In asking did your parents go away without you when you were little?

[Stantons]

I often read on here about parents having holidays or nights away without their kids and a lot about separated parents doing this which I guess is more understandable. My parents never did this when I was a child 35 years ago is it a more recent thing?

Stayed with my grandparents when my mum was in hospital, think I was 7 or 8.
My mum claimed my Nan didn't brush my (sit-on-able length) hair properly & too tangled to sort out - had it cut to about an inch all over, the hairdresser said I was to big to sit in the children's horse chair (something I'd always wanted, but didn't happen as the sit-on-able hair had never been cut).
Still bitter 50 years on.
Probably wasn't that tangled - just my mum's way of demonstrating MiL hadn't done it properly.

The only time we were left is when my parents were at the hospital having our younger sibling. I remember sleepovers at grandparents, but that was because we begged to stay there, and it was never all of us at once.

I remember being quite anxious whenever they were out for an evening as I was so used to them being around! That said, we're likely going to have to leave our kids at some point. (Pre-Covid) We both travel a lot for work, although so far not at the same time!

@BigKnickers87
What is pretty shitty and why?

Yes. I’m early 40’s. They went on one or two weekends away per year. We loved being looked after by Aunties.

My mum never so much as went for a drink with her friends. She never went on nights out, meals out, trips away with girlfriends, nothing. She was all "for us" - and as a result we really didn't see her as a human with her own interests and life. She was MumBot in our eyes. And honestly the constant presence of her and pressure because she was never away was so, so suffocating. It would have been nice as a teen with 2 older brothers to be able to have the house to myself for an hour or so. It would have been nice to see her enjoy herself.

Now I'm a mum I go away with friends, I tell my kids I'm going for nights out, I let them know that I am important too and my time for myself is important. It's good for them to see us do things that aren't just about them. One day they will be teenagers and look right through us, and another day they will leave home and I don't want to be suddenly alone with no friends because I never put the effort in, and no interests because the only interests were my children. Being a good parent does not mean blindly devoting every nano second to them from 0-18.

BTW my mum makes up for it now - she lives abroad and is part of a very close ex Pat community where they essentially get pissed at each other's houses every night

My mum and stepfather, never.
My dad would regularly use the money he refused to pay as child maintenance to take his latest girlfriend away on the weekends he was supposed to have us, though, so I suppose he did!

No not until I was older. But my mum didn’t go back to work until I was 10 either, it was a different time. I have 3 kids and work full time so I do go for breaks without them sometimes. I’ve been for a few city breaks, maybe once or twice a year, without them. They don’t mind, they stay with grandparents and we bring them back presents!

I think there’s a difference between a night away and a holiday.

My parents did go for a couple of nights away for various things, but never on holiday and it would never even have occurred to them to do it.

Similarly I went away for a couple of overnights with my eXH but it would never have occurred to either of us to leave DS so we could go on holiday.

I don’t actually understand why anyone would want to go away for a couple of weeks and leave the kids at home. Holidays are IMO for family, there’s plenty of time for romantic holidays when the kids are older...

When I was very young my parents dingy-raced competitively, so went away to competitions and we stayed with my grandmother, which I loved. When I was a bit older they bought a yacht and we went on family sailing holidays, which I hated with a vengeance so eventually they started leaving me with my grandmother again.

No, never. I have been away for 2 nights with DH but would never go for longer than that without the kids

Yeah mine did, not for long trips but for a few days now and again, in the 90s and early 2000s. Me and my brothers got split up amongst different families from our church to be looked after until old enough to stay home. It was always an interesting change of routine, especially when I stayed with one family that put penguin/club/etc. bars in my packed lunch for school - my mum never let me eat those!

People didn't travel or have the money to do so with young families in those days. But I do remember my parents going away for a long weekend for an important anniversary about 32 years ago. They went to England from Ireland, it was SOOOO exotic and I remember well the feeling of excitement and suddenly realising my parents were a couple not just parents! We stayed with Grandma.

Yes a few times. We grew up in the 80's. My dad was away 'on business' a lot. We weren't short on money.

My stepkids were very very angry when they heard their father had been on holiday with me and not them. I thought it would pass but it hasn't. Even a weekend away (on his non-contact time) causes mayhem. They are firmly of the opinion that he has no right to be going anywhere and spending money without them. I don't think it is good for children to be unaware that a relationship does exist outside of them.

Yep! At least once a year my parents went on holiday - usually a city break or something - to celebrate a birthday or something. They would also have the odd night away during the year too if they went to see a show or something.

As a parent myself, we will typically have one or two nights away a year without DS too.

People didn't travel or have the money to do so with young families in those days.

35 years ago? Some people did and had the money, some people didn't and didn't have the money - just like now. I'd been on a plane five or six times by my DS's age whereas he's never been abroad because my parents had lots more disposable income than DH and I have. People always say things like this - 'no one ate out at restaurants regularly in the 80s' when they mean 'no one I knew, in my particular social group ate out in restaurants in the 80s'.

@BigKnickers87

Never. And I wouldn’t do either. I think it’s pretty shitty 🤷🏻‍♀️

You'd hate me, I'm going away with a friend for 5 nights in New York next year and can't bloody wait! Kids will be at exH's for half the time and then their granny's and will love every minute, I won't miss them and they won't miss me - though TBH when I was married I went on trips away too with friends (rarely with exH though as we didn't really have the childcare provision then but if we had we would've gone away).

I have to say yes. I had one holiday abroad with them and when they could afford it they left me at home at the age of 15 for two weeks (about '97). When they did it again, they left me with £20 for two weeks so I had to ask my Nanna who lived miles away to come and give me some money.

I took the sports car out to college to show off, no licence yet, and I know it was so wrong but it felt so good! Many years ago but couldn't that sort of thing now, 25 years later!!

Always remember

Never. And I wouldn’t do either. I think it’s pretty shitty 🤷🏻‍♀️

🙄 there's always one...it's not shitty to want to spend some quality time with your dh without your dc @BigKnickers87
Dc are not who I want there when I'm celebrating our wedding anniversary at a destination spa hotel...and that is definitely ok. It's called self care! Not shitty in the slightest.

@Isthisnothing

Yes a few times. We grew up in the 80's. My dad was away 'on business' a lot. We weren't short on money.

My stepkids were very very angry when they heard their father had been on holiday with me and not them. I thought it would pass but it hasn't. Even a weekend away (on his non-contact time) causes mayhem. They are firmly of the opinion that he has no right to be going anywhere and spending money without them. I don't think it is good for children to be unaware that a relationship does exist outside of them.

@Isthisnothing what a nightmare, he can't have fun for himself on non contact weekends?! I'd say don't tell them next time!

.... edit

Wouldn't think of doing this with my two, we only have a night away without them when the Grandparents come and stay

DH and I have never been on a holiday without the children. DC have been on a few holidays at the grandparents' abroad - but during those weeks we were not going anywhere ourselves, just being busy with work and having quiet evenings and weekends in our city. We prefer to save our days off and the annual leave to spend them with DC

No because they hated each other!

My mum did a couple of trips alone when I stayed at my Nans.

DH and I have had a couple of long weekends away (birthday surprise, honeymoon) when my mum looked after the kids. As long as it’s not the one big holiday a year it’s not terrible.

Yep - I was left with grandparents for a "holiday" on three or four occasions. Even my siblings were elsewhere - with the other grandparents or off on their own in the case of the eldest.

I quite liked it.

I don’t actually understand why anyone would want to go away for a couple of weeks and leave the kids at home. Holidays are IMO for family, there’s plenty of time for romantic holidays when the kids are older
We had holidays as a family which were great.
We weren't left at home. We stayed with grandparents on both sides that live nearby and we were really close to. It was bloody great as we had loads of extra treats, allowed to stay up half an hour later than usual ( which seemed like ages!!) have supper which was something we didn't normally have at home. It was always shortbread biscuits and a cup of ovaltine which seemed very special. Before supper we played cards for money!! ( we were given bags of 50p in pennies which had to last us.
Don't forget, there isn't always time to do things when the kids are older. Some parents don't make it. My mum and dad's annual holiday to Spain stopped when the husband of the couple died of a heart attack aged 46.
Life is about balance. I don't resent a single second my parents went away and I loved showing my friends the toys they brought back and sharing the sweets. The only thing that was a bit rubbish was having a film show that dad insisted on putting on!!