AIBU to not accept this reason as fair?

[orangeslicesocks]

My sisters wedding got postponed to the end of April. My birthday is at the beginning of April. I don't mind one bit sharing my birthday month with my sisters wedding ~ why would I, the dates aren't even close?

I live with my partner but he will be away on my birthday (unless trip is cancelled). My mum was going to travel up to spend my birthday with me and I was soooo looking forward to it. She didn't want me to be alone. The trip is from England to Scotland and is a short plane ride.

My sister is very sensitive, especially about her wedding. My mum has just informed me that she will no longer be travelling up to see me for my birthday because now my sisters wedding is in April she doesn't want my birthday celebrations to overshadow the arrangements of my sisters wedding and upset my sister. My mum thinks the month of April should be about my sister. My mum thinks because her wedding was postponed I need to be more sensitive. I think the date of my birthday has nothing to do with my sisters wedding and this is not a fair reason for my mum not to travel up. I would take COVID as a reason but not celebrating my birthday just in case it upsets my sister?

I have told my mum there are many COVID reasons that may result in her not being able to come. But I am so hurt by the reason she has chosen not to celebrate my birthday. It feels as if my sister potentially getting upset is more important than me definitely getting upse.

My parters trip may not get cancelled so I may not be alone. But I am so hurt at her reasoning for not coming to visit me. She has also suggested that my sisters hen be on my birthday weekend (the day after my birthday and the weekend she was originally going to spend celebrating my birthday with me) and that my mum may have to travel on my birthday to help my sister with wedding arrangements.

My mum has now said that I can come and visit her and she will pay for my ticket but she isn't coming to visit me in case it upsets my sister.

AIBU?

Yeah, that's absolutely bullshit.

WTAF? So your mum is quite happy to upset you over your sister? Hmmmm

Does your mum usually favour your sister?

How old are you?

I dont mean that in a snide way, I'm just wondering if you are very young or if this is a big birthday, because I cant imagine it being this much of a big deal otherwise.

Can you not just have a meal with friends or go for a drink with some mates to celebrate your birthday, or celebrate a few days later with your partner, or travel to your sisters wedding a day or two ahead to celebrate it with your mum?

I do think your mums reasoning is mental, but also think your mum coming up for your birthday is a bit of an added bonus not something that's necessarily a given.

I think your talk of "I would accept covid as a reason" sounds slightly entitled.

What does your sister say about it all?
Does she even know your mum has decided this?
Talk to her about it.

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2 I think because my sister is sensitive she cares more about her feelings and upsetting her.

@CrotchBurn I am 24 and my sister is 26. I don't really have any friends to spend my birthday with. Here I am more upset for my mums reason than the fact she can't come

@mineofuselessinformation she hasn't responded to my messages

I see. What's your relationship with your sister like? Could you mention to your sister you were thinking of getting your mum up for your birthday and just see how she reacts?

Thats frickin ridiculous. Of course the whole of April shouldn't be about her wedding covid or no covid. Everything should be done by then anyway!!

Your Mum is being ridiculous.

Is she always like this? Madness.

I see. How will your mum coming to see you on your birthday upset your sister..? She cannot consistently put her feelings above yours. That's not on.

Is that the normal dynamic? When you say your sister is sensitive, does she kick off if she doesnt get her own way? Is her bad behaviour being rewarded while you're normally the one that gets on with things and doesn't kick up a fuss?
Or does your mum tend to stress about things as well and do you think she thinks that it will all be a bit much for her?

Can you call your sister and ask for her take on it?

@OoohTheStatsDontLie @CrotchBurn my sister is unpredictable I think calling her will make this so much worse.

I really don't know the answers to the rest of your questions because we barely see each other since we live so far. My sister is very sensitive and gets upset very easily. She is so upset about her wedding I think my mum it trying to compensate.

It sounds as if your mother is treating your sister with kid gloves. She sounds rather delicate and spoilt. Your mum may have taken the easy option in order to avoid antics from her in April.

Well your mum had shown you exactly where you are in the pecking order.

Has your mother explained to your sister than she can not see her for the month of her birthday... To keep things even

I think you all need to grow the fuck up.

So your sister is a bit of a nob. And mummy panders to it?

@1FootInTheRave my sister is lovely when she's happy and in a good place and very difficult when she is sad. Right now she is very upset about her wedding and very anxious about COVID and I have faced the brunt of it

You all sound a bit mad tbh!! Sharing my birthday month with sisters wedding month? You both get a day - not a whole month ffs

The drama like

@Heyahun I agree with you. I was setting the scene because my mum keeps referring to April as my sisters wedding month

your Mum is bonkers and totally insensitive 🌺

Tbh, I think your mum isn't helping with all this birthday/wedding month nonsense. She should be helping to manage your sisters expectations, who knows if a wedding will even happen in April. God help your prospective brother in law if she's that sensitive about stuff.

The thing is, once you grow up and leave home birthdays (with the exception of bigs ones... 21, 30, 40 etc) aren't seen as a big deal. A phone call and a card are pretty usual. I don't see this as a favouritism thing. I suspect your mum is expecting to be busy most weekends with wedding stuff, and just can't face adding a trip away, and flights into the mix. If your sister is high maintenance I can imagine she is a bit of a bridezilla and your mum is pretty stressed out.

Maybe show some understanding? Have your mum to visit another time when she has less on her plate. I mean that kindly. Sometimes we don't see our parents as individuals with their own lives and stresses to deal with. We are so used to them being there when we need them.

That sounds absolutely ridiculous.