Not allowed a climbing frame

[TPtoys]

I need some level headedness responses please. Who is BU?

I want a climbing frame in the garden - on the grass for DS1yo. Yes he cannot fully use it properly yet but it is a good price and I would like it for the spring when he will love it (he enjoys the park).

DP is garden proud to the extreme. He thinks it will ruin the grass from DS playing and walking on the grass near the frame. DS will run around the garden regardless in the future but I understand the point. However the climbing frame could be moved along the grass.

We own the house 50/50. So should I give up and respect his decision or do I stand my ground too. I suspect there is no right or wrong on this one but I would like to know if I'm unreasonable to push for this.

Get this kind of thing:
www.rubberco.co.uk/selectedsize/heavy-duty-rubber-grass-mats-2/10147?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIl-fJ866R7QIVgWDmCh0OyAIYEAQYAyABEgLcUPD_BwE

The mat protects the grass from wear as it grows through it, so the mat can't be seen and the grass isn't worn out.

Keen gardener. A worn out patch of grass is really easy to repair. It'll grow over itself then level it up with a touch of soil.

The more the toddler plays on the grass the less they play in the plants.

Our neighbour is very proud of his garden. His grass is immaculate. I often wonder if, now his children are grown up and away, he regrets not letting them have a swing, climbing frame or trampoline. Perhaps he was happy that they always used ours. They are young for such a short time. YANBU.

We've had a large inflatable pool in the garden for the last couple of years in June (only month it was warm!) Each year it destroys the grass under it, completely dead. I still think that one month of larking about in the pool was worth it for 8 months of a strange crop-circle in the grass.

Show your DP this thread.
Is he planning on banning your child from playing in the garden.
That's very abusive.

We resisted a trampoline for years because DH loves his garden and I think they’re an eye sore. We got one over lockdown and I regret not getting one earlier. YANBU OP, and your DP needs to reprioritise.

@TPtoys

I always think of those arguments that if one wants a baby and the other doesn't you don't do it - obviously this is a climbing frame not a baby but I didn't want to just plough on if I was being unreasonable.

Definitely DON'T plough anything OP! That really would be unreasonable!

Haven't read the whole thread but I think that your son's garden enjoyment trumps your DH's desire for a perfect garden.

Walking on the grass near the climbing frame?! Sweet Lord.

What a misery you Dh is.
We had one of these Little tikes frame for Ds, I used to move it around the lawn, it was easy to move, and Dh put it on the patio when he mowed.

OP,

Very garden proud here and we had a huge TP frame which we got 15 years from.
A great buy.

50/50 indeed means half the garden is yours.

He sounds like his garden is more important than his son.

A sand pit is a great buy too.
Position as far away from the house which will reduce what he brings in.

It is fantastic to have a fun garden to use.
Lovely to be able to entertain him without having to go out all the time.

Stand your ground.

He's being miserable. Buy it and install it while he's at work. He'll get over it. That's what I do!

The grass will be fine. And he needs to learn that aesthetics will probably take a hit with a child in the house.

Would it be helpful for your DP explicitly to express his priorities in order of lawn neatness, DS happiness and well-being and your opinion? He will either understand the reasonable-ness of his thinking or you will know where you stand.

I'm a gardener. I adore my garden, it's my favourite thing after my kids and DH. I have everything in it, herb garden, wildlife pond, perennial bed, cut flower patch, mini wildflower meadow, you name it.

It's also family friendly, so I've incorporated play areas for the toddler, a hang out area for the teen, and family eating areas.

A good garden is constantly in a process of evolution, they are never truly finished, and the garden you have now is not the garden you'll have in 20 years and nor should it be.

Bet your DH is the sort that likes everything rigid, is he?

Buy the frame. Grass is easy to fix

DP is garden proud to the extreme. He thinks it will ruin the grass from DS playing and walking on the grass near the frame.

Oh dear. Can he not see this position is not really sustainable for the foreseeable future now you have a child? What about in 5 or 10 years time when he starts kicking a ball about? Does he really think he can ban his child from playing in the garden?

Would a compromise work? E.g. one part of the garden which is sacrosanct for DH to do his thing and the rest just lawn for the DC to play in. Maybe cunningly design some hedge/fence/rockery thing to form a sort of boundary

Not sure if it's been mentioned already but we got an inflatable bouncy castle for our little ones. It came with the blower that you connected to the mains. They would use it for as long as they wanted and then help to flatten all the air out of it as we packed it away!

They are quite expensive, we got ours in a sale from a big garden centre but it lasted years and years and the children loved it. Grass didn't suffer as it could be folded up and put away (or stuffed in the shed) at the end of the day.

I feel a garden is for using, not for looking at. Realistically, how much does your DH get out of his perfect lawn anyway? If he goes out to work he only gets to look at it at the weekends and occasionally some summer evenings. Whereas your son is there all day, will get loads of pleasure from playing in the garden, and none from looking at a perfect lawn.

Having said that, using the decked area seems a possibility. Can't you put chairs on the lawn instead? Must admit, if it was me I'd lose the decking anyway.

Our garden evolved - gym bar then trampoline now hot tub (young teens). Totally agree with HeadNorth now we out of primary years that’s it! Such a precious time when they play in the garden and when it’s over it’s really over....

Oh yes inflatable bouncy castle. We got one (joint birthday from both grandparents). Best £80 ever spent. Hours of fun for years it just packs up into a bag after use. Would totally recommend

Never mind the climbing frame, what about the future? Will DC be allowed to play in the garden when they are older? Have friends over? Kick a football around? Or is DH going to forbid all that too?

This whole issue needs to be sorted and resolved.

we had a large climbing frame when the kids were little.

It did wreck the grass. Many becuase it was a large one that you pushed the legs into the ground. The grass grew in clumps round the legs and we didn't have a strimmer, so that made the lawn lumpy.
There was a groove under the swing that was always grassless and wore a crescent shaped hole.
Then there was the brown muddy strip from the bottom of the slide. But that may have been made worse by making it into a water slide in the summer.

Honestly it trashed the grass. But it was worth every penny for the years of fun and enjoyment we got out of it.
We got rid of the climbing frame and got a dog. In 6 months he did more damage to the grass, so I guess the lawn is never going to survive.

Gardens are for living in. You change and adapt them as your family changes

I think it's important for children to able to play. It would be unhygienic for your child to use a public playground, especially during this pandemic. Maybe you could section off part of the garden just for them.

Have you considered putting something underneath the climbing frame so that it doesn't get muddy there.

Oh he will be fun when you're at the age of trampolines, huge paddling pools and slide extenders

My dad never allowed me to have a swing ball because I would damage his precious lawn. Being far down the pecking order to a bloody lawn still stings and I am 43

Might I suggest having a look at Dawn Isaacs books/blog? She's a garden designer that specialises in child-friendly gardens. Her book 101 things to do outside (or something like that) is really really good.

She suggests things like sunken trampolines, willow tunnels etc - worth a look.

I think your DP is being a bit UR.
Your child would use it for maybe a few years in total before growing too old for it.
The grass will grow back.
Your son won't appreciate the perfect garden, but he will appreciate having fun in it.

However- it's his house too, so you need to agree a solution.