Not allowed a climbing frame

[TPtoys]

I need some level headedness responses please. Who is BU?

I want a climbing frame in the garden - on the grass for DS1yo. Yes he cannot fully use it properly yet but it is a good price and I would like it for the spring when he will love it (he enjoys the park).

DP is garden proud to the extreme. He thinks it will ruin the grass from DS playing and walking on the grass near the frame. DS will run around the garden regardless in the future but I understand the point. However the climbing frame could be moved along the grass.

We own the house 50/50. So should I give up and respect his decision or do I stand my ground too. I suspect there is no right or wrong on this one but I would like to know if I'm unreasonable to push for this.

What about cutting out an area around the frame and filling with bark chips so it looks neater?

We've had a trampoline for 4 years, it does wreck the grass to a certain degree but mainly because we don't move it around enough. However kids playing football have wrecked it more 🤷‍♀️
Your DH will need to accept that he can't have a pristine lawn and small children, as others have said there's plenty of time for that when they're older!

I think a climbing frame is a great idea and your DH should suck it up, but with the summer we had this year, one thing to think about is how you can get shade into your garden.

We have a tiny garden so not really any room for a climbing frame, but DS 2.5 spent the whole summer out there in the small paddling pool, sandpit, pushing cars down the toddler slide and helping me cut our miniscule lawn. It was so useful having a giant sun shade that could cover practically the whole garden so I didn't have to make him come in after an hour or so.

God that winds me up. It's not just his garden. Even if ds can't use the frame now he will want to use toys in the future!
Once my DH moaned that our garden looked like a kids play park-well, yes. That's what you get for having kids who I would rather spend time outside rather than stuck indoors

Tell your husband to get over himself

How is he going to cope when instead of a climbing frame its playing football or cricket or basketball? He needs to get over the precious gardener thing. Unless you have a VERY large garden its pretty much incompatible with active kids.

Is he this precious about other things?
Will he go mad if toddler draws on walls or celebrate artistic endeavour?

He is a toddler that is what gardens are for! My DS wrecked my grass with a football and a goal but he had hours of enjoyment from it. Your DH can have his perfect grass when DS is older just let him play and enjoy himself! Much better for him to be active and outside than sitting in as he is not allowed to play in the garden.

Well, as there are three of you in the house you should have a vote! Personally I would vote for getting the climbing frame and ditching the partner.

I'd be terribly tempted to splash weedkiller around.

Looking at it from a different point of view, who does all the work looking after the garden?

If he does then maybe he has the most of a say in it.

What about if he decided to keep his bike in the house and not the shed, would that be OK if it's 50/50 ?

Not that I necessarily think those things but something to think about.

(He is being unreasonable in my opinion)

@TPtoys

I always think of those arguments that if one wants a baby and the other doesn't you don't do it - obviously this is a climbing frame not a baby but I didn't want to just plough on if I was being unreasonable.

But if the two of you already HAVE a baby, then you sacrifice to make that baby's life wonderful. DH sacrifices his grass and you sacrifice your time. And if DH doesn't get with the program then DH will have to be sacrificed! LET THAT BABY CLIMB!!!!

Please concrete it in. One fell on me aged 4, and smashed my collarbone, arm and pelvis. I'm still a bit skew-whiff now at 30

@sophandbridge

Looking at it from a different point of view, who does all the work looking after the garden?

If he does then maybe he has the most of a say in it.

What about if he decided to keep his bike in the house and not the shed, would that be OK if it's 50/50 ?

Not that I necessarily think those things but something to think about.

(He is being unreasonable in my opinion)

And from another point of view who does the childcare and will be trying to keep a small child amused day in day out with an attractive but out of bounds garden out the back.

Yanbu. A house is to be lived in. Grass will grow back. Just get it. Very selfish of him

And from another point of view who does the childcare and will be trying to keep a small child amused day in day out with an attractive but out of bounds garden out the back.

And from another, that of a hypothetical woman married to a man who doesn't get off his arse and take said small child to the park every day so he doesn't need a climbing frame in the garden

Ah my friends! Thank you all. An update - we've had another chat about it. We've come to a compromise. It will be purchased and secured on the paving area we currently have for DPs plant plotting etc and then in summer it can move onto the grass! Hurrah.

As for the shade I'm looking at something similar to what the Australian play parks have, a giant sun sail thing.

And yes I am "that" woman who does the majority of the child rearing and he does the majority all of the garden, but that is literally his job. All the garden stuff goes to work with him so I can't never want to do it!

If it is going on slabs you may want to think about soft outdoor tiles to put under it

A climbing frame on concrete sounds like a recipe for accidents!!

Sorry I should have added that I'm going to buy the soft mat stuff that play parks have. He probably will only use the swing until spring any way.

I have some sympathy, as I used to say I didn't want plastic toys in the garden because they looked cheap. Then I got in touch with reality and my garden in the summer looks like a plastic fairground

Bleach the word TWAT into the grass one night, act outraged when he spots it and claim you've heard about this happening on the local WhatsApp group, then suggest the climbing frame to cover it up.

You need to make sure he does child resring too.
Leave child with him for the day
He might appreciate using the garden to play

I’ve been working on my lawn for years, I just dug for big holes and filled them with concrete as kids are getting big and making the swing rock dangerously. It will be a hell of a job to pull them out but one day I’ll get it back. There will be a trampoline in a couple of years too if they want one. Forget ownership it’s our kids home and I want them to love it and want to come back when they’re adults (not for the swings but because it’s their happy place). Good lawns are shit for nature too...

Good result OP. Sounds like you've found a good compromise.

Well done OP. I do like a happy MN ending