Suprise snowballed - what do I do now!

[binkyblinky]

TL:DR - do I still give vouchers, or do I send cash? would really like some opinions on this please!

Earlier in the year, a lady from my school set up a Facebook chat no we left school at 1995, so are all in our 40s now.

The lady who set it up didn't have a pleasant experience at school I believe, I believe she has some form of learning disability. She messages the chat every couple of days asking how everyone is, and trying to start conversations. It is clear to me and several of my former classmates that she is incredibly lonely. She has said in the past that she didn't have the best experience at school.

We are very grateful for her setting up the chat and putting people back in touch.

She has had a terrible year. [MNHQ have edited these details to protect identity]

I thought it would be a kind gesture to have a small collection for her, intending to send her some supermarket gift vouchers so that she could perhaps buy all her and her daughters's Christmas food 'on us', so I set up a just giving account and hoped to raise £50-£100 for her.

Well! It's snowballed a bit. And currently I have £295!

Now. This is a large sum of money. It could really help her! Do I send her the cash (I have her address) - or do I send her £100 supermarket vouchers and £200 love to shop vouchers? I don't know much of her situation, whether she is in debt or not. But I kind of feel that it would be great for her to not have to worry about gifts for her daughter, and Christmas food.

AIBU to still give vouchers? Or do I send her cash? (Into her bank account)

Would love some opinions / ideas x

Well done OP. This is a really lovely idea.
However, I would avoid love to shop vouchers as they are hard to spend (even just remembering who takes them), and can't be used online.

I would get something she can use both in a shop and online especially given the current unavailability of actual shops.

That's a very kind gesture OP in these dire times, I agree with vouchers too as a thank you.

@ReallySpicyCurry

There's some out there would hace snatched the lipstick out of the women's hands at Belsen, because apparently when you're in a miserable situation all you should do is dwell on your misery and not expect or look for any spark of brightness or frivolity because "it's not necessary"

Well, man shall not live by bread alone and all that

Well I’ve worked in the debt industry and the stress of having no money makes people suicidal - so cash actually helps a lot. Misery is normally lifted when you know you can pay your bills.

@binkyblinky

As I said. I just wanted to do something nice for her, to cheer her up, because she is sad, and lonely. And I thought; a gift voucher to her fave supermarket at this time of year would be great. It's always expensive at Christmas.

I in no way thought I'd raise so much. So hence my dilemma.

I have since found out her fave supermarket is Morrison's, and she can't remember the last time she went clothes shopping for herself, as she spends all her money on her daughter.

Maybe enjoying your ‘dilemma’ a bit?

You’ve been told your amazing off MN maybe just get on with what ever your going to give her.

Please dont take a picture of you handing it over for facebook though..

@gillybean2 yes it's the constant mental drudge of it all. Always something owing or needing paid and never any let up and even if you have money to spend on yourself you never would because of the guilt
The not feeling normal is the worst of it.

Codexvinchi you're preaching to the choir here but also totally missing my point

@Snaileyes - wow - having a bad day are we?

@Ragwort

Agree with Rudolph, Love to Shop vouchers are really hard to spend.

I agree completely, we found the same, and sometimes shopworkers don’t even know if they accept them or not. We really struggled and only had £15 thankfully!

I’d go with supermarket vouchers as Love to Shop Vouchers might not be that easy to spend when a lot of shops aren’t open.
Had she not said Morrison’s I would have suggested Sainsbury’s if she has a decent sized one close by, mainly because as well as the food they have a good selection of clothes, make up etc.
If she wants boots Sainsbury’s has plenty of choice - I bought a pair of knee length boots last year that are still going strong, and have had so many compliments about a pair of suede ankle boots that were £35 but had 25% off when I bought them a couple of months ago that I’d really like another pair in a different colour. Plus their jeans are my go to jeans at the moment.

Problem with supermarket vouchers is that you can get an awful lot more for your money at Aldi and Lidl than Tesco etc. £295 could be her entire Christmas in the right place.
It’s so tricky, I agree vouchers are more gift like but then when I was struggling for money I would have been frustrated to have Tesco vouchers knowing I could get exactly the same for half the price and make them go so much further if I had the cash. On balance I would send cash.

@binkyblinky

I will send recorded delivery x

Send it Special Delivery which is insured for items with value (or are you local enough to drop it round by hand?).

@StCharlotte I'm 200 miles away!

Is there a big asda near by? You can get everything in the world at a big asda

When I was a skint single parent, vouchers for any supermarket would have made my day. They would also have freed up my cash for things like clearing debts and putting extra on the electric meter.

I would have been utterly over the fucking MOON to get an M&S voucher tbh. But Tesco would have been amazing too.

@poorlyearboy yes you can! I love you call it 'big asda'
I live in Milton Keynes, we have the biggest Asda in Europe!

A prepaid visa card would give her flexibility to spend almost anywhere. You can usually buy them in Tesco.

Well I’ve worked in the debt industry and the stress of having no money makes people suicidal - so cash actually helps a lot. Misery is normally lifted when you know you can pay your bills

And I've been deep in debt. and its nice occasionally to remember that there are nice things in life, that its not all penury. Cash just disappears into the hole, a real treat could lift yourspirits enough to give you the will to carry on.

@FudgeDrudge

Jesus Christ.Different fucking world on here sometimes

Do you want to explain why its so completely insane to give poor people vouchers for M&S instead of Tesco, as a gift? You think theyre not good enough for the better quality food, or what?

I don't think that, at all, BUT when someone is really struggling I think it's better to give them options. If they want to splurge that's great, but if they want to stretch it out as far as possible JL & M&S aren't going to help

She might be utterly grateful to be able to spend it on her electricity so they can have a cosy home over Christmas & some food from whoever can deliver.

Personally I'm not that fussed by M&S food i
I find it over priced & over hyped. (And I could shop there regularly if I wanted to).

@binkyblinky

I would get her a 'gift' prepaid credit card. Then there's really no limit what she can spend it on & it's just more 'gifty' than cash, while being less restrictive.

I think the key is the card & emphasising how you all wanted to thank her for getting you back together

@ReallySpicyCurry

Codexvinchi you're preaching to the choir here but also totally missing my point

Apologies. I was cooking dinner.

Yes! Go with big asda then if you can. It does a wider range of food, it's cheaper and you can buy anything in the world. I grew up in a very deprived area, my friends would be thrilled with an asda voucher - nearly £300 is a mind blowing amount in asda.
Morrisons is my fave supermarket but only for food, it doesn't really do anything else. And the fashion is decent at George meaning her teenage daughter can get something that is cool

My husband's company gave each employee a huge voucher for Tesco last year. It was very happily received without comment from all employee's.

Husband is a very high earner and I certainly didn't have a problem.

Previously we got hotel vouchers etc. These were great.

One year when dh and I were brassic, he got given £50 vouchers for a posh designer clothes shop. We silently wept inside when he bought a top for about £60 (having to put in some of his own money) thinking about what we could have done with the money.

He never even wore the top!

Give her the cash but with a message saying you are sorry it's not gift vouchers but you were not sure what she would prefer, so decided it would be better to let her choose for herself.

I've always viewed cash as the universal gift voucher.

No, that's not true.

You are allowed to receive gifts, which is what this is. The only thing that reduces UC is the amount you earn in a month and savings over £6,000

but if this woman suddenly has £300 cash show up in her bank statements - U.C will ask where it from and why she's been given the money

keep it simple and gift £300 in supermarket vouchers

if she wants to buy other stuff in the supermarket she can

but if she just wants to buy food to get by then she can

vouchers will not unwittingly get her into bother with any benefits and she can spend through January if needed