AIBU to not accept this reason as fair?

[orangeslicesocks]

My sisters wedding got postponed to the end of April. My birthday is at the beginning of April. I don't mind one bit sharing my birthday month with my sisters wedding ~ why would I, the dates aren't even close?

I live with my partner but he will be away on my birthday (unless trip is cancelled). My mum was going to travel up to spend my birthday with me and I was soooo looking forward to it. She didn't want me to be alone. The trip is from England to Scotland and is a short plane ride.

My sister is very sensitive, especially about her wedding. My mum has just informed me that she will no longer be travelling up to see me for my birthday because now my sisters wedding is in April she doesn't want my birthday celebrations to overshadow the arrangements of my sisters wedding and upset my sister. My mum thinks the month of April should be about my sister. My mum thinks because her wedding was postponed I need to be more sensitive. I think the date of my birthday has nothing to do with my sisters wedding and this is not a fair reason for my mum not to travel up. I would take COVID as a reason but not celebrating my birthday just in case it upsets my sister?

I have told my mum there are many COVID reasons that may result in her not being able to come. But I am so hurt by the reason she has chosen not to celebrate my birthday. It feels as if my sister potentially getting upset is more important than me definitely getting upse.

My parters trip may not get cancelled so I may not be alone. But I am so hurt at her reasoning for not coming to visit me. She has also suggested that my sisters hen be on my birthday weekend (the day after my birthday and the weekend she was originally going to spend celebrating my birthday with me) and that my mum may have to travel on my birthday to help my sister with wedding arrangements.

My mum has now said that I can come and visit her and she will pay for my ticket but she isn't coming to visit me in case it upsets my sister.

AIBU?

Sounds like it’s a case of the squeakiest wheel gets oiled first.

Your sister is nice when she’s happy but when stuff doesn’t go her way kicks off. So in a way bullying people to conform to what she wants as they’re worried about her behaviour and just want to keep her happy. Your mum is pandering to her by jumping to her wishes.

I think some people are being very insensitive to the OP on here.

It’s been a lonely year for a lot of people - to have a sibling prioritised for parental attention must hurt when all you want is to spend time with loved ones in a year where that privilege has been scarce.

Have you told your mum what you said in your last post op? About how lonely this year has been and this being something you've looked forward to?

I'm 40 and honestly I regret being the person who was always easier to let down. If I could go back, I'd be a little bit stroppy about things.

Your mother needs to stop pussy footing around your sister. Can thrtr be no other family celebrations in April because its the sisters wedding month. That's totally absurd.

I can't believe some of the responses on here. Your sister is getting married. It is the biggest day of her life. The month of her wedding will be crazy busy, and your mum wants to be there for her. Your mum offering you to travel to her instead, and paying for the ticket, is a lovely gesture.

One day, when your 'partner' proposes, you will understand just how busy the month of a wedding is. I think ecpecting your mum to travel yo Scotlsnd from England during the month of her other daughter's wedding is also very selfish if you. Your poor mum, she is trying to do the right thing and please everyone. Wouldn't it be nice if you said 'don't worry mum, i know how busy the month of a wedding is, I'll come to you for a couple of days and I'll treat us to a visit to a salon to get your hair dyed before the wedding',

Be generous and understanding.

@huuskymam

Your mother needs to stop pussy footing around your sister. Can thrtr be no other family celebrations in April because its the sisters wedding month. That's totally absurd.

Expecting her mum to travel 'just a short plane ride' over to see her, when there are a million things to do just before a wedding? I think the OP is entitled and selfish.

Why don't you have anyone else to celebrate your birthday with?

Personally i think it's you that is being ridiculous! You are 24 for gods sake - you realise that birthdays after 21 until you hit the next milestone of 30 don't mean an awful lot as an adult?! I think you come across as somewhat jealous of your sister monopolising the attention sorry

@ivfbeenbusy

Personally i think it's you that is being ridiculous! You are 24 for gods sake - you realise that birthdays after 21 until you hit the next milestone of 30 don't mean an awful lot as an adult?! I think you come across as somewhat jealous of your sister monopolising the attention sorry

To you they don’t mean a lot but you’re comment makes no sense. Why is 21 or 30 more important than any other birthday?! Either they are meaningless or they aren’t. I could easily say you were being ridiculous for wanting to celebrate your 21st - don’t you know you’re allowed to drink at 18?! Etc etc.

The world would be a better place if people realised that others have different priorities and try to understand and accommodate that to the extent possible for people we love. Sadly the excuse OPs mum has used simply makes it clear that her priority is OPs sister - which I imagine feels hurtful.

*your

To be fair, you have a birthday every year. Your sister can't say the same about her wedding. At least, I hope not.

Anyway, it's only November, you've plenty of time to sort out your birthday celebrations.

Plenty to be done for a wedding yes but it's not dm's wedding. Presume she has a dp to be helping out??

@Snog

Why don't you have anyone else to celebrate your birthday with?

@Snog Aren’t you delightful!

OP says her partner is away, but that’s not the point, COVID, being closest to family, just having a difficult time or choice all might mean her mum is the primary person she would celebrate with & OP is now feeling dumped - whether reasonably or not - & this is the most relevant comment you can come out with. You’re mean.

Ignore the comments about birthdays not being important. In some families birthdays are still a big thing even when people are adults. It’s very competitive on here to see who cares about their birthday the least.

Your mum is being ridiculous about the “wedding month” and it’s massively insensitive of her to offer to visit you because your partner will be away and then to basically say she’s not going to do so because your sister might be upset about it.

@Keepingthingsinteresting quit with your own unkindness. it's not mean to ask a question but it is mean to call someone mean for the asking of it.

I'm trying to gain some more insight into the situation as it seems to me that there is a lot of drama here from all parties. It is unusual not to have friends to be able to do things with and possible that the OP would be less upset if she had such friends.

@Dannydevitoiloveyourart - yes, exactly, completely hypocritical to suggest birthdays are irrelevant, except ones that happen to have a 0 at the end rather than a 1-9, oh except 18, and 21....either they're worth celebrating or they aren't!

The world would be a better place if people realised that others have different priorities and try to understand and accommodate that to the extent possible for people we love.
summed it up in a nutshell.
However so many people are incapable of putting themselves in someone else's shoes and can't comprehend something that isn't important to them is to someone else, and vice versa. Whether it's weddings, birthdays, how often you wash your towels...