Being called a fat bitch

[Onadifferentuniverse]

By your husband

Aibu in thinking this is absolutely not normal and not something anyone should have to tolerate?

Meanwhile, in the real world most of us are not perfect human beings and occasionally lose our tempers and say nasty things in the heat of an argument that we do not mean. Its not that our standards are low, but that yours are unrealistically high. And just because we tolerate a lost temper (only human) now and then depending on context, that doesn’t mean we think it’s ok to call each other names. It’s not ok, but it is human to make mistakes once in awhile in certain circumstances.

Personal insults are never OK to say. Heat of the moment or not. How can you call someone you love a fat bitch?

@roarfeckingroarr

I regularly call my slim and gorgeous fiancé a fat bastard because he eats everything and never puts weight on - same as me. It's said with love and taken as it's intended, as a term of endearment. This is the only sort of way it can ever be ok to say something like that to your partner. I don't understand why anyone would abuse someone they love - or accept abuse in return.

You can throw any sort of insult around - as long as it isn't true . . .

if there's a hint of truth, or if someone feels sensitive about that aspect of themselves, even unnecessarily - then it hurts.

So now he has crossed a line. The line of disrespect and once its crossed like this it is a very hard thing to come back from. In fact now that he has said the worst to you and it is just to hurt you and nothing about you but all about him. His insults will become worse and worse just to shock and hurt you. That's what they do, so get a good solicitor and leave his pathetic ass. And you laugh in his face when he cries and begs which they almost always do. Goodluck I hope you stand by yourself proud of the woman you are for not taking his shit. You will only grow as a person from this.

@SchadenfreudePersonified exactly. If he was in any way overweight or just sensitive about weight I wouldn't even joke.

I'm saddened that so many posters think throwing personal insults and swearing at your partner is ok during an argument. I never say anything personal or nasty because I'm an adult who understands that some things are never ok and can't be taken back.

Your life partner is meant to be your best friend and your biggest supporter. Not someone who uses a vile insult with the sole intention of hurting you.
Really nasty thing to do.
Was this the latest in a long line of insults?

I don’t see it as a different ballgame at all.

What, so saying e.g. 'fucking hell' during an argument is the same as saying 'you fat bitch'? Well, we'll definitely have to agree to differ on that. I can't say exactly how many abusive insults it would take to make me divorce my husband. It's hard to imagine tbh, since he would never speak to me that way.

Tbh I think most of us are assuming that a man who says to his wife "You fat bitch, go and find some food!" during an argument and thinks it's hilarious is not generally a prince amongst men. I would be truly astonished if this were a one-off.

Ah so he was trying to goad you into coming back to argue.

What keeps you there?

has he done it before does he think names are just funny

Personally, I have no tolerance for being called offensive names like that. If it happened once, out of character, I would probably let it go and make it clear that it wasn´t to happen again. If it happened twice, then I would be ending the relationship. I am easy-going about many things, but nasty name-calling is an absolute boundary of mine. I don´t think it has anything to do with demanding unrealistic perfection or not, it just has to do with your own boundaries. Some people think calling other people names in an argument is okay, I don´t think that. I have never called anyone a nasty name in an argument that I can remember.

Don’t say anything. Just casually hand him the divorce papers. See how hilarious he finds that.

This is awful and not normal. I had an ex like this who used to say I was out of his league and constantly accuse me of creating on him but then would call me names and criticize parts of my body when we argued. The fact is he wasn't attractive and had nothing going for him, he knew I wasn't going to stay with him, so he turned it round on me and made me insecure and doubt myself. It's abuse. These men often have deep insecurities. They try and bring you to their level. Don't give in to it.

Are you likely to come back op?

That’s a totally a-hole thing to say. I assume it was said in the midst of a fight, post-fight has he apologised?
My dh has called me all sorts of names in fights ( he has the emotional maturity of a toddler) and it hurts and I hate it because it’s just so disrespectful. He always says sorry later and realises he shouldn’t have though., abd I know he’s got issues, so we try abd work through it..

Incredibly disrespectful. Sounds like he has a lot of contempt towards you and all because you walked away instead of arguing?

I’d keep walking if you were you and not look back.

What a prick.

Hope he's soon an ex

As previous post said they quickly become ex. Once I questioned it but 2nd time one month later he became ex. I realise I allowed myself to lower my expectations over the years. Stupid thing is that as my sense of self eroded over the years and often my feelings around this meant that I wasn’t the best version of myself.

Glad to be out of it now and moving forward being a better mum. I now realise I put up with too much for too long.

Ps. We had argued for a while but the insult along with name calling linked to my disability is something my kids have told me they cried about and took to heart. The misogynistic views have become more apparent since we’ve divorced. What bloke decides that a women’s right to a voice and asking to be treated fairly is some way related to what her husbands occupation is and his wealth. Apparently doesn’t need the money so shouldn’t complain 🤦🏾‍♀️

In response to people saying you need to say something nasty back - no. It's not a game.

You need someone who thinks you're wonderful; gorgeous and sexy.

Shouting horrible stuff back at him won't make this a healthy, equitable relationship. Nobody, absolutely nobody, deserves this, @OP

I would fuck him up!!!

I take it he's hardly a Men's Health cover model himself?

Men who speak to women like that always look like shit themselves.

Dick head.

@Nothingwillcomeofnothing I’m here, I appreciate all the comments.

I’m just cross I guess. He has apologised profusely but even that’s not good enough to me atm.

That would kill my feelings for my DH stone cold dead in an instant and it would be a dealbreaker. You don’t talk to the people you love like that. I wouldn’t stay with an abusive twat.

In a nasty way that’s disgusting.

However we sure regularly call each other fat f*ck and other variations of this and neither of us mean or take offence- because we are fattys and we know and accept it. If it was said in a mood/argument I’d probably never speak to him again

He clearly has no respect for you. I hope you don't have children with him because that's an awful example to set them.