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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't a nice thing to do to someone?

87 replies

Feelingdown9 · 17/11/2020 22:59

Maybe I'm being sensitive here...

I had a fwb for around three months with a man I've known for years. He was honest from the start and said that he wasn't ready for a relationship (which was fine at the time) but of course I developed feelings eventually which weren't reciprocated, fine. We decided to end things which was just over a month ago.

Tonight I was feeling a bit lonely and fancied some company so I sent him a message basically just saying "are you seeing anyone at the moment?" to which be replied with "maybe" and a photo attached of him and another woman displaying the peace sign (or possibly two fingers which could mean they were telling me to F off). I replied with a laughing face and wished him well, no reply from him.

Around 5 minutes later I received a Facebook request off the woman but she later deleted it before I had a chance to respond, which suggests he was showing her my Facebook page and taking the piss out of me.

I feel absolutely mortified and so embarrassed, but also feel this was quite a cruel thing to do to someone? I know I asked the question but he could of just said "yes I am seeing someone", no need for a picture at all. It also makes me feel awful as he told me many times he didn't want a relationship even though he is obviously dating her, which just makes me feel like I wasn't good enough.

I just feel so down. AIBU?

OP posts:
ilikebooksandplants · 17/11/2020 23:03

Eh, he probably just mentioned you as you text him and she was probably fb stalking you and accidentally sent a friend request and was mortified when she realised. I doubt he was taking the piss with her.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 17/11/2020 23:04

Yabu, who he has a relationship with is none of your concern, he was a Fwb and nothing else. Let is go, when he comes back to you for sex you know what to do.

Original poster
Feelingdown9 · 17/11/2020 23:07

Well they sent a picture of themselves either doing the peace sign or pulling two fingers (I can't really tell) to me so she knew I would see her face so I doubt she would be embarrassed over a friend request sent by accident.

OP posts:
CorianderLord · 17/11/2020 23:08

He probably just got asked who had texted and he explained you were an old flame and she stalked you and accidentally added

CorianderLord · 17/11/2020 23:09

The photo could just be from his camera roll

Audreyseyebrows · 17/11/2020 23:09

Block!
He’s no longer a fwb (or even a friend). Get rid.

Original poster
Feelingdown9 · 17/11/2020 23:09

@GalaxyCookieCrumble I know it's none of my business wether or not he's in a relationship, I only asked first before being flirty and then he sent me that picture, which he really didn't have to do. He could of just said "yep I'm seeing someone now".

OP posts:
formerbabe · 17/11/2020 23:12

Like a pp said, the photo could have just been on his phone from before.

As for the fb request, I also agree he probably told her about you when he got the message, she fb stalked you and accidentally requested you.

He was a real git to send you the photo.

On the plus side, if it makes you feel better, I bet she's secretly wondering about you and what went on!

FredtheFerret · 17/11/2020 23:13

I think it's a bit of a dick thing to do to be honest.

My reaction would be to think lucky escape. What a wanker.

I'd block him now. He's shown he's not worth wasting any time on

KrisAkabusi · 17/11/2020 23:13

You're overthinking things. And if he's really just a fwb, you've no right to complain.

Original poster
Feelingdown9 · 17/11/2020 23:18

Thank you @formerbabe

I'm really not that bothered if he's seeing someone (it does make me feel like crap but it is what it is, I'm not in love with him or anything like that).

I just feel sending that photo was a bit nasty.
I'm not sure what difference it makes if it was taken now or before tbh.

OP posts:
RumpoleoftheBaileys · 17/11/2020 23:18

YANBU

At bloody all.

Block and move on. Good luck x

allthewaterinthetap · 17/11/2020 23:18

I would feel hurt too. Not sure if he meant it badly, but I would have interpreted it as you have and been a bit sad, so I understand.

ShinyGreenElephant · 17/11/2020 23:18

Sending the picture was a dick move but it was probably just from his camera roll, and she was probably having a snoop on her own and accidentally added you. More than likely hes mentioned you to make her jealous rather than they've been taking the piss, and its worked which is why she was snooping. Youre better off without him and so is she

SandyY2K · 17/11/2020 23:21

He sounds rather immature to respond as he did tbh.

Original poster
Feelingdown9 · 17/11/2020 23:22

Thank you @allthewaterinthetap I appreciate that. I'm just going to try and forget about it now.

OP posts:
babytum · 17/11/2020 23:23

He was a friend with benefits that she had feelings for. It was unnecessary to send a pic regardless if from his camera role or just taken. OP it was an insensitive and shit way to behave, he could’ve just said yes I’m seeing someone or not answered at all.
Speaks volumes about his lack of integrity and basic manners.
You’ve nothing to feel shit about although I can understand why you do. It wasn’t nice

BeesAnkles · 17/11/2020 23:26

I actually think that's pretty cruel and just shows you what a lucky escape you've had. It doesn't matter if you were only FWB, it's a question of basic respect especially as he knew you had feelings for him.

greyhills · 17/11/2020 23:27

@Feelingdown9

Well they sent a picture of themselves either doing the peace sign or pulling two fingers (I can't really tell) to me so she knew I would see her face so I doubt she would be embarrassed over a friend request sent by accident.
Peace sign - palm towards the receiver.

V-sign - back of the hand.

Original poster
Feelingdown9 · 17/11/2020 23:28

Thanks @greyhills ! Okay well I've just had another peak at the picture and he is pulling the peace sign and she is pulling two fingers so obviously telling me to F off. I don't even know the woman.

As a pp has said I think I've had a lucky escape.

OP posts:
Ickle37 · 17/11/2020 23:29

Is the ability to be kind on this totally lost?? God the first two comments were so horrid.
You know you need to delete him, dont you? Your boredom is palpable because you then came on here to tell us. Which is ok, everyone is bored.
This chap and new focus ( which will end in her feeling like you shortly) needs to be kicked to the kerb. Trust me, if you enjoy feeling like crap there are 1000's of options. Concentrate on a good one.
Ignore, and actually, sadly i predict in a week he will contact you. Don't give him anymore power. He is less than great, far less than. We all deserve the very minimum of great.

Enough4me · 17/11/2020 23:32

It was cruel, block him and her.
She was probably being nosy as she wondered why he wanted to send photos to an ex, I expect she's considering whether he's trustworthy now too!

NoProblem123 · 17/11/2020 23:32

Old photo
Making her/you jealous
Her stalking
Accidental request

In summary, block and move on, it’s reached it’s natural conclusion Wine

Leannethom85 · 17/11/2020 23:32

Bin him, block him and delete his number. He was sitting with another woman and his mentality is got another woman after me, show this new one I'm a sexy wanted male and decides to show off with her enabling it. Pair of childish immature bastards. Fk them. I know a male just like that, he will chase your tail when he's done with her, then do it again to you, and again and again . Don't let him do it to you again, let them take the piss says more about them that it does you.

TMIincoming · 17/11/2020 23:32

What makes you think they are having a relationship. She might be his new fwb, a photo of you with someone doesn’t make you a couple

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