To think this isn't a nice thing to do to someone?

[Feelingdown9]

Maybe I'm being sensitive here...

I had a fwb for around three months with a man I've known for years. He was honest from the start and said that he wasn't ready for a relationship (which was fine at the time) but of course I developed feelings eventually which weren't reciprocated, fine. We decided to end things which was just over a month ago.

Tonight I was feeling a bit lonely and fancied some company so I sent him a message basically just saying "are you seeing anyone at the moment?" to which be replied with "maybe" and a photo attached of him and another woman displaying the peace sign (or possibly two fingers which could mean they were telling me to F off). I replied with a laughing face and wished him well, no reply from him.

Around 5 minutes later I received a Facebook request off the woman but she later deleted it before I had a chance to respond, which suggests he was showing her my Facebook page and taking the piss out of me.

I feel absolutely mortified and so embarrassed, but also feel this was quite a cruel thing to do to someone? I know I asked the question but he could of just said "yes I am seeing someone", no need for a picture at all. It also makes me feel awful as he told me many times he didn't want a relationship even though he is obviously dating her, which just makes me feel like I wasn't good enough.

I just feel so down. AIBU?

He wouldn't have been taking the piss - he would have been showing off by showing her how good looking you are. That's why she had a stalk later and accidentally friend requested you.

He wouldn't have shown her a photo if you weren't hot.

Just forget about this a move on. It all sounds very immature.

He was an insensitive prick but you know who he is now so know to avoid him like the plague in future. I’d block both of them and forget about it.

Never really understood “fwb”. Using someone for sex, I call it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He doesn’t sound lovely.

Some of these responses blow my mind.

At best it was thoughtless to send you that photo (and worst downright cruel!) so of course you can be upset.

But, the photo isn't likely to be aimed at you in the way you've taken it; it'll be a recent one they've had taken.

Hopefully you can move on now and find someone who isn't thoughtless/a dick.

@flaviaritt

Never really understood “fwb”. Using someone for sex, I call it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ He doesn’t sound lovely.

I’m not sure using is the right word. The problem is people get tied up in the Screen and novels scenarios where the friends realise they are perfect for each other and it blossoms into a relationship. FWB is that, it’s transient it saves you having a string of break ups behind you and you move on when you find someone you do what invest energy with for a relationship. You have sex with someone you like you don’t have strings but you still enjoy a laugh and a conversation

He is clearly an absolute dick and a smug one at that. You are lucky you got out of that toxic situation. Do not talk to him again and definitely don’t get back involved if and when he breaks up with this woman. You can do so much better!!

Oh I feel for you, OP. And no, it wasn't at all nice, rubbing your face in it with that very much intentionally sent photo.

I had a fwb for quite a long time and yes, I developed feelings for him. But I was somehow able to compartmentalise those feelings, though it was hard initially. We continued until we didn't, to put it bluntly. It always ends a bit abruptly with a fwb. He moved on and had a baby with the woman who became his partner (all of this was well after our fwb antics). But to be honest, I definitely was like, "Why not me? Why wasn't I good enough to settle down and have the baby with?" Silly, silly questions like that did flood my silly, silly mind, but we can't help what we feel.
He never, ever rubbed my face in it though. He was reasonably gracious.
Block and delete. This guy is nasty, sending you a photo like that. What a dick. And as for her, get some pride, is what I'd tell her. It's not like she's the cat that got the cream. She's insecure and it shows. He's certainly shown you who he is!

A decent person wouldn't have done this. Consider yourself rid of someone it's worth being well rid of. He's taken himself out to the trash, good riddance!

Hey OP,

All you have is the text reply with 'Maybe', the picture of them together doing hopefully a peace sign and her adding you to FB....Then deleting her friend request. (In addition to past hurts when things didn't go how you had hoped).

You don't have the fully story. So all you can do is make assumptions.

It does appear as though He has played you well. His actions above have served to make you wonder about him. And him/her. Which will naturally make you second guess your decision and your self worth.

It all seems rather pointless on his part. I agree with previous posters. She as probably curious about you and stalking so the add may have been accidental.

In any case - I would let them crack on. Focus on something that makes you happy. Let her have him and don't give it another minutes through. You're time and energy is worth so much more more.

Delete . block. Move on x

I would have been very upset.

But reading your OP I wondered if they were going to ask if you’d like to join them. Ugh.

Just leave it alone / maybe he’s a jerk or maybe he didn’t mean it the way it comes across. Your feelings are totally normal. Good to just move on and get over him.

Glad you’ve realised you’ve had a lucky escape. Why is your self-esteem so low that you initiated contact after breaking up and knowing he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you?

Is the ability to be kind on this totally lost?? God the first two comments were so horrid.

The first two comments look quite harmless to me [shrug]

He sounds like a player and unpleasant prick. Rise above darling... and treat yourself to something lovely.. 💐💐💐

They sound like they deserve each other OP. Count it as a lucky escape

I wouldn’t take this personally OP.

Usually fwb know that the other person is going to be sleeping with other people too and are hopefully honest and open so I think he was just letting you know he’s with a girl at the moment. Obviously because you developed feelings everything is more heightened but I don’t believe either of them meant anything by it.

Block them both

She saw his phone flash with the message, sent the photo, stalked you on Facebook and accidentally requested. I would put money on it. You should be flattered she thinks you’re a threat.

That was a really horrible thing for him to do. He’s shown his true colours so you’ve had a lucky escape.
I hope you are ok and I’m sorry you are feeling lonely. Things will get better 💐

@Regularsizedrudy

She saw his phone flash with the message, sent the photo, stalked you on Facebook and accidentally requested. I would put money on it. You should be flattered she thinks you’re a threat.

This!!! It was her.

Either way, find yourself a new nicer guy

Block him and be glad the relationship didn't develop into anything. He's clearly not worth the headspace.

Wow, what an awful thing for him to have done! Gloating and showing off his new gf, and trying to make you feel jealous. Or 9erhaos there was an overlap between the two of you and he was showing off to her that it's over. Either way, it's extremely unpleasant behaviour.

At least you only knew him for 3 months!

@ilikebooksandplants

Eh, he probably just mentioned you as you text him and she was probably fb stalking you and accidentally sent a friend request and was mortified when she realised. I doubt he was taking the piss with her.

100% this is what happened

Actually i reckon a pp might have it right...she saw the message from you and sent the photo and accidentally friend requested you while looking at your profile.

He might not even know you messaged him