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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not allowed a climbing frame

125 replies

TPtoys · 20/11/2020 13:07

I need some level headedness responses please. Who is BU?

I want a climbing frame in the garden - on the grass for DS1yo. Yes he cannot fully use it properly yet but it is a good price and I would like it for the spring when he will love it (he enjoys the park).

DP is garden proud to the extreme. He thinks it will ruin the grass from DS playing and walking on the grass near the frame. DS will run around the garden regardless in the future but I understand the point. However the climbing frame could be moved along the grass.

We own the house 50/50. So should I give up and respect his decision or do I stand my ground too. I suspect there is no right or wrong on this one but I would like to know if I'm unreasonable to push for this.

OP posts:
Hugosmugo · 20/11/2020 13:10

My dad never let me have a trampoline growing up for the same reason. In my opinion, grass will grow back and children are only little for a short time so it is a shame to not get fun things for the garden because of grass.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 20/11/2020 13:12

Your partner is being a selfish prick.

Bluntness100 · 20/11/2020 13:12

Personally I think it’s a bit young at twelve to eighteen months, ours had to be concreted in for stability, I guess unless you’re buying a very heavy expensive one that can’t topple over?

Porcupineinwaiting · 20/11/2020 13:13

Dh had ideas like this, we discussed it at length, reached stalemate, then I just ordered the trampoline. The garden is for everyone to enjoy.

BiblioX · 20/11/2020 13:13

I’m a keen gardener but would far rather have the children having the enjoyment of a climbing frame than an empty lawn...they are with you for what is actually a very short time, plenty of time for pristine lawns once they are older.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 20/11/2020 13:14

We've had all sorts of large garden toys. The grass has never been wrecked. The only time it came near was a large paddling pool, and within a month you couldn't tell where. The moles do more damage...

HotSince63 · 20/11/2020 13:14

Your DP needs to unclench a little (or a lot).

Fucking hell, what a miserable man - I can't imagine not allowing a child to play on the grass in their own garden because they might ruin it.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 20/11/2020 13:15

Your DP is being a twat!! Did he not want children?

Watch what you buy though because they can go up much better than they can (safely) come down and you really don't want to have to shadow him in the garden every minute next summer!! Something he can climb on, but only 2-3 ft high,with a baby slide - great. Something higher...but if a nightmare.

But Captain Precious needs to stop being a twat. He has a child now, he needs to learn to share!!

Grimbot · 20/11/2020 13:16

I got a climbing frame for my sons (1 and 3) at the start of lockdown and it has been amazing. Especially when the playgrounds were shut and when we had to self isolate after contact with a positive case at preschool. The grass around it is fine, the grass underneath is probably squashed but I’m sure it would grow back fine if we removed the climbing frame. I think your DH is being a bit of a fun sponge. What is more important, your son having fun with it for years to come or a bit of grass?

Kacee29 · 20/11/2020 13:16

Oh was a bit like this when we met (I already had DS). He didn’t want toys in his garden when we moved in together. He soon changed his mind when he realised toys occupy the children. Now we see the proud owner of a trampoline l, swings, slides etc (thankfully our garden is huge). 🤣

ineedaholidaynow · 20/11/2020 13:17

Will he refuse to have any garden toys just in case they ruin the grass

ParadiseLaundry · 20/11/2020 13:18

When he starts kicking a ball around the lawn will be ruined anyway, or will he not allow him to ever play on the lawn?Kids are the death of lawns not climbing frames!

As you say, at least you can move the climbing frame around to limit damage.

Soubriquet · 20/11/2020 13:19

Grass will grow back

Children’s memories will not

Original poster
TPtoys · 20/11/2020 13:20

It is a toddler one with a swing, mini slide and sand pit table. It's quite wide and not tall so I can't imagine it would need to be concreted in, but I will check as I didn't think of this.

I can't help but think grass and garden is for everyone to enjoy. He will be 18 months in May and I'd love to enjoy the garden more with him. I work long hours and sometimes after nights I don't want to go out but will happily sit in the garden with him and play. Also gardens are gold after this year! I'll speak with him again.

OP posts:
TeapotCollection · 20/11/2020 13:20

Miserable twat! The grass will surely get walked on, climbing frame or not

Mariebarrone · 20/11/2020 13:21

This is so sad. A garden is for children to play in and enjoy. Your dp is a miserable sod!

Original poster
TPtoys · 20/11/2020 13:23

I always think of those arguments that if one wants a baby and the other doesn't you don't do it - obviously this is a climbing frame not a baby but I didn't want to just plough on if I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
HotSince63 · 20/11/2020 13:23

If it's the type I'm thinking of I doubt very much it will need to be concreted in. DS had one and it was secured into the grass with a few tent pegs.

TeapotCollection · 20/11/2020 13:23

Oh and the grass will definitely grow back. We had one of those above ground swimming pools for years, when we got rid of it the ‘lawn’ just didn’t exist but it soon came back

Knittedfairies · 20/11/2020 13:24

If you own the house 50/50 you own half the garden. Put the climbing frame in your half. Facetious, I know. Could you put some sort of play surface under the climbing frame so little feet won't ruin the non-existent grass?

DimidDavilby · 20/11/2020 13:27

YANBU and I'm a bit concerned that you even had to question it.

Who would rank lawn health above toddler enjoyment?!

BasinHaircut · 20/11/2020 13:30

I think you might need to tell him that aspirations of an ornamental lawn with a small child are just unrealistic and he needs to get with the programme.

Climbing frames, trampolines, goals, paddling pools, all fuck the grass but it’s GRASS ffs.

Does he not consider that your child will use the garden at all?

SarahG6383 · 20/11/2020 13:31

I’m going against the grain here, it’s his house just as much as it yours, He obviously loves his garden, it took me and my DH 2 years to fully repair the grass in our garden after we put a pool and swings etc in for kids and we have now said no to anymore as they couldn’t use the garden for that time as it was pretty much just mud for a while and while it was repairing nobody could use it. So we just have slides etc now but ones that can be popped on the concrete patio after they’ve played with them 😁

You both need to sit down and come up with a solution 😁 good luck!

Original poster
TPtoys · 20/11/2020 13:32

@Knittedfairies that's kind of how I normally work but I'm trying to be a bit more understanding and less passive aggressive.

@DimidDavilby my OH it would seem. Sad isn't it.

OP posts:
Felifox · 20/11/2020 13:33

The pleasure you will get from seeing ds playing will far outweigh some minimal damage to the grass. You could have a play area for him with special chippings that are safe for play areas, would that work?