If you’ve ghosted a friend why did you do it?

[friedshrimp]

Just that really. Recently ghosted by a friend with no explanation - there were no issues, everything was fine and we chatted almost everyday. Why does it happen?

I couldn't say no to her - or rather I could, but she wouldn't hear it.

For many years I didn't need to say no to her, but over time she started to encroach more and more into my personal space. I couldn't have a quiet night in on my own if she wanted to see me. She started wearing the same clothes as me and trying to copy my hobbies even though she was obviously not enjoying them much. There were lots of little things that just added up and one day I needed to say no to her, so I did. She hit the roof. I pointed out that she had hit the roof and spelt out the fact that my being unable to say no to her was a major problem.

After that things accelerated quite fast, with her trying 100 different ways to make me change my answer to yes after I had already clearly told her no AND told her that not taking no for an answer was a problem. Eventually I had had enough and stopped contacting her. She contacted me a year later with a friendly message inviting me to go round to hang out with her and her boyfriend (who I had been friends with for several years before she came along) and I noticed that I felt suddenly quite anxious and wanted nothing less than to go round and hang out with her.

Basically she was bloody hard work and eroded my tolerance until I had nothing left. Plus there are a lot of people in my life who I like more than her.

Ghosting is equal to an emotional abuse. The other person may have no clue why you are doing it. You may have good reasons to not to talk to that person any ore but you may be also wrong to do it. Some people ghost because they heard something without checking if it was true or not

Oh come off it.

Abuse implies someone has been mistreated. Is it “mistreating” someone to withhold your friendship? Surely it is yours to give not theirs to take?

I've ghosted narcissists and conspiracy twats. I even hung on for a long time after I should have done. But in the end you have to protect yourself. If you ever read this, S, you went severely out of line the night you said that 'they' lied about Auschwitz. You stupid fucking bitch.

Ghosting is equal to an emotional abuse. The other person may have no clue why you are doing it. You may have good reasons to not to talk to that person any ore but you may be also wrong to do it. Some people ghost because they heard something without checking if it was true or not

It really isn’t.

What a previous poster said about being an unpaid therapist, and then some. Time after time of long phone calls or meet ups where I was talked at, followed by some passive put downs, and finished off by actual declarations of "boring!" when I spoke.

I’m not especially proud but I have lost contact and reduced contact with people that remind me of very painful times I’ve had
I realised during 2020 that if we met or socialised it would be painful and remind me
I’ve definitely got closer to a smaller group of old friends however

Covid has given me an excuse to be fair

I really don’t think I need loads of friends , and a wide social circle anymore

My teenage best friend, because she prioritised pulling men over anything else and didn't want to talk about anything else. When she showed interest in my new BF who is now my DH despite having laughed at him to me, I knew I didn't want to be friends anymore. I tried to explain but she didn't believe me and said there must be more to it. So I stopped contacting her, this was in my late twenties.
I missed her terribly but she has never changed apparently. It was the right decision.

I think due to children trauma/upbringing/issues that some really struggle with attachment and some are very needy types that want more than they can give. If you are not useful they go.

Or, people grow up and different things are important/different views/extreme etc. Someone I knew fairly well became a 'anti-vaxer' dipstick type...constant posts about 'doing your research' (looking at stupid YouTube videos from extreme dipsticks) etc... I definitely distance myself then

@PurpleTrilby

I've ghosted narcissists and conspiracy twats. I even hung on for a long time after I should have done. But in the end you have to protect yourself. If you ever read this, S, you went severely out of line the night you said that 'they' lied about Auschwitz. You stupid fucking bitch.

Wow - I think most people would dump someone as stupid and insensitive as that

I am not sure why but there appears to be a growth of conspiracy theory nutcases (they call the rest of us sheeples ..... they really don't realise how dumb/ignorant they sound

Life's too short for those types - they seem to have grown into a large minority now

I have done it once. I thought we were really good friends but when any other friends were around I was dumped. If we met other than a planned meeting I was just ignored, yet she was still messaging as if nothing was wrong. In the end I had had enough, she clearly had bigger and better fish to fry so I have left her to it.