙄 there's always one...it's not shitty to want to spend some quality time with your dh without your dc @BigKnickers87
Dc are not who I want there when I'm celebrating our wedding anniversary at a destination spa hotel...and that is definitely ok. It's called self care! Not shitty in the slightest.

@kittykat35 didn't you know once women submit to motherhood we are no longer our own people, we are Jessica's Mum (probably utterly pointless even keeping our own names) and any enjoyment outside the enjoyment of our children makes us "shitty". Just wait until they're 18, by which point you'll likely be middle aged so the transition into Invisibility 2.0 will be fairly easy to manage seeing as you haven't been allowed to be you for the last 18 years, and now you won't be allowed to even exist Wink
Hylyma1234 · 24/11/2020 12:14

We’ve never been away without our kids, we didn’t even have a honeymoon because we had no one to look after them. If we had the chance to go on holiday without the kids, then absolutely!

Strokethefurrywall · 24/11/2020 12:14

Yes my parents went away regularly, we stayed with my nana and had a riot. Loved it, never felt hard done by.

DH and I go away regularly without the kids and the helper stays with them (they're 9&6) or MIL/parents if they're visiting.

They miss us but enjoy the presents we bring back more...

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 24/11/2020 12:16

Not often, but mainly because they didn’t have anyone to babysit! Once I was a teenager I remember staying at my friend’s for a few days while they went away for an anniversary. I also went on holiday with my friend’s family once or twice, and she came with us, as we were both only children. I’m thinking our parents might have taken a trip at the same time?
I got married after having dc, so they stayed with my parents while we were on our honeymoon.
Also.. remember the story Lady and the Tramp?! The parents went away leaving the new baby. I think that was quite common for upper class parents of that era.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 24/11/2020 12:17

Well I think it's a bit shitty to not sometimes prioritise your relationship … it's good for kids to see that their parents (or even step) still get on well enough to want to enjoy each other's company alone.

Loubycee1 · 24/11/2020 12:17

Nice to hear that lots of you went to Grandparents, I was left alone and this was mid 1990's. They would never get away with it now lol

notacooldad · 24/11/2020 12:18

People didn't travel or have the money to do so with young families in those days.
Which day?
My parents started going away in 1974!! My dad's mum encouraged them to go as she loved travelling and did so up to the year before her death at the age of 92
My parents weren't skint and could easy afford it. In fact every fad that came out mum and dad had to have it from house hold appliances to home entertainment such as VHS and video games mum and dad had to have it!
Don't make sweeping statements about us all.

SpillingTheTea · 24/11/2020 12:18

When we got to 16 they'd no longer pay for us to go on holiday.
So sometimes got left behind after that.

When I was 15 they went abroad and took my younger sister but not me as I would be turning 16 a month after they come back. Hmm

Megan2018 · 24/11/2020 12:19

Not holidays, no.
Occasional single nights away though eg weddings/funerals/anniversary etc
They did have lots of evenings out though for which we had babysitters.

My Dad worked away a lot though and my mum was SAHM for most of the time (this was 80’s-early 90’s)

When I was a teen I opted to stay with my grandparents instead of going on the family holiday though!

LightTripper · 24/11/2020 12:19

I don't think my parents ever did: I'm 45. Doesn't seem to have harmed their relationship as they are still going strong today!

SquigglePigs · 24/11/2020 12:19

Mine had the occasional weekend away with friends (like once a year) when I was younger, then when I was a bit older and they had a bit more money they had the occasional weekend away by themselves too. Never long holidays though.

I loved getting a weekend with my Grandma so it was all good.

It's a good thing to spend time on your relationship as adults. My parents have said they'll happily have DD so we can do the same. If it wasn't for COVID we might have done already but DD is only 2 so plenty of time.

ItCouldBeBunnies · 24/11/2020 12:20

No, never. I was left for one night while my mum was in labour with my sister but that's it.

I've been away with friends for the odd night but have left DC with DH. We haven't both gone away together yet but maybe next year! DC are 4 and 7.

HOkieCOkie · 24/11/2020 12:21

Yeah skiing mostly tho. When we were older we went to.

NeonIcedcoffee · 24/11/2020 12:22

Less holidays but some weekends away. However ww used to stay at my grandparents every Sat night as kids until early teens. So my parents could go to the pub. I didn't really like this as the one full day you have off school at the weekend you just want to relax at home we would go quite early say 4.30pm then be picked up after Sunday lunchtime. My grandparents are lovely but were strict. We didn't have any toys or stuff at their house our our own room. It makes me sad to think about as I think as a kid you just want a bit of down time in your own space.
Is that unfair of me?

SafferUpNorth · 24/11/2020 12:23

Yes for sure, when I was a kjid in the 70s and 80s my parents would go on at least two foreign holidays a year without us, often as an 'add-on' to a conference or something my dad was attending. We'd stay with my gran. They never took us abroad - us kids got caravan holidays.

I remember being utterly distraught as a young primary schooler, maybe 6 or 7, missing my mum terribly when they were away for what felt like weeks. As i got older i really loved the time at gran's but always felt cheated at not being taken to Paris, Venice or Barcelona. But I guess in those days travel was more expensive. And my parents were of the view it'd be 'wasted' on children.

We now take our son everywhere with us, he loves to travel and see the world (well in pre-Covd times!) and I'll never underestimate the value of giving young children such enriching experiences.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/11/2020 12:26

I don’t actually understand why anyone would want to go away for a couple of weeks and leave the kids at home. Holidays are IMO for family, there’s plenty of time for romantic holidays when the kids are older

Where do you stand on romantic weekends away while the kids are young?..........if you wait till your kids are grown to concentrate on the romance in a marriage you might find that ship has sailed, marriage takes constant up keep and attention

PodgeBod · 24/11/2020 12:26

No, but we were sometimes sent on holidays with our grandparents.

Bambam2019 · 24/11/2020 12:27

I’m 28 and my mum did this several times lol. I stayed with grandparents, she would go (abroad) on hen weekends, big birthday celebrations etc. She always made sure we got away together too (also abroad) at least once a year so I wasn’t really missing out, and was lucky to have a close relationship with my grandparents so never minded staying there for a long weekend. It wasn’t all the time, certainly no more than once a year, though!

HalloumiFries · 24/11/2020 12:29

Similar to PP, my parents had two holidays every year - one with me (I'm an only) and one on their own. I stayed with grandparents when they were away.

In addition, mum would have a weekend away with her two close friends once per year and dad would regularly travel and stay over for football matches etc. All of this happened throughout my childhood and must have started when I was very young (I can't remember a time when it wasn't the case). I'm 42 now if that puts it in any useful context.

It never used to bother me, perhaps because it had always happened so I just accepted it. I had an amazing relationship with my grandparents and looked forward to the weeks with them. I was aware though that many of my friends and their parents found it strange.

They started leaving me home alone from that age of 16 - that was even better. Always kept it quiet though - I was terrified that word would get around about me having an "empty" and that loads of folk from school would turn up to party and wreck the house.

NeonIcedcoffee · 24/11/2020 12:29

I'm feeling a bit emotional reading about how loads of people loved spending weeks at their grandparents. We were in no way spoilt by them. I feel like we were a bit of a burden tbh. They were a very different generation though my mum was born at the end of the 50s when my grandmother was 21 so they were still working when we were kids and had been quite strict with my mum and her sibling. So that's how they were with us. God this has been an unexpected emotional thread for me.

MeadowHay · 24/11/2020 12:30

No, but my parents couldn't have afforded it anyway. The only holidays we had were school trips, going abroad to visit family abroad and occasionally tagging a holiday on to a parents' work-related overseas trip. They couldn't have afforded for themselves to have more holidays, it would have meant us having less if they had, so they prioritised those trips for/with us. I imagine most of the population can't afford to do two holidays a year one without their kids given the average wage in this country etc so these responses aren't representative of wider society surely. DH went on one holiday ever as a child and his parents certainly didn't go on any other ones as they couldn't afford to.

shelbyrae · 24/11/2020 12:30

My mum would go away for work trips sometimes and I'd stay with my grandparents

But as for holidays no - we would only travel to visit family for holidays so of course we both went!

I have actually been considering it myself though seeing as I am a single parent and it would be nice to go away for a couple nights!

I'm 28

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 24/11/2020 12:33

When I was 2 my parents went to England (from Australia) for a work related trip for just over 2 weeks. I stayed with my Aunty and my Grandma and apparently had an absolute blast. I have no recollection of it.

Benjispruce2 · 24/11/2020 12:34

Once we were older teens they went away but DB and DSis were 20 and 18 and sensible.

ThornAmongstRoses · 24/11/2020 12:34

I remember my parents going out every Friday night and we slept at our nan’s house - but they didn’t have any trips away.

My children are 3.5 and 6 and for the last 18 months, every 6 months we go on a 3 day City Break somewhere in Europe whilst they stay with grandparents.

I can’t imagine us ever wanting to both be away from them for any longer time period than that.