To wake DH up on days off?

[Pumpertrumper]

So just a mild AIBU, not angry or anything but interested in opinions.

I have an 8 month old and have got into the habit of early nights and early mornings with him. Works well.

DH works FT but has this week off. Whenever he has time off, whether annual leave or just a regular day off, he chooses to stay up late on an evening (enjoying time on his own) and then sleep in on a morning.

My issue is that he then gets stuck in this body clock, meaning he gets all morning to himself asleep every day because he ‘can’t get to sleep on a night’ then after he returns to work he complains how he ‘can’t sleep’ and is ‘so exhausted’..etc for days.

I think he should be sensible and stay somewhat in his regular work routine, come to bed early with us and get up early with us. I mean I do this every day. I don’t ‘sleep in’ ever really and don’t feel I need it because I go to bed at a reasonable time.

I’ve not said anything as I don’t really mind but I do end up feeling quite eye rolly when he’s looking for ‘I couldn’t get to sleep last night’ sympathy.

AIBU?

So in a way, I think you're both living like single people. You like a single mum, him like a single man who 'babysits' occasionally to give you some free time.

You're both suiting yourself, in terms of sleep patterns. Neither of you is thinking of the other.

I'd add that, as a night owl, one of the reasons I love to stay up after others have gone to bed is, to get some 'myself' time; to watch or read something that connects me to myself and reminds me who I am.

The thing is, that I can get that from interactions with other adults too and two-way interactions are much richer, more satisfying sources.

So for me, the risk is that if I stay up to watch something, or chat on Mumsnet, I end of staying up too late, because TV and anonymous chit chat is a thin source of the 'reminder of myself' I'm seeking, so I substitute quality for quantity and carry on for too long.

Whereas spending an hour or two with a person, chatting, or even watching TV together, is enough. Especially so if it's a partner and we then go to bed at the same time.

Seems like a very boring life.

Down with the baby and up with the baby.

Never any time away from the baby. No adult time with husband, nothing.

2 issues here I think.

1. He lets you pull extra weight re: chores, and it seems that you've set a precedence by being proactive with weekend chores, and he has passively let you do it.

1. He gets down time and you don't.

I suggest you negotiate some time for yourself. A Saturday afternoon perhaps? Even if it is to nap, binge watch, chat to a friend or meet someone for a walk. Also just tell him to do things 'if I feed baby, you can do the laundry etc.' Or get a cleaner.

My husband works hard all week, I work hard all week with part time work, all extra curricular, all cooking and housework. I give my self Fridays to myself for 'me time'. My husband does what he likes Saturday mornings and sometimes joins for lunch, sometimes doesn't. We are so much nicer to each other for it.

Your baby sleeps really well from the sound of it, so it's not like you are getting to bed early so you can deal with multiple wake ups, more you just really like your sleep. Getting the amount you do, means IMO, that getting extra rest is how you choose to spend your leisure time. Of course he'll have more leisure time than you, because you sleep all evening and he doesn't.

If you are going to bed as soon as baby is alseep, I'm guessing you aren't cleaning up after dinner either - are the trays you mention the ones from your dinner? Because maybe he finds it as annoying to have them hanging around all evening whilst you sleep, as you do in the morning whilst he sleeps?

I do think he needs to either take some of the early mornings so they are shared, or if you'd prefer, play to your strengths and he does extra chores in the evening. You shouldn't be doing it all, but equally he shouldn't have to go to bed stupidly early just because it suits your body clock.