To think this isn't a nice thing to do to someone?

[Feelingdown9]

Maybe I'm being sensitive here...

I had a fwb for around three months with a man I've known for years. He was honest from the start and said that he wasn't ready for a relationship (which was fine at the time) but of course I developed feelings eventually which weren't reciprocated, fine. We decided to end things which was just over a month ago.

Tonight I was feeling a bit lonely and fancied some company so I sent him a message basically just saying "are you seeing anyone at the moment?" to which be replied with "maybe" and a photo attached of him and another woman displaying the peace sign (or possibly two fingers which could mean they were telling me to F off). I replied with a laughing face and wished him well, no reply from him.

Around 5 minutes later I received a Facebook request off the woman but she later deleted it before I had a chance to respond, which suggests he was showing her my Facebook page and taking the piss out of me.

I feel absolutely mortified and so embarrassed, but also feel this was quite a cruel thing to do to someone? I know I asked the question but he could of just said "yes I am seeing someone", no need for a picture at all. It also makes me feel awful as he told me many times he didn't want a relationship even though he is obviously dating her, which just makes me feel like I wasn't good enough.

I just feel so down. AIBU?

Maybe he just sent you a recent photo that was already on his phone? She was probably stalking you to find out who it was texting him and sent the request by mistake (hence the deletion), possibly he was sitting next to her when received so had to show her? Don’t give it any more headspace, block them both, head up, you’re moving on with your life!

This is why 'fwb' is a lovely fancy 'cool' idea but in reality it doesn't quite happen like that. Especially for women. I feel for you. That's really hurtful. Swallow your humiliation delete his number and chalk it down to experience. Perhaps 'fwb' isn't your kind of 'dating' after all (it wouldn't be for me) nice idea but the reality is different

Another thought - they are in a LTR, but were keeping it quiet, he now has to justify you as someone chasing him rather than his affair?

What a wanker. They sound about 15. Doesnt matter if its an old pic, its still a shitty thing to do.
Don't give it another thought OP. He sounds like an immature prick. No loss there.

Okay well I've just had another peak at the picture and he is pulling the peace sign and she is pulling two fingers so obviously telling me to F off. I don't even know the woman.

But if its just a pic off his phone it's not you personally she is giving the finger to. There are tons of pics of me probably like that. Always directed at the person taking the picture.

Delete, block, move on.

Why do I feel like it wasn’t him that replied...I feel like it was his girlfriend/ partner his now seeing. And she then found you on Facebook and probably was browsing your profile and possibly accidentally added you then unfriended before you would notice

It’s shitty though. C*nts

Lucky escape op, not a nice thing for him to do, completely unnecessary. Hold your head high and be happy you’re not still shagging the loser x

@Leannethom85

Bin him, block him and delete his number. He was sitting with another woman and his mentality is got another woman after me, show this new one I'm a sexy wanted male and decides to show off with her enabling it. Pair of childish immature bastards. Fk them. I know a male just like that, he will chase your tail when he's done with her, then do it again to you, and again and again . Don't let him do it to you again, let them take the piss says more about them that it does you.

Sums it up nicely

I think he had more feelings for you than letting on and it hurt him you called it aday so now he's trying to get back at you there was no need to send you a pic block him and move on atleast you now know what type of person he really is.

very lucky escape
very odd to send a picture
agree he's trying to make you jealous
his new GF sound like she's already jealous of you for some reason
he's playing you both off against each other

Palm facing camera peace sign , back of hand facing camera - eff you

Also please raise the bar for yourself. When you admitted you had feelings and he admitted he didn't and it ended and you hinted with your message you were bored and lonely and would have been up for a session. It makes me feel a little sad for you. Ir makes you a little vulnerable to him. He'd be wrong if he had of come over knowing you had feelings for him. That'd be taking advantage. I really feel for you with being 'humiliated' I doubt they were taking the piss but certainly don't engage with him any further and give him reason to. You're in a position to be taken advantage of imo. Please don't ever contact him again. He clearly has utterly no regard for your feelings. He knows it would have hit a nerve. You say it didn't... But I bet it did.

You've had a lucky escape from someone who wasn't worth your affections! He's not worth another thought.

It’s a thoughtless thing for him to do but it isn’t possible to know if he was doing it to be nasty or not. When you developed feeling for him did you think he was a nice person?

Thank you all for your kind comments. I feel a bit better now and will just try to forget about it and move on.

@MoreLikeThis yes, I've always thought he was a nice person up until tonight.

If he wasn't ready for a relationship a month ago, he isn't ready now trust me.
Either they are just friends or FWB. The picture was taken to make you feel jealous clearly.

Run for the hills now.

[quote Feelingdown9]@MoreLikeThis yes, I've always thought he was a nice person up until tonight. [/quote]
If that’s the case then isn’t it more likely he has just been thoughtless. I wouldn’t assume the worse if I were you.

Interesting comment above from PP who suggested it might have been her that replied. That would explain the photo - especially if it's an old one from the camera roll. And you say he's previously seemed like a nice guy.

From the details you've given it doesn't sound like the photo was taken as a response to your message. Unless it's her that's responded to your text, it's not telling you to fuck off. That's the only part where I think you're maybe being a bit sensitive.

But sending a photo - if indeed that was him - is shitty and unnecessary.

Also, the fact that she doesn't mind showing her face in the photo is TOTALLY different from accidentally sending a friend request when you're trying to secretly stalk someone's profile. I bet she's mortified that she accidentally did that and is praying you didn't notice. Daft bint. That should give you some consolation.

Sounds like your response to the photo was dignified and classy. Keep it going, you did well. And if he ever comes back for some fun in the future, I'd be sure to be detached, cool and aloof. Lucky escape. He's a dick.

Blocking is an excellent idea but I'm crap at doing that so it'd be hypocritical of me to suggest the same. But it would be a good idea.....

My first thought was that she definitely sent it and was on his phone. But I’m a cynical old hag so I could be reaching 😅

@KrisAkabusi

You're overthinking things. And if he's really just a fwb, you've no right to complain.

She has a right 'to complain' that someone's treating her badly. No matter how she knows them!!

He's a dick. He's probably told her you're some obsessed ex like these loser men do which is why she'll be smug.
She'll be less smug in a few months time when he treats her like shit and tells the next 'lucky' lady his patter.

It's all ego nonsense.

These arrangements never really work out. Someone always gets hurt.
Let it go.

don't get into these kind of situations again. they're no good.
regard it as a lesson learned.
occupy yourself with something else.

I will never be convinced that fwb is a good idea, precisely because of this type of thing. Chances are too high that one of the people either has feelings or will develop them and/or that someone is being used.

In your place, I'd never contact him again and just assume that you were wrong about him. He's not a nice guy, not even a mediocre friend. But I'd take it a step further and not try the fwb thing again, since you've seen where it all too often leads.