Not allowed a climbing frame

[TPtoys]

I need some level headedness responses please. Who is BU?

I want a climbing frame in the garden - on the grass for DS1yo. Yes he cannot fully use it properly yet but it is a good price and I would like it for the spring when he will love it (he enjoys the park).

DP is garden proud to the extreme. He thinks it will ruin the grass from DS playing and walking on the grass near the frame. DS will run around the garden regardless in the future but I understand the point. However the climbing frame could be moved along the grass.

We own the house 50/50. So should I give up and respect his decision or do I stand my ground too. I suspect there is no right or wrong on this one but I would like to know if I'm unreasonable to push for this.

IME children don't use garden play equipment much, somehow it's not the same as going to the park. We had a climbing frame but it was an eyesore and I wouldn't do it again for the use it got.

Yes the grass will get wrecked, but then once you get rid of it, you can reseed it.
It’s part of having children.

Ruin the grass? Surely the main reason for a garden (if you have children) is for the kids benefit?

Mine was the same about such things, especially trampolines. Then lockdown happened. Play parks were closed so I bought DS a big trampoline as he is very active. Best toy ever! We move it around to save the grass under it, and it takes up a lot of space, but we haven't regretted it.

Does your partner want a garden that's lovely to look at, or one you can all actually use?

What about something that can be put away like a slide or pikler triangle? Or build a pergola with climbing ladder & swing? I love gardening and would hate to have something permanently on the grass, but dc have a barked corner of the garden for a climbing frame and they have ride ins which live in the shed.

He is being so unreasonable.

The other option is to take down a wooden varanda type structure (I'm not sure what you call them), lay children play area foam (again no idea what that's called) and put it on the decking next to the house. We could do this but then we have no decking for our chairs etc and it obstructs the water tap, which isn't an issue for me but I can hear the moaning about that even now.

I had thought about a separate slide, swing, sandpit but the cost was similar.

My parents were like this. Everything had to look good all the time; the house, the garden.

Well guess what...I haven’t been home for 20 years. I never felt a second of sadness when they sold their house (apparently my “family” home; it never felt like it) and they’ve had 20 years to tend a garden without having to keep me or my children out of it.

Your DH needs to look at the bigger picture. Is he making a home (and relationship) with his child or creating a house for adults to look at?

It really fucks me off when people choose to bring children into the world but then make them secondary to crap like “nice grass”. NICE GRASS. FFS.

Your home should be the one place your kids know they are NEVER in the way.

He is been very unreasonable.

I can't understand anyone who would value a perfect lawn over their child. What a sad, misery guts.

He will have years and years of being able to fuss over a bit of grass when your son has grown up. Them being little doesn't last long and this time is precious.

I would just buy the child's garden equipment,and not listen to any complaints from your partner. He surely won't smash the whole thing up if you get something installed. It is for your child's enjoyment, which is the main thing, and a bit of flattened grass is not an issue.

We are not particularly garden proud, but the garden is to be used by everyone and your DC needs to have things for him. We used to move the frame (and latterly the trampoline) around the garden. We had a plastic run off thing (TP frame) so protect the grass where they come off the slide and that can be lifted off after every play time.

Aren't there specific hardy grass types that you use for play areas?

@WaxOnFeckOff it is a tp frame. I'll look for a slide landing mat. Didn't know this was an option. Thank you.

I think he is being very unreasonable but I'd leave it for now. It's not the best Christmas present for his age, wait for him to find out how valuable any toy is to wear out a very active toddler when the weather is better. For now, what about an indoor climbing frame. The Pikler and Wee'uns are much better suited to your son's age.

Our garden is for the whole family to enjoy, and that includes our children.
We have a lovely decked area with seating, BBQ and plants. DS and (pregnant with DD) has a lovely wooden playhouse painted to match the fence and DH made a window box for it. A sandpit on the decking and a slide on the grass. It's a tiny garden but looks beautiful and we spend a lot of time in it in the summer.

He's got to realise that you can't have a perfect home when you have kids. Is he also precious about the house? What happens when DS inevitably gets crayon on the walls or grubby fingerprints on the couch? He's going to have to relax a little or he'll be forever stressed and miserable.

The small child stage doesn't last long. In 11/12 years they seem to lose interest in tearing around the garden and things can be perfect again.

when kids are young gardens take a back seat and are a play ground. Grass will be damaged but frankly it will grow back. Kids first in my view

Your DS only has a period of his childhood where things like swings and trampolines, sandpits and pools are useful to have in the garden.
I dont know how things are going with Corona where you are but having stuff to occupy him in the garden and get regular physical activity could be really useful for his development and well being at this time - you are pretty fortunate to have the choice of being able to provide it.

What is the garden for? What benefit do you and your DS get out of a perfectly manicured showpiece lawn? Its kind of like insisting on having a 2 seater convertible when you have kids - its selfish, impractical and doesnt meet anyones needs.

I think he needs to suck it up and accept that the garden will be used while the kids are young, and he can get it returfed and obsess over grass quality when they are older.

"DP is garden proud to the extreme."
Serious question - what does he think a garden is for? What purpose does it serve - to him, to you, to your child? If there are competing purposes, what is the hierarchy?

We put up a climbing frame when DS was little, it was there for a few years. Yes, it affected the grass a bit. But you know - after we took it down, the grass grew back. You couldn't tell where the frame had been after less than a year. And - it's just grass.

DS, on the other hand, has fond memories of his frame and playing on it with his friends.

Your DH is BVVVVU.

It's a toddler, fgs, not a herd of elephants. Lawns can take some wear and tear. And they will recover quickly when any equipment is gone.

Like this:

www.tptoys.com/outdoor-toys/slides/slide-accessories/tp-straightaway-slide-extension_1.htm?utm_source=google&utm_medium=base&productid=1086&gclid=CjwKCAiA7939BRBMEiwA-hX5Jy8F2B0lxKBgOTrbou8rcVgVTPT8jAZSlAgNyH1ltnPS75siJ0e-dxoCe8gQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Too young, you'll be marshalling him off it a lot of the time.

However get the bloody climbing frame! What a selfish shite if he thinks otherwise.

What a miserable twat!

The garden is for everyone to enjoy as a pp has said. What does your “DP” think will happen if he doesn’t get a climbing frame? That your child will never play on the grass? That’s unrealistic at best, damaging to the child at worst (ie if he gets his way).

I agree your child is too young for a climbing frame at present but he’ll be wanting garden toys in the longer term and will definitely be playing on the grass!

Could you compromise by putting some grass protection mats down? We did this under the swing and they worked pretty well.

A climbing frame won't ruin the grass but a trampoline will permanently kill it - we had a trampoline for years and the grass under it died and was replaced by dandelions - the rabbit was in 7th heaven and we didn't mind as the long term plan was to replace it with a wildlife pond once the trampoline was redundant.

YANBU.