Why are so many people struggling with life?

[Letsgetgoing888]

Not just due to covid, but it’s definitely been highlighted more recently....

But in recent years there seem so many more angry people, stressed people, depressed people, people that can’t control their temper, mental health issues, obese kids, obese adults, people who don’t look after themselves or their kids properly...

I know mental health services are woefully inadequate, but generally as a society we are talking more about mental health, provide benefits, charity support, free healthcare and so much more than in the past.

But more people seem to be really struggling in many different ways, health wise, financially, mentally, emotionally. Suicide rates are higher now than in the past (even pre-covid).

Did they have it right in the old days of stiff upper lip? And if not, why are things so much worse now when there is so much more awareness?

@Letsgetgoing888

Not just due to covid, but it’s definitely been highlighted more recently....

But in recent years there seem so many more angry people, stressed people, depressed people, people that can’t control their temper, mental health issues, obese kids, obese adults, people who don’t look after themselves or their kids properly...

I know mental health services are woefully inadequate, but generally as a society we are talking more about mental health, provide benefits, charity support, free healthcare and so much more than in the past.

But more people seem to be really struggling in many different ways, health wise, financially, mentally, emotionally. Suicide rates are higher now than in the past (even pre-covid).

Did they have it right in the old days of stiff upper lip? And if not, why are things so much worse now when there is so much more awareness?

When I was a teen I suffered from severe depression and anxiety. I was sexually assaulted and kept a stiff upper lip. Didn’t tell anyone. Made me worse. If people are telling others about their MH issues then that’s the first step to recovery. Releasing emotions is healthy. I’m glad there’s more awareness.

But in the late 70s/80s unemployment soared and strikes led to real poverty and the mortgage rate was the highest ever. People just feel they are entitled now and that no other generation has had it so bad.

Do you really think during the war it was better? Or before the health service where if you didn’t have the money you died? Or where violence in a marriage was seen as a private matter?!!! And so much more. We have the internet, social media and vast television services this means you hear about it more. I promise you if was just as bad but people suffered intolerable lives and no one knew.

Not the only reason, but definitely exacerbated by Margaret Thatcher saying there is no society. It made people focus on their material gains as evidence of a successful life which took up most of their time. Emotional and personal relationships with others: unless you’re making me money, I am much less interested. We then as a species began to lose personal connection. But we can regain this.

Please don’t start that rubbish. You did not have a private rented sector back in the 70s/ 80s, nor such a high population with an acknowledged shortfall of housing. There were unconditional benefits too which were not denied to under 25s. There’s plenty of evidence around about relative economic status.

I'm sure the thread has moved on but YABVU.
Mental health issues are not a failure to maintain a stiff upper lip or a failure to be resilient. They are as valid as physical health issues.
I can't comment as to the causes in general but in adolescents one thing I have noticed is the huge different in stress from our current education system. The need to get a 9 when an A would have been good in the eighties (equivalent to a 7). The fact that GCSE maths and english include a large amount of the old A level syllabus, and equally the fact that A level science include a large amount of formerly degree-level syllabus etc. The fact that failure to properly critique unseen or seen poetry can consign you to the educational scrapheap at age 16.
And YABU also that suicide rates have never been so high. I remember suicide being very common in the 70s and 80s when people quietly plugged themselves into their exhaust pipes in their garages etc. Then people did see mental health issues as a failure to maintain a stiff upper lip, which is why posts like the OP are very upsetting in this day and age.

I believe that people are struggling because they don't feel safe any more. Zero hours jobs replacing skilled trades that are no longer there (miners, steel workers) I also believe that obesity is due to hormones being added to crops and livestock. (remember mad cow disease). I also think covid is germ warfare that was accidently leaked. When I was young everybody could walk to work, now you need a car. I had fun in nature and the sunshine I didn't have my head stuck to technology. But I am happy I grew up with the best music - bring back discos haha xxx

So many reasons.

More people in the world = more problems.

More personal insight into mental health so it's being recognised earlier.

More discussion can be a good thing but it can also be negative: as it becomes more socially acceptable there is a knock on effect of some people wallowing for longer so rather than finding a treatment plan and effectively moving on you get a "well this is how I am" attitude and not a lot of positive desire to remedy it.

As the saying goes: you can have a bad day or a bad week but you must get help if it becomes a bad month.

I have SAD, Biploar 2, PTSD and at one time I suffered from panic disorder but I choose not build a house and live in it: I take my meds, exercise, eat well and have a management plan for when I'm in crisis. My diagnosis has been positive for me as I finally understand myself, I'm on the right meds and I have found a way to manage myself. It's been a revelation but make no mistake, it also requires a determination to get well and stay there when you are at your lowest ebb and that takes absolute commitment to yourself.

I think that with social media and the internet in general things are 24/7 and that has had an impact.

Many people have moved away from family / oldest closest friends undue to work so dont have as close a network as they would have. Also due to these new fangled inventions such as the internet and 24 hour news things like mental health etc ate much more readily reported. Thing 100 years ago, you had no idea a peodophile lived next door but due to 24 hour news/ internet you now do, same as mental health issues. People have always struggled and I thinks its obnoxious to think otherwise, it's just now info about people struggling hits us 24 / 7 in the news

Of course there was a private rental sector in the 70/80s and for decades before.

Phones, Facebook. Social media . That's the reason .

I think it's the impact of globalisation and increased pace of change. It's brought lifestyle improvements beyond our grandparents wildest dreams but there is a price to pay.

Jobs are simultaneously more insecure, more pressurised and more specialised. Matching your skills to a job requires a preparedness to travel long distances and once you're there, work stupid hours. Plus there is always an element of winging it that I don't think is realistic or comfortable for a lot of people, causing a lot of occupational stress.

Add to that the time pressures that mean training/induction is minimal - people are expected to hit the ground running yet are under incredible pressure to also get it right first time, every time.

Our tolerance for human error, emotion and frailty is lower than ever.

Because we are all working and travelling such long hours, we don't have time to build the sorts of real face to face social networks we had in the past, so we rely on social media. That's another Pandora's box of problems we've opened, from echo chambers and online conflict to airbrushed faces, bodies and lives.

Our kids now have to work harder and do better simply to get to first base of a job.

We have to work harder and do better simply to afford a house to live in.

On top of all that you have the fragmentation of families and communities that's happened because of the "flexible labour market".

Our human brains are grappling with the key drivers to overdo everything - eating, social media, TV, drinking. Now everything is available to us 24/7 we have to have superhuman self-control to resist bad habits.

Now we've spent a miserable year in the purgatory of our small, work-driven lives whilst cutting off the two sources of healthy habits - communicating face to face at work and exercising by travelling to work.

Repeat above for kids but school replaces work.

We are all metaphorical monkeys in cages now.

@Smallsteps88

Poor diets, less time outdoors, less social interaction, Tory government after Tory fucking government.

Yes. Absolutely. In a nutshell. And too many people living their lives on facebook and twitter and detaching from actual reality and proper relationships with friends and family.

I think it’s a combination of things with no actual answer.

Financial stress is a big one which leads to others. Wages have not increased at the same rate as housing costs and other living costs etc. Meaning people need to work more to afford the same things that many people on a full time wage could afford a few decades ago.

Education. Have you seen the level of maths, English and science being taught in school? I was in the top group of all three of those subjects in secondary school so I wasn’t stupid but the stuff my niece was doing at secondary school was way above what I did and she was struggling and stressed constantly. They really push kids now, not to be better educated but to pass the exams that make the schools look good. This isn’t the teachers fault, it’s the system.

Housing. Smaller and smaller homes with little or no outdoor space can impact people’s mental well-being and stress levels.

Knowledge. The more we know about the world the more there is to be afraid of. And seeing not just news and celebrities in the media but everyday people on social media and comparing your life to theirs often leaves people feeling more and more inadequate.

And in the technology that is growing more and more entangled in peoples lives making it hard to actually switch off and get a decent night of sleep.

We have unrealistic expectations

As well as what has been said, I think what is acceptable has changed. My dad grew up with his mum wielding a leather belt and she was a nice sensible middle class lady (who wouldn't take any sh*t) That was normal in the 1940's and early 1950's, now it would be considered child abuse and anger issues. My great grandmother on the other side was "not all that easy to live with"...she used to throw frying pans at her husband. Nowadays that would be domestic abuse. I am not saying that what happened in the past was acceptable, but our standards have, rightfully, mproved, and so things that don't fit our new higher standards have to be considered abuse or mental health issues. But human nature is exactly the same, poverty is overall probably better but maybe people turn to drugs instead of alcohol now.

Technology, people
Living further away from families, the fact most families need two incomes so many reasons but good to stop and pause and actually think about these things

Maybe it’s not healthy holding back on physical feelings of anger. Not letting children hit back not approving of a screaming match. Thinking it’s wrong to smash a cheating partners cell phone etc.

Cost of living, jobs and relationships not as permanent as they used to be, not being able to afford to get on the property ladder, less jobs, less services. Also for me and my friend trying to look after kids and ageing parents who are also struggling.

Hi @Letsgetgoing888,

I am a private therapist and I have to say I think it is in part (nothing is simply one thing when it comes to people) our consumerist society. Society essentially tells us we are 'inadequate' and then sells us a solution - buy a posh car, a nice dress, a great shampoo, because "you're worth it" - yes we are worth it, but that assurance comes from within, from a strong sense of resilience and capability. Those things society doesn't want us to have because then we won't buy all the rubbish being touted out there.

I spent years buying into the rubbish (and spending a fortune trying to feel 'good enough') and then I realised, the only person who can make me feel good enough is me. So I got some therapy. And then I ditched my high level city job and became a therapist. I have sold the fancy car, the posh clothes and the other clutter and I have never been happier.

Consumerism creates a more complex life than we need and when we focus on the small joys - a beautiful day, our family, a delicious meal - we find a lot more satisfaction than when we chase 'stuff'. Social media doesn't help - everyone showing us their 'perfect life'. So I switch it off regularly, I maintain a healthy awareness that it is not the real world.

I could go on, but I shall refrain and step carefully off my soapbox for fear of sounding evangelical! All I know is that I let go of the sh*t that was holding me down in life, simplified and found contentment and happiness after near on 40years of self-doubt, depression and anxiety.

Much love

xxK

When you start to ACCEPT that being alive does not equate to having all your needs met.

And when you start to ACCEPT that frustration, pain, loss, discontent IS the human condition, you might be less miserable.
Because a lot of misery stems from the mismatch between expectation and reality.
Stop seeking happiness and just BE. Then, suddenly, there's no longer a battle. Try it ! ... go on.

Choice.

A hundred years ago you would have been born in a town, grown up and stayed there.

Now we have the choice to live anywhere, do anything, and fulfill our ambitions and aspirations.

But in reality for many people that Choice is false.

Eg can’t afford to live where they would like but society keeps on telling us all that we have choice and control.

Therefore when things don’t work out as expected the blame is on the individual

I think that the breakdown of families living close to each other has contributed to a lot of today’s problems. The high wage earner seeking betterment for their family often means moving away from family roots and the family support network being broken. Years and years ago families all lived nearby and were able to support each other....

years ago I don't think people expected to be happy. I think more people were more content because they were content with discontent. !!
( if you can get your head around that).