Why are so many people struggling with life?

[Letsgetgoing888]

Not just due to covid, but it’s definitely been highlighted more recently....

But in recent years there seem so many more angry people, stressed people, depressed people, people that can’t control their temper, mental health issues, obese kids, obese adults, people who don’t look after themselves or their kids properly...

I know mental health services are woefully inadequate, but generally as a society we are talking more about mental health, provide benefits, charity support, free healthcare and so much more than in the past.

But more people seem to be really struggling in many different ways, health wise, financially, mentally, emotionally. Suicide rates are higher now than in the past (even pre-covid).

Did they have it right in the old days of stiff upper lip? And if not, why are things so much worse now when there is so much more awareness?

@Sitt

I suppose you could think about it another way OP - what is it about your life that means you aren’t struggling (if you indeed aren’t). It can help to muse on things that way round as it reminds one that it isn’t a case of them vs us

Well @Sitt I think it’s mainly luck, but also a large amount of hard work and scrimping and going without massively in the past to get to this point.

But it hasn’t been a bed of roses along the way by any stretch of the imagination.

@Louiselhrau

The breakdown of the classical family has also had a massive impact on the mental wellbeing of a vast proportion of people. There's a direct correlation in the increase of mental health disorders and single parent households. Obviously that's not to say every single parent household will have a poor outcome outcome as there will be some that are better than 2 parent ones but the evidence definitely suggests a correlation.

What do you mean by "classical family"? do you mean a traditional family with a male breadwinner, a SAHM and kids?

Are you saying that the rise in MH disorders is related to a rise in single parent households?

Where is the evidence of this "direct correlation in the increase of mental health disorders and single parent households"? I've seen no data that suggests more single parent households correlates to more mental health problems.

Your post is pure conjecture (with a large helping of bias). As the head of a happy and successful single parent household and one for which happiness has increased exponentially as a result of leaving the "classical family", I could chuck in my own anecdotal bias and observe that your observation sounds like bollocks.

But I won't do it without evidence and I'd rather you didn't either.

@Louiselhrau

The breakdown of the classical family has also had a massive impact on the mental wellbeing of a vast proportion of people. There's a direct correlation in the increase of mental health disorders and single parent households. Obviously that's not to say every single parent household will have a poor outcome outcome as there will be some that are better than 2 parent ones but the evidence definitely suggests a correlation.

And the Boomers (younger ones mainly) and Gen X were the first generations to really get the impact of the end of the nuclear family, for better or worse.

Fascinating thread, and how nice to have been able to return to the days when people can post their thoughts without anyone being shouted down or screeched at

I am 60.
I grew up in poverty. (Immigrant extended family living all together in a 3 bed council house)

When I was young it was a case of if you were born poor you could get yourself out of poverty by putting in extra hours in extra jobs and cutting back where possible.
Some people like today wouldn’t be bothered and would drink/squander any earnings away.

No one was really bothered about what other people had as your neighbours were in the same boat as you and doing the exact thing as you were. Pooling any money earned until they had enough money to buy a bigger then bigger place to house all the family and get off the slum estate.
Now the cost of living is so high that if we took away the extra benefits that act as a subsidy for people who are in work, (which means companies aren’t actually paying the going rate if the government has to step in) there isn’t enough hours in the day to make up the shortfall. Let alone save and keep up with rising house prices.

There has to be something fundamentally wrong if basic wages are so low that the government has to hand out extra benefits to top the salary up.

On SM people can fall into a trap of seeing what others have and getting jealous of their life style.

I would say sometimes the life style doesn’t match the income and it is a false picture of what is actually going on.

I remember a thread on here where a woman saw her new furniture being passed off as the results of some other woman’s “hard work” and business.

I think reading between the lines is a skill we all need when looking at someone’s SM posts

I also think there is a huge difference between the way things were when it came to policing.

I know someone who was chased through her own home by armed men. Barricaded herself into a bedroom and called 999 only for her to wait for the police arrive. When they did an hour later. The armed men had left after robbing her and the police didn’t appear to be interested and handed her a crime number so she could claim on her insurance.
But if you stop on a double yellow line or veer into a Bus Lane in error then there is a letter and fine sent out immediately.

The people who invaded friends house will have no prosecution, no fine for what they did they can just take what they like and it us the ones who are law abiding who have to pay.

This is just one example but it is happening all over the country and it makes people angry and pissed off at the same time

Interesting question...I'd say a few factors, and general overload, there's too much of a lot of things -

• Working life/less time ie all adults working in household
• Expectations on material things that would have been high end / saved for (new phones, tech). It was a big deal to get a new telly, and it would last for yonks
• Information overload, 24/7 news
• Social media, pressure to be perfect, look good, have everything sorted.
• Expectations to be doing/achieving for our kids - after school activities daily, pressure from primary school age (is my kid behind etc etc).

@thepeopleversuswork

I completely agree, I was from a (fairly poor) single parent household and have faired very well!

That being said, I’m sure there’s good and bad like everything else. I’m pretty sure a stable single parent family is better than an unhappy, abusive 2 parent family though.

It does make me cringe though when they report on the problems with young black boys in London (I’ve seen it in various reputable articles and news programmes but have no link) and link it to the lack of a father figure. There must be some evidence to show this but I don’t like the inference.

@Oliversmumsarmy

I am 60. I grew up in poverty. (Immigrant extended family living all together in a 3 bed council house)

When I was young it was a case of if you were born poor you could get yourself out of poverty by putting in extra hours in extra jobs and cutting back where possible.
Some people like today wouldn’t be bothered and would drink/squander any earnings away.

No one was really bothered about what other people had as your neighbours were in the same boat as you and doing the exact thing as you were. Pooling any money earned until they had enough money to buy a bigger then bigger place to house all the family and get off the slum estate.
Now the cost of living is so high that if we took away the extra benefits that act as a subsidy for people who are in work, (which means companies aren’t actually paying the going rate if the government has to step in) there isn’t enough hours in the day to make up the shortfall. Let alone save and keep up with rising house prices.

There has to be something fundamentally wrong if basic wages are so low that the government has to hand out extra benefits to top the salary up.

On SM people can fall into a trap of seeing what others have and getting jealous of their life style.

I would say sometimes the life style doesn’t match the income and it is a false picture of what is actually going on.

I remember a thread on here where a woman saw her new furniture being passed off as the results of some other woman’s “hard work” and business.

I think reading between the lines is a skill we all need when looking at someone’s SM posts

I also think there is a huge difference between the way things were when it came to policing.

I know someone who was chased through her own home by armed men. Barricaded herself into a bedroom and called 999 only for her to wait for the police arrive. When they did an hour later. The armed men had left after robbing her and the police didn’t appear to be interested and handed her a crime number so she could claim on her insurance.
But if you stop on a double yellow line or veer into a Bus Lane in error then there is a letter and fine sent out immediately.

The people who invaded friends house will have no prosecution, no fine for what they did they can just take what they like and it us the ones who are law abiding who have to pay.

This is just one example but it is happening all over the country and it makes people angry and pissed off at the same time

A relative of mine had his laptop stolen going through the airport at Christmas two years ago. He contacted the police and the airport and found that the man who stole it was caught on camera. Then followed a long drawn out process to get the man to return or pay for the laptop. My relative had to spend hours and hours on the phone chasing up the police, phoning virtually every week. They weren't interested. By sheer will he eventually got the man taken to court. He was ordered to pay for the laptop by court order. The man is refusing to pay. The police told him anyone else would have given up long ago, but the laptop was a precious possession with a lot of expensive music stored on it. He has very little money and loss of the laptop was absolutely devastating. especially at Christmas. The police were absolutely useless. However, as you say, if you veer into a bus lane, it's a hefty fine straight away.

Can I question why posters are referring to a massive rise in suicides? I’ve googled, and the first article I’ve found (with ONS data) has a chart from 1980. The article was written because of a very recent rise. But actually, this period of increased technology that seems to be the main period discussed on this thread, has falling suicide rates. And this is post decriminalisation and post increased awareness of MH issues, so (just my unsubstantiated opinion) I don’t think the reduction is under-reporting.

Of course, suicide isn’t the sole measure of unhappiness, but I was interested to google it - because several posters seemed to be presenting increased suicides as a fact.

There is a thesis that it's not overall levels of a countries wealth that matter for outcomes like mental health but the level of equality. In countries where there are bigger gaps between the top and the bottom (in terms of wealth) mental health for everyone is poorer. NOT just mental health but higher crime, drug use etc. It was well explained in a book called 'the spirit level'. There are lots of psychogical processes at work that could explain this and plenty of social psychology research in this area. I also think that stability and certainty are at the core of sustaining good mental health and there has been an erosion of good stable work and housing since the 70's.....

That’s really interesting @Cocomarine, I didn’t realise it was so high 30+ years ago.

Maybe I’m more tuned into it now with work and being generally more interested in what’s going on in the world.

We live in a much more unequal and pressurised society - living standards are falling. Yippee

@corythatwas I live about 10 minutes down the road from where my grandma and at least 200 years of family have lived and we are not affluent at all. I live in a back to back terrace in a northern town and can only dream of all the huge salaries and posh houses that I read about on here. It's those kind of threads that give me the impression I live in a bit of a poverty enclave and that elsewhere people have much higher expectations. Honestly how many people on here would turn their nose up at a £70k terrace in need of work? I bet a fair few would. The availability of such a thing is an advantage of living in my area if you have the mindset for it and don't mind renovating gradually. But I do think a lot of people would consider that to be low aspiration and settling for less whereas previous generations viewed it as normal. And how many threads are there too where someone posts a bargain they've seen and people pile in saying it looks cheap and naff and bragging about their £300 coat/shoes/bag/whatever? I'm well aware that there are still problems with poor housing and hunger and so on (having previously experienced what would officially be classed as destitution myself) but I think it's a fair comment that in general these are less prevalent than say pre WW2. I am not surrounded by collapsing slums with broken windows and children in rags like you see in the old photos of our town. I do what I can to help the foodbanks.

That's what I thought cocomarine. I do wonder if anything has changed in the way coroner's seem a death to be suicide though. I wonder if inconclusive verdicts have increased or if it is a genuine fall.

@Facelikearustytractor

That's what I thought cocomarine. I do wonder if anything has changed in the way coroner's seem a death to be suicide though. I wonder if inconclusive verdicts have increased or if it is a genuine fall.

I did start skim reading a paper about methods, @Facelikearustytractor In previous generations, hanging (especially for men), poisoning and gassing were major methods. I suppose there’s less chance of a cry for help remaining only a cry, with those methods. Even if you’re quite set on ending your life, if you overdose perhaps you’re more likely to get it wrong, or be found in time, or simply having something that can be reversed with stomach pumping if you change your mind after starting 😕 So I suspect method has an impact on the decrease - though doesn’t explain all the reduction.

Ah..: the good old days. When it was socially acceptable

Ah.. the good old days when it was socially acceptable and legal to batter your wife and children, and rape your wife.

People have had mental health problems since the beginning of time. It’s part and parcel of humanity.

I think people have always struggled with life, some all their life, others for periods of time. It is highlighted now whereas in the past, it was brushed under the carpet. People with mental health issues were often locked up for years - some for being morally compromised if they had a baby. I had a cousin with agoraphobia who didn't put one foot outside the front door for more than twenty years; there were neighbours who didn't know she existed. Her parents just kept it quiet.

Attempted suicide was illegal - it was actually possible to be arrested for it - and suicide was hushed up.

Many children had terrible lives, afraid to speak out.

Things are better now.

I’ve said it on other threads, but a proportion of mental health problems now, and other difficulties in people’s lives, are a direct result of mental health problems and other difficulties experienced by previous generations that were not dealt with and/or resolved effectively. For example. When people talk about “it’s a good job people weren’t so feeble during the war” well... many people were traumatised and there weren’t necessarily support services or healthy ways to deal with that and it may well have had a knock-on effect on the lives of their children, their grandchildren etc.

@Sitt

I’ve said it on other threads, but a proportion of mental health problems now, and other difficulties in people’s lives, are a direct result of mental health problems and other difficulties experienced by previous generations that were not dealt with and/or resolved effectively. For example. When people talk about “it’s a good job people weren’t so feeble during the war” well... many people were traumatised and there weren’t necessarily support services or healthy ways to deal with that and it may well have had a knock-on effect on the lives of their children, their grandchildren etc.

Totally agree. I have a particular interest in inter generational trauma. It is definitely passed down the generations

So the nuclear family was so ideal was it with so many people stuck and unable to divorce without judgement?!
"The grass is always greener"which is one reason why we will never be happy as a species.

I think if most people dig into their family history just a bit, all sorts of things come to light. Grandmothers on Valium for ‘nerves’. Hushed up suicides, people ‘put away’ in institutions for various reasons. Miserable marriages, women who never recovered from losing children, misery and trauma abound. You have to read between the lines and decipher the euphemisms.

In the past people's mental health issues got 'diverted' elsewhere.

One grandfather, utterly traumatised by ww2....turned to risk taking afterwards. The loveliest man but one who took stupid risks which when you look back it's easy to see was the PTSD manifesting itself.

Another grandparent dealt with their own depression by becoming a volunteer and through church.

One who developed the best case of ostrich syndrome I've ever seen. Pretend it's not there's, it'll disappear.

Issues were not talked about. You just got on with life and tried to cope.

There’s a lot more pressure. Loads more “keeping up with the joneses”, more pressure for mums to appear perfect. It seems society wants mother’s To act like the perfect 1950s housewife/mum and still hold down a full time jobs and somehow raise the kids like they’re always at home and to be feminist but not too feminist. It’s exhausting to even think about, much less consider every single day!