Family spat over doctor childcare

[TheLiarTheWitchAndTheLovechild]

NC as outing. One of my extended family members has kicked up a fuss on social media implying I am endangering the country and our mutual elderly relatives such as my grandparents. They say my parents should stay at home and not visit our home regardless of the reason.

I am a doctor working in geriatrics. I treat some covid patients. I have an 8 month old baby who is breastfed, I express with portable breast pumps at work. My husband works mostly from home but regularly needs to take long business day trips to rural areas. He is our main source of income, and self-employed. We could not afford to live in our house on my salary alone. I believe it is my duty to work as a doctor during the pandemic despite my young baby.

My parents live 3 hours away from our house. Every 2 weeks one or both of them will stay for a few nights to look after baby DC. It would not be possible for them to take her away to their house for days at a time. They are fit and healthy, early 60's, and were aware of the risks to themselves before they offered to help look after DC. We consider ourselves a bubble as they do not visit anyone else in the family or socialise in person any way, and abide rigidly by the covid guidelines. We believe nursery would put a greater number of people at risk of contact with me, and for various options have opted for this method of childcare.

The government guidelines I believe to be on my side, that I may use any childcare I choose that enables me as a doctor to get to work.

It has really upset me that I am working so hard whilst trying to care for my baby to hear these accusations. I believe we are doing the right thing but I would like to know from the hive mind of mumsnet:

AIBU??

YANBU. I suggest you block and forget about your shit-stirring relative who hasn’t even got the balls to raise this with you directly.

Ignore!

How can you be endangering your grandparents if your bubble doesn't see them?!

How dare you work and show commitment to your job / patients?!?! Back in the real world then l say crack on and ignore them. Your parents gave a tongue in their heads so can say if they are unhappy. Let me guess the interfering person is laying no blame at your husbands door?

Well first all this person is BU to start a spat on social media. So I would block them for that alone.

Secondly they are an 'extended' family member, so I would go NC with them for starting a spat on social media.

Although, I don't think you can be in a bubble if your mum and dad live together. Unless doctors have more leeway?

Who looks after your baby when you’re working when you parents are not visiting? Or is this this only time you work?

Not judging, just trying to get more detail.

Block and ignore ...

Tell them to fuck off. My in laws collect my children from school once a week to enable us to work, (also hospital based). They also want to do this.

Unfollow and ignore.

I have a friend who is an ICU nurse. Her DM does their childcare when her 2 DC aren’t at school. They have formed a childcare bubble. Everyone involved is an adult who can make their own decisions.

It's up to your parents what they choose to do.

Ooh, unanimous at the time of writing. Very usual for AIBU.

YANBU.

Informal childcare for essential workers is an exemption. You’re doing nothing wrong OP and fair play to you for being at work when you could stay off longer, that doesn’t sound easy.

Christ I was expecting you to say they were in their 80s. If they're fit and well in their 60s, and following the rules, she can whistle.

Also as others have said, anyone airing their families dirty laundry (or clean in this case!) on Facebook is a bell end anyway.

I just want to say thank you for going to work in your hospital and caring for our elderly in these awful times while you could still be on maternity leave. You are clearly very dedicated.

Ignore, or block if you can, that nasty piece of work relative.

Without saying who they are, is this a relative who's in a sulk because your parents aren't available for free childcare for them now? Ignore them.

People who are fit and active in their early 60s are 'elderly'?

Your parents (despite apparently being 'elderly') are not ga ga and can make their own decisions.

I am guessing someone is jealous of the childcare?

Ignore

The amount of energy people spend on blaming each other for this pandemic and over policing other people's private lives would be much more effectively used lobbying the government for effective strategies and resources FFS.

@BikeRunSki My husband does the childcare if my parents aren't there. He gets up at 5am to do 2 hours before baby wakes and tries to fit in the rest when she naps. For shorter site visits he takes her with him in the car and does nappy/bottle of expressed milk in the back seat.

Do what you need to do for you. You are all adults and able to risk assess and make your own decisions.
Anyone judging can go whistle. Who do they think they are?
Congrats on baby!
Well done for hanging in there in medicine. It's tough work and you are inspirational. What an achievement to get as far as you have and when your child is older they will quite rightly be incredibly proud of you. Get ready for the toddler years when they will tote a doctor's bag around and proudly announce 'my mum helps people in a hospital'
It's worth it.
Sending love.

Sorry, I can't get beyond the thought of a white-coated Dr. Childcare covered in a family's goz.

I'll get my coat.

I suggest you direct them to read about the childcare bubble, to be used in exactly these circumstances.

I would be livid OP.

How close a relative is this?

I would be very tempted to respond either publicly (if I was feeling vindictive!) or privately, with much of what you have written here. You would get the same support from friends and family on FB as you have done on here I suspect and the poster would be shamefaced.

I suspect he/she is too cowardly to contact you directly, preferring to use FB to make insinuations. They may even backtrack and say you have misunderstood their comments. I would have to respond in some form.

You and your parents have no one to answer to but yourselves. Thank you for the service you are giving to those who need it in this awful time.

@RuggerHug no this person has grown up children. But did say they were doing their bit to protect the country by not seeing their children/grandchildren.

I know I shouldn't be bothered by it but I just am. It feels like such a slap in the face. DH and I are trying so hard to be good parents, and to do the right thing in this god awful situation (for everyone), and I could have taken much longer maternity leave but decided to work because I feel I had a duty to.

We're just as knackered as all the other parents of babies this age, and with this criticism it just really got to me.

OP how veiled was it? Are you sure it was directed at you or could you be overthinking it? Could it just be a general statement?

It wasn't very veiled. It happened immediately after a direct accusation on a family video call... which they then decided to leave.

I'm confused. How are you endangering your elderly grandparents?