Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overreacting?

108 replies

Sarahlp21 · 22/11/2020 15:59

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years we have a very nearly 3 year old. We moved into our new home at the start of lockdown and I’ve been on furlough since then. I pay the rent (£1000), council tax, the internet and the water and our daughters savings account. He covers the gas/electric and shopping. He earns triple what I do and by the time I’ve finished paying the bills I’m left with hardly any money. He has a lot of finance, an expensive car that costs £400 a month plus the insurance and tax, a motocross bike which is £170 a month. That’s the first issue I have. He does absolutely nothing to help with our daughter or the home. He will come home from work, sit on his phone, eat dinner and then go to bed. Then a lot of the weekends he goes to see his friends, or is out doing things with his car. This month he has brought new stuff for his car and then said he doesn’t have enough money to cover shopping, so I’ve had to pay the extra. He won’t help with putting our daughter to bed, bathing or feeding her. Won’t help with any of the housework, I cook, wash up 7 days a week. If I ask for his help he simply says “I don’t do that, you do that” or “you’re better at it then me” or “I’ve been at work all day and I’m knackered and you’ve been indoors dossing” “I would love your life”. He’s favourite line is “shall we...” basically meaning I have to do it. For example he said to me “shall we clean our daughter up and get her bathed and tidied up because it’s stressing me out you know how I hate mess” and when I said you do it then I’m busy, he said I don’t do that, you do that. He transferred me lower than the usual amount (£100) for the weeks shopping today and said he was going to do his car and I was to go do the weeks shopping on my own. I’ve had enough, I feel like a single Mum of two children. But he always makes me feel like I’m overreacting or being unfair, please can someone enlighten me if I am or not 😞

OP posts:
MrsMomoa · 22/11/2020 22:44

Change the locks.
If it's his home too, then he pays for half of everything!
If not, then he can fuck off!

RandomMess · 22/11/2020 23:12
Thanks
Zuzu5 · 22/11/2020 23:23

Get legal advice and see how to get out the tenancy agreement before you leave the flat. You may be able to remove him from the tenancy and stay in the flat, OR, give notice and both of you have to leave.

ArranBound · 22/11/2020 23:24

You asked to go to the garden centre to spend your own cash? Yes, you are being abused. Please, please start making plans to leave.

justilou1 · 22/11/2020 23:31

Actually, the more evidence of abuse you can get - the better at the moment, tbh... let him ramp it up. He is an arsehole. Every person deserves better than this.

Gobbycop · 23/11/2020 00:01

It's just really sad.

Sad there are such useless wanker dad's out there. You and especially your daughter don't deserve it.

Sarahlp21 · 01/12/2020 06:17

Hi just thought I would update you all. It turns out he was spending all his money on escorts. I have kicked him out with the blackmail of if he left I wouldn’t tell his Mum he has been doing that (he’s been borrowing from his mum every month to pay for it)

OP posts:
alecguinnessgenuineclass · 01/12/2020 06:23

Jesus OP. You are well rid of him. What a lowlife!

Igmum · 01/12/2020 06:35

Well done OP. Here's to a happy time with DD and you 💐💐 P.S. go to the CMS now

Peanutbutterjelly10 · 01/12/2020 06:51

Omg wow! What a complete and utter low life.
He was being financially abusive even emotionally abusive for making you feel guilty and forcing you to pay for stuff while he paid for his luxury stuff.
Honestly you will be better off without him. I'm a single parent. I lived with an abusive man, I left and honestly best thing I did!

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/12/2020 06:58

Hi OP, thanks for the update and sorry to hear what the issue was. Must be very hurtful. For what it's worth, I've been a single parent since my son was a baby and after a hard few years we are now extremely happy. You will get there, good luck

Milssofadoesntreallyfit · 01/12/2020 07:40

Yabu for having to ask, stop burying your head in the sand the blokes a prize twonk.
Stand up to him otherwise your basically allowing him to continue acting like a twonk.

Milssofadoesntreallyfit · 01/12/2020 07:40

Sorry missed the update

Thewoodfromthetrees · 01/12/2020 08:05

What a nasty piece of work, good riddance

Thewoodfromthetrees · 01/12/2020 08:07

Make sure to get child maintenance. It may be hard now but time heals all wounds and you will pick yourself back up

Thewoodfromthetrees · 01/12/2020 08:09

My friend was a single mom and she met a guy when her son was 6 months old, four years later they are now married with a 1 year old. Look forward to the future

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 01/12/2020 08:44

What a nasty pathetic piece of shit, hope you're ok OP and good luck for your future without him

IndieTara · 01/12/2020 09:17

Well done op. Your life will now be so much better

Whatthebloodyell · 01/12/2020 09:33

Well done for getting rid of him OP. You are a strong, capable woman and you’re going to do great without him.

tenlittlecygnets · 01/12/2020 13:25

You are not overreacting. You're underreacting. What a useless waste of space! Does no parenting, no housework, and tight as fuck with money. Hmm, how attractive.

I'd tell him to fuck off with his bike, apply for CRM and enjoy Christmas with your dc.

tenlittlecygnets · 01/12/2020 13:26

Just seen your update!

What a shit he is, op. Well done. Your life will be so much better without him in it.

Dragongirl10 · 01/12/2020 14:23

Op he is truly nasty and abusive, l am so shocked that you have put up with this for so long....l would have kicked his sorry ass out years ago.

Please don't give in, l am amazed you don't hate him for how he has treated you and your (and his ) daughter.

March forward into a new life.

Sarahlp21 · 01/12/2020 14:54

Thank you all for your messages, it really does help to know that all along I wasn’t overreacting. He latest payday he said he had no money to put towards any Christmas or Birthday presents (our daughter is 3 on the 23rd) and no money for shopping. He has borrowed £600 the week before. He said it was my fault for not giving him the loan. I knew something was going on at that point. I checked his Apple Watch (that I had brought him) and he has been visiting escorts at least 3 times a week, sexting other woman and god knows what else. We are surprising doing better than I expected We would without him. It’s my daughter I feel sorry for as I genuinely don’t think he cares about her

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 01/12/2020 21:30

I'm really sorry, OP. Flowers
So glad you have found out sooner rather than later.
You will get over this in time.

RandomMess · 02/12/2020 07:58

Hope you are doing ok.

Onwards and upwards!