Can't bring myself to speak to dp

[ghosty1]

Had an argument with dp on Saturday morning and it's still going on now. I hate living in an atmosphere but I just can't bring myself to speak to him.

He was a proper wanker on Saturday and said something really nasty to my dd because he was in a bad mood. However I see this as no excuse and until he apologises to dd I don't see how I'm going to be able to move on from this and hold my head high as mother who protects her child.

I tried on Saturday a few times to speak to him but he just sulked on the sofa all day refusing lunch and dinner like a big baby man child and I find it highly unattractive and immature.

I carried on with the kids like normal, took them out for dinner to get away from him. He didn't eat a thing on Saturday and by his own choice slept on the sofa.

Sunday rolls around and he gets up at 12:30 and we don't speak at all until he says he's going to Asda to get the weekly food shop. Comes back with some bits we can probably scrape one or two dinners from. He cooks dinner. Moans at dd again for 'looking at her plate funny' she's there like 'what have I done wrong' I told her to just ignore it and I sat trying to chat with her. Ignoring him (not that he was speaking to me.) He then says he's going to cook dinners while he's wfh.

I know he thinks all this is helpful and it is however I can't get past what he said to dd. I feel like such a mug if I went and spoke to him to try and patch things up again plus I believe it would all be in vain anyway as I don't see him saying sorry to dd which is what I need to happen. But I can't live in this horrible atmosphere for much longer. And it's not fair on the kids either. But I don't see him ever coming to me to sort it out so how long are we going to live like this. So fed up I just don't know what to do.

I’m like you OP and get overwhelmed by mess and stuff and struggle to make a start but... I do have a very understanding and supportive DH.

He understands that neatness and tidying is something I’m not so good at and will tidy and organise my things into small piles for me to sort through. I sort the clothes washing and load the machine whilst he takes care of drying and putting it away. I do the majority of cooking because he’s a crap cook but he’s in charge of getting DC a simple breakfast and getting ready for school. He also did 80% of homeschooling during lockdown and supervising homework.

I think because of your upbringing you’ve allowed yourself to accept low standards in partners, but it doesn’t have to be like that.

I met DH when I was in my 30’s after breaking up with my ex and I had learnt to manage alone very successfully so I wasn’t actively looking for a partner. DH was a widower and was also coping fine alone but we met and just clicked. He’s definitely the Yin to my Yang and we share a similar sense of humour.

You sound amazing OP, running a business from home as well as looking after the children so don’t put up with his lazy ways.

You deserve so much better!!

Every abusive man says the same old tripe "I'm going to take the children from you" YOU are their primary caregiver and he couldn't hack one week of being a full time Dad and working ESPECIALLY since he's a lazy piece of shit. Get a solicitor and get the ball rolling and away from the bastard

He is abusive.

@ghosty1, a man who can’t be bothered to look after his dc for the evening is unlikely to look after them full time.

Also don’t believe you have failed. You have a partner who is failing at been a decent human being and father. That’s not your responsibility

So sorry to read your posts OP. He is really NOT a nice man, he's just slightly less shitty than your parents and ex. You deserve much much better and I hope you find the strength to leave him and build a happy home for you and your DC

How can you consider staying with someone you know likes that you are struggling ?