To wonder how many people truly want Christmas to be "saved"

[IrkedEssex]

I am no fan of lockdowns and would rather we were not locked down for Christmas. But I think it would be a crying shame if all the privations everyone has suffered are reduced in their efficacy due to a desire to "save" Christmas. Such a move might well involve stricter restrictions in the lead up or aftermath. I am also wondering how many people, in all honesty, absolutely love spending Christmas Day with family.

Most people I know find it at least as much duty as pleasure; traipsing half way across the country to crowd in with relatives, family arguments, restive children, huge expense yada yada yada. In my family it is the older generations who drive the togetherness aspect of it, but they then get the most tantrum-y and ill-tempered. Most people I know mainly love the lead up to Christmas with the fun and the parties and the decorations. Well, we can decorate to our hearts' content and there won't be fun and parties in December no matter which way you look at it. Gifts can be sent. So is it really worth fixating on Christmas togetherness? I'm totally prepared to be in the minority here; am genuinely interested in how others feel about this.

YABU - I and my family love to be together on Christmas Day and are desperate for it to be saved, even if it means stricter restrictions either side of the day itself.

YANBU - Christmas Day gatherings are mostly a hassle at the best of times and it is not worth prejudicing lockdown progress by lifting restrictions purely to save Christmas.

Tbh half of you lot 'complying' sound like Christmas haters or relieved not to be having people you think of as a nuisance over, or not having to run around to see everyone.
Secretly pleased rather than a sacrifice.

Christmas Day itself is no change here, we always are just the three of us.

But, I do miss the run up to it. I miss browsing through the shops, seeing the displays, buying something in persons instead of online, going to a carol service, meeting with friends, going places.

None of this will happen, even if they open the shops again the chances are we are stuck to our original Tier and that means no meeting friends as families as we are all over 6 in total.

I also feel for friends in the hospitality trade, they are serious fed up and in danger of loosing jobs. You can support a restaurant or cafe by getting take away but you can't support your local B&B or hotel.

@Zenithbear

Tbh half of you lot 'complying' sound like Christmas haters or relieved not to be having people you think of as a nuisance over, or not having to run around to see everyone. Secretly pleased rather than a sacrifice.

That’s true, it’s hardly a sacrifice for the greater good if you think it’s all shit anyway! I always wonder at people’s complete lack of backbone... if you hate doing it all, don’t do it. Why does it take a pandemic for you to stop doing things you hate?

I think for people who live alone it would be so great if they were able to go to someone so they wouldn’t be alone on Christmas Day. However, those who are living alone are presumably already in a support bubble if they have that option. But other than that I’m really not arsed about ‘saving’ Christmas. As others have said a big extended family occasion shouldn’t be the goal this year.

@Zenithbear

Tbh half of you lot 'complying' sound like Christmas haters or relieved not to be having people you think of as a nuisance over, or not having to run around to see everyone. Secretly pleased rather than a sacrifice.

Can’t argue with that.

Wow. Huge response and the result took me somewhat by surprise as I expected the vote to be closer, if not skewed the other way a bit.

I've read through the entire thread and it's been interesting to see what thoughts people have on the subject. And really nice to have a Covid related thread that doesn't descend into total bickering in spite of the variety of views.

Thanks all.

Lockdown fine if you live with your kids
Lockdown is awful if you get on with your kids but live apart

This. It’s the only time of the year our four are all together in the same room.

If you hate doing it all, don’t do it. Why does it take a pandemic for you to stop doing things you hate?

^This. It really isn't compulsory to make a huge song and dance about Christmas. Lots of people do it pretty low-key.

I think it's unfair to call those of us who are quietly relieved spineless. We all do things for other people we love, which maybe aren't what we would prefer ourselves. We get up in the middle of the night for small babies. We play the same games with young children over and over again. We put on a good Christmas for elderly relatives. Why? Because we love them, know it makes them happy, and it's part of the 'glue' that makes families work. Just having one year 'off' means we might get a much needed rest. That's particularly welcome at a time when many of us have been working very long hours for a very long time: nurses, doctors, care workers, teachers. We're all knackered.

@Snowdrop30

I think it's unfair to call those of us who are quietly relieved spineless. We all do things for other people we love, which maybe aren't what we would prefer ourselves. We get up in the middle of the night for small babies. We play the same games with young children over and over again. We put on a good Christmas for elderly relatives. Why? Because we love them, know it makes them happy, and it's part of the 'glue' that makes families work. Just having one year 'off' means we might get a much needed rest. That's particularly welcome at a time when many of us have been working very long hours for a very long time: nurses, doctors, care workers, teachers. We're all knackered.

Yes maybe you’re right, it is a bit harsh. But I’m so sick of reading ‘yeah I hope we’re still in lockdown so I don’t have to traipse 4 hours to see the in laws that I despise’, etc. Rather than wishing for a scenario that will makes things shit for vast numbers of people who do things they enjoy at Christmas, surely it would be better to work on your own boundaries?

@WhoopsSomethingWentWrong I'm not sure what it would mean to 'work on my boundaries' with parents and other elderly relatives in their 80s and 90s. They can't host themselves - they are far past that point. They don't live nearby. One was widowed a couple of years ago, and is still struggling with grief. They would be alone on Xmas Day if we didn't drive hundreds of miles, rent a house and do the honours. So... It's just one of those things you do for family isn't it? If I could, I would still make that choice, for them. That's not spineless, or lacking boundaries, it's just...love. Kindness. And yeah, duty. I feel bad that I cannot be with them this year - bit as I can't do anything about that, we may as well look for a silver lining.

[quote Snowdrop30]@WhoopsSomethingWentWrong I'm not sure what it would mean to 'work on my boundaries' with parents and other elderly relatives in their 80s and 90s. They can't host themselves - they are far past that point. They don't live nearby. One was widowed a couple of years ago, and is still struggling with grief. They would be alone on Xmas Day if we didn't drive hundreds of miles, rent a house and do the honours. So... It's just one of those things you do for family isn't it? If I could, I would still make that choice, for them. That's not spineless, or lacking boundaries, it's just...love. Kindness. And yeah, duty. I feel bad that I cannot be with them this year - bit as I can't do anything about that, we may as well look for a silver lining.[/quote]
I meant the collective ‘you’, not you personally. I have no idea about individual people’s circumstances.
If you’re quietly relieved then fab for you. Have a brilliant Christmas.

I get it, and I don't mean to sound chippy! (Exhausted teacher here) I just want to make the pont that there will be a lot of women, typically 50 plus, for whom Xmas is about making sure that older relatives have a nice time, and feel loved, wanted and part of the family. Of course, these are people we love, so it generally end up being a good experience (even if you have the odd difficult relative with dementia or something). But it is also a tonne of hard work, both physically and emotionally. Lots of people are just feeling so 'spent' right now, so please don't look down on us.

@VinylDetective

Lockdown fine if you live with your kids Lockdown is awful if you get on with your kids but live apart

This. It’s the only time of the year our four are all together in the same room.

Lockdown is awful with kids as I am just not designed to spend 24/7 with DD. So glad when schools opened again.

We all need our own space and time alone, being forced together for months on end was a nightmare.

@hartof

I'm from a big family (5 children, 2 of us have husbands and there is one grandchild) so Xmas day is a big event in our family and always lots of fun. But this year I have found myself wishing we would have a very strict lockdown meaning we would have our very first Xmas in our house just us 3.

It won't happen, even if we're not allowed to meet with others. My parents love having us all there and would be heartbroken not to. My DC says it would be boring just to be at home 🙄 I have managed to reduce the amount of time we would all spend together over the period so that's something.

Oh wow, I have to say, I do feel for you. I would be so pissed off with this. And my (2) kids (now grown) used to LOVE Christmas with just them, and me, and DH. We would go see our folks every second year, and then spend every second year at home, and see no-one between 23rd and 27th December. Our kids LOVED it.

They liked seeing their grandparents and cousins/aunts/uncles on Christmas day too, but loved it with just the 4 of us, just a little bit more. Also, we see them circa 20th/21st-ish of December, when we are not seeing them 23rd to 27th December...

And as I said earlier in the thread, I don't get this obsession with seeing everyone Christmas day! (Or even worse, people STAYING 3 or 4 days over Christmas shudder! ) I just don't get it.

Maybe it's tradition, for some, but times change. Many people (under 55 especially,) work a lot of hours, and have busy lives, and just want a bit of peace with their own immediate family.

In addition, lots of people used to live within a mile or two of their extended family some 40+ years back, but now many families are split between towns and cities, and even countries, and it's a major chore to have to travel, and stay with family (or have them staying with you.)

When I was a kid, all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and grandparents, lived within the same square 2 miles, and we would all pop in and see each other during the morning - everyone would congregate at granny's house, and we would all go back home for lunch at our own homes.

And then a few of us would meet at the local pub for an hour or 2 in the evening, or on Boxing day, and walk home... Then we ALL met up on New Year's Eve, and had a big New Years Eve party at someone's house - usually one of the uncles.. or one of the grandparents.

Life seemed so much more simple and easy then. Christmas seems to cause so much more stress these days.

AND it seems more expensive. (For some.) I know a woman who has 3 kids (age 5 to 11,) who spent FOUR THOUSAND POUNDS on Christmas last year. On food, booze, and Christmas gifts for the kids, and a dozen family members.

Some parents are very demanding. I will never be like that with my kids. They have both said they want Christmas with just them and their DP a couple of times, this past 5-6 years, and that's cool.

We see them 21st-22nd December, and then again around the 28th December. In addition, we tell the extended family that we're having Christmas with just the 2 of us, and will see them around 21st December. Then it's just me and DH from around 22nd December to 28th December.

We are due to have our kids (and their partners) around this Christmas, but only time will tell if that is going to happen.

It’s just enforced jollity.

@Toilenstripes

I don’t care but I’m tired of the idea that Christmas can be cancelled. No it can’t! It’s bigger than that!

This.

Mh Christmas may be different to the one I've had the past few years.

Which was different to the ones I had before that, and the ones before that etc.

It's a day that revolves in how I celebrate.

It'll also happen even if it's different.

We really, really need to visit with grandparents over the Christmas period. I dont care about it being Christmas Day or having our usual big family get together but we do need to see them in person, hug them, spend time with them. I'd happily self isolate for a month either side of the period to make that happen (in reality we only need to self isolate for 2 weeks first as they're all shielding).

It’s not enforced jollity- I love hosting a big family Christmas. I count the days until their flights arrive. It’s never stressful as everyone helps out and no one has the sole responsibility for it. Not everyone has their family local to them or even in the U.K.

Sometimes it needs an 'event' for people to make the effort to all get together. As well as occasional Weddings and Christenings there is Christmas once a year.

Christmas for us is my DPs and PIL both coming together to sing round the piano, play board games and laugh a lot. None of us really care about the presents and food. The joy and memories are from family being together.

PIL are in their 80s and my DPs are mid 70s so who knows how many more precious Christmases we'll have together.

So yes, it is very upsetting to have it taken away.

Personally I’d welcome a simple Christmas. I’ve been travelling home every year for as long as I can remember and though it’s great to see my family’s faces I certainly wouldn’t miss being top to toe in tailbacks for once.
I often see the other drivers faces and I’d bet they say the same tbh

My Christmas will be going ahead as normal. They can put in restrictions and fine me for it. My mum is undergoing emergency tests for lung cancer this week. We lost my aunt to it at 49 just 3 months after being diagnosed. With our family history it's highly likely. Bare in mind my nan had a cancer so rare it's a billion to 1 you will get this type. Yet 2 of her 3 siblings also had it. If my mum want Christmas with her grandkids she's going to get it as it could be their last.

I'd happily self isolate for a month either side of the period to make that happen (in reality we only need to self isolate for 2 weeks first as they're all shielding).

I would, too. Unfortunately, the Government needs me to be in work, with no SD and no PPE, in front of a class of well over 30, until 18th December....

I do. Christmas is part of my faith.
I live around 650 miles from my family.
I've spoken to nobody in person this year except shop assistants, taxi drivers and ppl at medical appointments.

A year ago the few friends i had fell out with me as i did not visit a widowed friend. I was not able to attend as I had been admitted to a psychiatry ward and was not allowed off.
During lockdown I've not even had a text to ask if I'm ok. I'm desperate to move closer to my dads but money and a lack of job makes it difficult.

Anyways I'm single and live alone as does my dad. Im desparate to spend Christmas with him.

@Snowdrop30

I get it, and I don't mean to sound chippy! (Exhausted teacher here) I just want to make the pont that there will be a lot of women, typically 50 plus, for whom Xmas is about making sure that older relatives have a nice time, and feel loved, wanted and part of the family. Of course, these are people we love, so it generally end up being a good experience (even if you have the odd difficult relative with dementia or something). But it is also a tonne of hard work, both physically and emotionally. Lots of people are just feeling so 'spent' right now, so please don't look down on us.

God yes, this.

I'm so worn out after a year of trying to care for young kids and elderly parents alongside a busy job. I'm absolutely gutted that my PILs have asked to come and stay (if the rules permit it). They are such hard work, refuse to come for less than 72 hours, and I can't relax in my home when they're here judging every tiny little thing. At the moment I'm hoping that it won't be an issue and the rules will forbid it, but if not, honestly I'm contemplating developing a cough a couple of days before Christmas.