Suprise snowballed - what do I do now!

[binkyblinky]

TL:DR - do I still give vouchers, or do I send cash? would really like some opinions on this please!

Earlier in the year, a lady from my school set up a Facebook chat no we left school at 1995, so are all in our 40s now.

The lady who set it up didn't have a pleasant experience at school I believe, I believe she has some form of learning disability. She messages the chat every couple of days asking how everyone is, and trying to start conversations. It is clear to me and several of my former classmates that she is incredibly lonely. She has said in the past that she didn't have the best experience at school.

We are very grateful for her setting up the chat and putting people back in touch.

She has had a terrible year. [MNHQ have edited these details to protect identity]

I thought it would be a kind gesture to have a small collection for her, intending to send her some supermarket gift vouchers so that she could perhaps buy all her and her daughters's Christmas food 'on us', so I set up a just giving account and hoped to raise £50-£100 for her.

Well! It's snowballed a bit. And currently I have £295!

Now. This is a large sum of money. It could really help her! Do I send her the cash (I have her address) - or do I send her £100 supermarket vouchers and £200 love to shop vouchers? I don't know much of her situation, whether she is in debt or not. But I kind of feel that it would be great for her to not have to worry about gifts for her daughter, and Christmas food.

AIBU to still give vouchers? Or do I send her cash? (Into her bank account)

Would love some opinions / ideas x

You sound like a really kind person. Lovely thing to do.

Definitely Tesco vouchers as she live near a big one, that way she could get more than just grocery items. Please come back and tell us how it all went.

Lovely idea. Tescos ideal because she can buy pretty much anything in there , including clothes.

What a lovely thing to do, my faith in humanity is restored x

How lovely ! Definitely vouchers.

You are a very kind person ❤️

If you are trying to explain why you have done the collection, maybe say that you're all grateful to her for re-connecting everyone and they wanted to say thank you properly to her for being so thoughtful. Makes it sound less like you just feel sorry for her.

That money was for her to spend on what she needs.

There was no conditions on people donating money and tbh it would really piss me off if some one decided - off their own back to buy vouchers with it.

Tesco is expensive to some people and she might prefer somewhere cheaper.

Just give her the money. She’s an adult. It’s actually really controlling for you to decide where she can spend her money.

That is lovely and you are clearly very kind to organise this. Vouchers would be the way to go. As PP's have said any money not having to be spent in the supermarket can be spent on other things. I would go £200 on supermarket vouchers and £100 on Love2shop but I would try and subtlety check she uses Tesco though. Personally I don't like Tesco at all and find it expensive so would be grateful but frustrated with Tesco vouchers. Could you ask an open ended question in the group chat like where do people like to do their weekly or Christmas food shop? and then see if she replies saying where she shops.

I'd go with just Tesco, or Tesco and Amazon.

I think I've had Love to Shop vouchers (the ones that include quite a few shops?) and found them surprisingly hard to use, because they were mostly places I don't shop at or need anything from. I had to wait until we needed something that I could buy from one of them (then phone the local store to arrange to have my desired sale item put to one side, until I could collect it later, because you can't use them to pay online). I got a useful bargain in the end but it was a big faff.

Whereas supermarket vouchers are brilliant, because they displace real cash, in any week or month, that can be used for anything.

So nice

Prepaid debit gift card is the best option, can be used in person or online

@Mmn654123 that's exactly my plan

@LauraBassi

That money was for her to spend on what she needs.

There was no conditions on people donating money and tbh it would really piss me off if some one decided - off their own back to buy vouchers with it.

Tesco is expensive to some people and she might prefer somewhere cheaper.

Just give her the money. She’s an adult. It’s actually really controlling for you to decide where she can spend her money.

What are you talking about?

The collection was set up for a gift. Not for necessity.

And a variety of vouchers than can be used across the highstreet is not controlling . That's like saying giving a gift at christmas is controlling because it doesn't let an adult decide?

I think if one is going to feel like a charity case, you will whether it’s money or vouchers. Hopefully, she’ll just feel people cared. I’d make it as flexible as possible for her - so cash, loaded to a Visa card.

This is so lovely to read in these current times. I would be wary of sending cash via post. I think as suggested, a pre paid Visa or debit gift card is a good idea, as she can spend it as she chooses.

I would love it if you came back and let us know what her reaction was.

@LauraBassi there would be no money if I hadn't had the idea - which was to gift her, as a Thankyou, and make sure that she could afford some nice food for Christmas.
She is a vulnerable adult, whose mistaken
choices have led her daughter into harm.
I don't want to risk her safety by giving her a huge amount of money that some nasty person may take from her.
I didn't imagine it would be so much.

@Derelictwreck - there's always one xx

This is a good idea. Love2Shop & Tesco's. You're a lovely person Op.

@LauraBassi Love2Shop vouchers can be spent at Icelands too. So there's your cheaper alternative

Derelictwreck

The ‘gift’ shouldn’t come with strings. If people have raised money for her then it should be given to her as that. Money.

Has anyone actually ever been skint on this thread? That money could really help her out if she is skint as the OP mentioned she lived in a ‘high poverty’ area.. Yes she might be able to buy some Tesco fluffy slippers, some smellies and some Tesco finest canapés but I can guarantee shed prefer to make she she has plenty in the gas and electric or to pay an old bill off for piece of mind.

Also was the ‘learning disability’ supposed to allude to that she wouldn’t be able to handle cash?

The intent was lovely but it’s very controlling and patronising to decide where this gift ( from other people too) can be spent - especially if she lives in a ‘high poverty’ area.

People suggesting m&s or John Lewis- what planet do you live on? Seriously?

Why? Are poor people now allowed a little luxury?

I'm not saying its the most sensible option but its not risible.

not allowed

Beware of vouchers - it's increasingly difficult to get shops to take the Love 2 Shop vouchers, if the shops are still trading at all.

A few years ago we were really struggling financially ( and had been for years) and my work gave me £200 in John Lewis / Waitrose vouchers for Christmas.

I was overjoyed. I used half for extra-special Christmas food that we would have never been able to afford otherwise, and the other half I hung on to and used in the new year for regular shopping every now and again.

Perhaps someone could ask a general 'which is your favourite supermarket?' question on the chat, and see what this woman says.