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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not invite my DDs friends.

662 replies

Julz1622 · 21/11/2020 11:29

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

OP posts:
1950s1 · 21/11/2020 14:11

Whilst I can appreciate that the other children may feel left out I think health and safety comes before this. And if you think your children wouldn't like lots of kids crowded in, I wouldn't invite them for that reason alone. I'm going with the assumption that you know your daughters better than other mumsneters. I wouldn't disregard a 10 months old feelings just because they're 10 months. I think in this situation I would explain to this person that you don't think it's a good idea, without lying, I don't see a need for it.

PhoebeSnow · 21/11/2020 14:15

I bet you wish you hadn’t said anything now. Could you change the venue at all?

Wanderdust · 21/11/2020 14:16

@Julz1622

Just so we're clear, I'm not talking about going full undercover mission and not letting anyone see them apart from my kids,. I just don't want any of them coming over to mine or congregating outside my door lol
This, exactly! I'd never just assume it's OK, how mortifying. And especially with social distancing etc, the people dressing up won't want to be swamped by half the close.
Quaagars · 21/11/2020 14:22

I've voted YANBU, but on reading the thread and thinking about it, I'm now torn!
I love Santa and massive kid myself when it comes to Christmas, and as much as I think this is a great thing to do for your kids, it's just asking for trouble if it's out on the street!
You paid 50 quid for it, so not seeing why everyone else should get it for free.
HOWEVER, if kids turn up (and who can exactly stop them, if it's in public, ie on your doorstep?!) - you see Santa, and Elsa and Anna (strange combination but that's a whole different thread lol) then you run up to see what's going on.
Then they say hello to your kids, give them sweets, and nobody else?
Kids won't understand Santa's only come to see the kids who's parents have paid them money to do so, they'll just see Santa's outside!
Well intentioned I'm sure but sounds like a mess waiting to happen

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 21/11/2020 14:26

I would feel the same tbh. I'm generous as much as possible. Paid for our family to go Santa train last year and then as we booked a full carriage to guarantee we'd be sat together. We had extra spaces so invited brother and his family. I didn't charge them.

In this case if the other parents mention it tell them you'll send them a link so they can book a visit too. What are they going to say to that? Don't worry, I'll send DD over to leach off your visit? It is cheeky as fuck especially as it's "send DD round". Free childcare??

Did the company ask how many children you have so they can prepare how many sweet bags they require. If so it wouldn't be fair if they think 2 children and a dozen suddenly turn up.

CoronaBollox · 21/11/2020 14:28

I would allow it and my DD would like it even better if her friends were there. But as you dont want to and that's your choice, if you're not willing to say "no sorry I paid for it just for my children" then I would tell them you pay a set price for the amount of children and if anyone wants to join, then it will cost more bla bla.

Quaagars · 21/11/2020 14:32

There's always one, lol

Who the f are Anna and Elsa?*
Even I know who they are Grin Frozen characters. Frozen being a child's film.

Your daughter is eight for goodness sakes, not three - how embarrassing will this entire shindig be for her

Since when are you not allowed to still believe in Santa when you're 8?!
lots of adults still do
bow down to your superior intelligence and preferences though, so much more interesting and "cleverer" than everyone elses.

PinkOrchids7 · 21/11/2020 14:33

@flaviaritt

Definitely rude of them not to ask BUT the idea of Father Christmas turning up on the street (especially after such a bloody miserable year) and the kids pressing their little faces to the glass and not being able to go out and see him because you only want your children to have the experience...

Well, it’s all a bit Scrooge, isn’t it?

The OP isn’t the one who is tight. This other cheeky parent is. If the other parents want a visit for their children then they’re welcome to pay £50.
Butchyrestingface · 21/11/2020 14:34

There's always one, lol

Who the f are Anna and Elsa?
Even I know who they are grin Frozen characters. Frozen being a child's film.

There was more than one. It's disturbing.

slashlover · 21/11/2020 14:34

So how does the OP get to decide she and her family have sole access to this shared enclosed space- that's the bit I still don't get? What if each of the families whose door opens onto this space then decides to get entertainers in?

OP will be inside her house, the entertainers in the enclosed space. It could be that if the neighbours also happened to book entertainers at exactly the same time and for the same duration then the entertainers could socially distance enough not to be a problem. If masses of kids show up also in the enclosed space then it wouldn't be safe.

callmeadoctor · 21/11/2020 14:37

Probably missing the point, but seems a ridiculous waste of money in any event! (sorry)

PinkOrchids7 · 21/11/2020 14:37

@Julz1622 I’d change the venue now. Can you all gather in the garden of a family member’s house?

MadameButterface · 21/11/2020 14:38

@Goldenbear

I think it is ill thought out and ostentatious particularly if you resent other children noticing.
Quite. In fact, you could say that appropriating the communal area for an experience for your dc alone is ‘grabby and entitled’. To use some of the logic on this thread op, if you want a private socially distanced experience, you should buy yourself a detached house with a garden.
Elfontheshelfjudgesyou · 21/11/2020 14:40

I'm shocked that at least two people in the world don't know who Anna and Elsa are, I haven't even got kids and I know who they are, they're so famous they're basically chilly Kardashians!

pollylocketpickedapocket · 21/11/2020 14:40

@Washimal

I doubt they would be willing to come if they knew they'd be expected to be mixing with kids from multiple households. I'm surprised they're willing to come into the flat at all to be honest.
Jesus you do understand people need to earn a living!! Of course they’ll come in!
VetiverAndLavender · 21/11/2020 14:42

You've paid for your own children to have this experience, and if there are many others dropping in your children won't spend as much time with the actors. If the others want the same for their own children, maybe they can split the price and have the actors visit them another time.

It's not selfish to expect to get what you've paid for. Very rude of the other mothers to just assume they're invited! You should tell the original mother that it's not possible for reasons of Covid and because you're paying for your own two kids to have this experience, not every child in the neighbourhood.

VetiverAndLavender · 21/11/2020 14:45

...But yes, if you have the meeting in a communal area, don't be surprised if people view it as a communal event... (Missed that before. Blush)

jessstan1 · 21/11/2020 14:45

@Elfontheshelfjudgesyou

I'm shocked that at least two people in the world don't know who Anna and Elsa are, I haven't even got kids and I know who they are, they're so famous they're basically chilly Kardashians!
I do know they are fictional characters, as is Santa.
Bananaramapyjamas · 21/11/2020 14:47

@oakleaffy

All too often with these things {Reindeer in public places} Santa is trying to control reindeer and looks far too 'Human' and hung over. He disappoints children by not being genuine..They can see a dressed up man at a hundred paces.

Re gifts and sweeties... Little kids don't understand that their parents have paid, and gifts aren't for all.

Reminds me of a Victorian tragedy where ''Gifts'' were promised to attending children {Victoria Hall Disaster}..The children had paid their Penny entry fee, but saw gifts being given only to those nearest the stage.
A rush ensued, and 183 children lost their lives.

Never underestimate a child's sense of justice and disappointment.

It is probably best if no gifts are given.

I don’t know how but I didn’t know about Victoria Hall. I just googled and wish I hadn’t 😢 I can’t get it out of my head. So, so awful.
jessstan1 · 21/11/2020 14:48

@96315id

jessstan1

You don't know much about little girls. They would sell their parents to see Elsa and Anna under any circumstances.

At the cinema or on video. They are not real people!
bengalcat · 21/11/2020 14:49

Presumably with Covid there is a limit on the number of attendees ?

Quaagars · 21/11/2020 14:51

Another one who's just googled about the Victorian Hall disaster
Sad
awful, didn't know that

coconuttyhead · 21/11/2020 14:54

I don’t see how you’re being unreasonable at all! We’re in weird times at the moment where general social distancing will still be in place. You have arranged a special treat for your daughters and want the experience to be as nice as possible for them considering the circumstances. I don’t see how it would be possible for children to congregate or for parents to let their kids come over at the moment - if they did, I’m can’t imagine the performers accepting this, the company would have their own covid policies and procedures.

Quaagars · 21/11/2020 14:55

At the cinema or on video. They are not real people!

Hmm Grin
PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 21/11/2020 14:59

Why wouldn't a non-Scot know what a 'close' is? "Brookside", a charming soap for all the family, charting the lives and loves of the residents of Brookside, er, Close, ran for about twenty interminable years and I'm pretty sure it was set in Liverpool.

I suppose it was a bit naive of you to mention it, OP, as it's the sort of thing that would very obviously appeal to her daughters, too, and you might have guessed her ears would prick up - but she's also a bit of a CF. I'd never assume my kids could attend, as she has done.

There are things I think it'd be tight for other children to be excluded from, and cases where it's entirely reasonable. Some things mentioned by PP are very definitely in the former category - if parents get Santa to come to a bloody pub, ffs, and don't have exclusive use, they should damn well let other kids come and see him, too. Or things in parks. Before Covid, if I stuck a quid in one of those shopping centre rides for my children, and there were other kids watching, I'd always tell their mums they could get in too. I think it's weird not to. I also remember being in a park in a poor part of town, and a mum very ostentatiously got her kids ride-on Lamborghinis and remote controlled planes, etc, out of her car and spent the next thirty minutes constantly shouting at all the breadline kids that they weren't to touch or ask for a go. I hope she got the clap. But I don't think it's necessarily tight to keep these particular kids away. I just think you'll have a hell of a job. Even if you hadn't mentioned it, there was always a chance kids would see them approaching (especially if you live in a block of flats) and be drawn to your place.

I also don't think eight is manifestly too old for 'Frozen' 🙄