To not invite my DDs friends.

[Julz1622]

I have booked a socially distanced visit from Santa and Anna and Elsa on Christmas Eve for my daughter (8) and the baby (10 months) I live in a block of flats, and I was telling one of the mum's of one of daughter's friends about it. She said oh let me know what time they are coming and I'll send 'name' across. She has also told a few of the other mums on the block. Now I know some people will think I am being selfish, but I've paid £50 for them to come visit my daughter, I don't want all the kids congregating and ruining it for my daughters.

@flaviaritt

And YOU chose to use the word "should" be you are arguing it isn't the same thing as "obliged" 😂

It is not the same thing as actually obliged. It is just my opinion that she is morally obliged. So people stating she isn’t as some sort of justification aren’t really making an argument.

She isn't obliged. There's no "should". You are wrong

@LolaSmiles - she's done the same thing throughout - called the neighbour cheeky but then called OP a tighter than a duck's arse Scrooge because OP called the neighbour cheeky. The doubling down, then back-pedalling, then twisting what she said to try to mean something else whilst trying to prove what a wonderfully hashtag kind person she is has been rather entertaining
It really is quite amusing.

I'm not saying the OP should pay for everyone or cancel it, but this treat should be cancelled or she should let everyone join

And I'm under no illusions you're going to come back saying 'but this treat is different because it just is'

I have explained exactly why I think it is different.

And you are doing exactly what I said: using “obligated” in a way that I entirely accept (she does not have to) to argue against what I am saying (I believe she should, even if she doesn’t have to). It’s disingenuous.

@Julz1622

How exactly am I CAUSING other people's kids to miss out. Their parents are more than welcome to book the experience for them.

You're not.

One lunatic does not the truth make.

I don't suppose either are 'cheeky' or 'scrooge-like' but just ordinary people, one of whom has decided to slip someone £50 to organise a bit of a show for her children (the youngest of which is only ten months so won't be that involved), soon over. Who knows, they might not even turn up ! The reindeer could be ill or a wheel fall off the sleigh - or do they have a pick up truck?

Tack -y or what.

I don't think you should have said anything op, it sounds like you were bragging

It really doesn't. She only brought it up after pushy mum talked about her DB getting Santa and Spiderman for his DS. It's just normal conversation 'Oh I'm doing that for [xxx] and [xxx] but we're having Santa with Elsa and Anna'.

I wonder if pushy mum is going to land on her DB so that her DCs can see Santa?

She isn't obliged. There's no "should". You are wrong

You are just skating over what I said. Perhaps you don’t get it? I don’t know.

You can’t see ... that a child will absolutely not understand that this is a paid-for experience, rather than magic?

Personally I get it completely - which is why it's up to the parents not to shove their DC into a situation where both they and OP's DC could be disappointed

It's also true that kids have missed so much this year, but at least round here the schools are making quite sure that Santa visits. They can't have the usual parties, but Santa will visit each classroom with toys, and someone's even rigged up a sound system with "reindeer noises" so they can hear him approaching!!

@flaviaritt

She isn't obliged. There's no "should". You are wrong

You are just skating over what I said. Perhaps you don’t get it? I don’t know.

She gets it. We all get it. You're wrong.

Personally I get it completely - which is why it's up to the parents not to shove their DC into a situation where both they and OP's DC could be disappointed

And I would, as I have said. But it might be easier said than done, and frankly, if Father Christmas came down my street with Bella ringing on Christmas Eve, and my DD saw it and said “Can we go out and see him?” I’d say yes. If I knew it was a private hire and my neighbour wanted to keep the experience for her and children I would say no, but I would be incredibly irritated at my neighbour for putting me in that position on Christmas Eve. No more neighbourliness for her.

She gets it. We all get it. You're wrong.

That’s not an argument.

One lunatic does not the truth make
Totally agree.

This thread has me thinking. Should we close all santa grottos in shopping centres and garden centres? After all, it would be utterly disastrous for some children to see santa there and not others who have to walk on by because their parents don't pay to go.

Some groups in my area do charity sleigh parades with santa. Should we cancel them because they can't go round every street in town and that ruins the magic and there will be hundreds of children wondering why santa didn't come to their street.

Definitely stop santa going to nursery and primary school christmas parties and Xmas fayres. Not all the children will be there.

No christmas event involving santa or any characters should take place anywhere unless it can be absoluty guaranteed that everyone wanting their DC to attend can do so free of charge. If that can't be done then there is a moral obligation to cancel all those events otherwise Christmas magic will be ruined.

If I knew it was a private hire and my neighbour wanted to keep the experience for her and children I would say no, but I would be incredibly irritated at my neighbour for putting me in that position on Christmas Eve. No more neighbourliness for her.

Ah, so you're one of these people who makes it about you. Why should neighbours, or anyone for that matter, centre you in their decisions?

And you sound REALLY spiteful, you'd actually let something like that stop you from being a good neighbour? How utterly pathetic. The irony is you think you're a lovely person because "i WoUlDNt dO tHiS tO dA KiDZ"

This thread has me thinking. Should we close all santa grottos in shopping centres and garden centres? After all, it would be utterly disastrous for some children to see santa there and not others who have to walk on by because their parents don't pay to go.

There is a reason why the grotto is usually covered up. It’s private, and it’s easier for parents to fudge the issue. It’s also not £50. It’s also easily avoided if you can’t afford it.

And you sound REALLY spiteful, you'd actually let something like that stop you from being a good neighbour? How utterly pathetic.

Yeah, I’m an absolute bitch. I want kids to feel included on Christmas Eve and I think it’s mean to have Father Christmas visit one family in a block and then leave. I’m awful.

Some groups in my area do charity sleigh parades with santa. Should we cancel them because they can't go round every street in town and that ruins the magic and there will be hundreds of children wondering why santa didn't come to their street.

Our local rotary club does this and they don't come down our street as we are in a rural village they only go to urban areas. We were driving home one day and the kids saw it going down someone else's street. I really should have got out the car, held my palm up and said "Stop being such a Scrooge not everyone can enjoy this moment".

I know flavia will come on and say "that's not the same" - but it really is, it's saying if all the community can't enjoy a moment with Santa (because, magical, etc) no one should.

@flaviaritt

And you sound REALLY spiteful, you'd actually let something like that stop you from being a good neighbour? How utterly pathetic.

Yeah, I’m an absolute bitch. I want kids to feel included on Christmas Eve and I think it’s mean to have Father Christmas visit one family in a block and then leave. I’m awful.

You would shun a neighbour for having a private Santa experience and not include you. Sounds like a bitch move to me.

There is a reason why the grotto is usually covered up. It’s private, and it’s easier for parents to fudge the issue. It’s also not £50. It’s also easily avoided if you can’t afford it.

Isn't this situation easily avoided too though? Am I right in thinking the OPs friend lives in a neighbouring flat? Surely she can make sure she keeps her kid inside and distracted for the allocated 20 minutes or whatever when the Santa/Frozen visit is happening?

@flaviaritt

This thread has me thinking. Should we close all santa grottos in shopping centres and garden centres? After all, it would be utterly disastrous for some children to see santa there and not others who have to walk on by because their parents don't pay to go.

There is a reason why the grotto is usually covered up. It’s private, and it’s easier for parents to fudge the issue. It’s also not £50. It’s also easily avoided if you can’t afford it.

It's covered so people can have privacy with Santa not so parents can have an excuse not to use it. That would be a terrible marketing tactic, hiding something away in the hope people won't use the service 🤣🤣🤣

Also where I used to live there is a farm park that charges near enough £50 for a "Santa experience"

You would shun a neighbour for having a private Santa experience and not include you. Sounds like a bitch move to me.

I would treat that neighbour as she treated my kids. With indifference.

@flaviaritt - I really think it's you who doesn't get it to be honest. You're beginning to make even less sense than before. Your arguments, which didn't stand up to much in the first place, are getting weaker and weaker. The OP asked if she was unreasonable for thinking her neighbour was cheeky for assuming she could send her daughter round to share the experience. You agreed that yes, she was cheeky and no, you wouldn't do it, yet OP is every shade of tight for not allowing every child in the block to share the experience as you yourself would have invited everyone along (only considering that this would be extremely rude to the characters to do so after you said this and then claimed you'd happily pay for all the kids in the block of flats to do it, without expecting any money), insisted that no sweets were given to the children for whom the event was organised for by the characters, or actually just cancelled the whole thing. I asked you before but you didn't respond, would you share your child's driving lessons if a neighbour found out they were having them and said they'd send their child out to the car to share it? Would you cancel your child's birthday party if every child who lives in half a mile radius couldn't come?
Honestly, you are contradicting yourself so much it's becoming a little bit embarrassing.

It's covered so people can have privacy with Santa not so parents can have an excuse not to use it.

That’s shortsighted. If parents had to pass Father Christmas with other children on his knee they would feel pressured to buy the experience and they would avoid the venue.

@flaviaritt

You would shun a neighbour for having a private Santa experience and not include you. Sounds like a bitch move to me.

I would treat that neighbour as she treated my kids. With indifference.

Then she'd probably be counting her lucky stars TBH, you sound exceptionally self centered. Who else do you expect to centre you in their lives?

The OP asked if she was unreasonable for thinking her neighbour was cheeky for assuming she could send her daughter round to share the experience.

And yet. No. She didn’t. She asked whether she was unreasonable not to invite her DD’s friends.