Responding to WhatsApp messages

[Indecentobsession]

When talking to a friend recently she mentioned her daughter (13) had problems with another girl in her class and that sometimes this came out in the class WhatsApp group chat. She showed me some of the messages which, imo opinion come from someone who considers herself a victim, and likes an argument. There were several times this girl actively initiated goady messages and of course with this age group they were responded to. My friend said sometimes she got so tense she wanted to answer the girl herself. She knows she needs to be the adult and this is a 13 year old girl but I can understand her frustration. It got me wondering if anyone had ever responded to messages sent to their kids? My friend is well aware of what is going on and keeping an eye on it so this isn't about that.

Haven’t had to worry about this sort of thing yet. And I don’t believe I would allow my child in a class WhatsApp group at 13.

I always remember the most effortlessly cool girl I knew shunned social media, I hope my children are strong enough to do the same. My kids are too young to be on WhatsApp and I can understand your friends rage, but in all honesty why let her be in the group in the first place, a class WhatsApp group is just asking for trouble!

I’ve been v tempted, but no.

I don't get it - why is a 13 year old posting into a WhatsApp group for class parents?

They are all in class whatsapp/snapchat/discord groups once in secondary, those with younger children saying they wouldn't allow it is not helpful as you havent experienced it all yet

I once replied when things got very bad. I wouldnt recommend doing it to be honest. Keep an eye, and keep conversation open about why people can react in angry or unhealthy ways, but more importantly keep talking about protecting themselves from it all. If that means not joining in with conversation, turning off notifications etc then so be it.

I have responded once for ds1. Just a simple “this is x’s mum please stop sending messages” but that wasn’t a group message
DS2 is nearly 13 and rarely engages in any of the WhatsApp groups he gets added to. In fact he often leaves them as the constant messaging drives him nuts. He doesn’t seem to care about being included in social media which is a relief

its a class WhatsApp group i.e. pupils rather than a parent one.

I understand what people are saying about being in the group at 13 but that's my friend's call. However, limiting them when others have access may be present more issues

@flaviaritt

Haven’t had to worry about this sort of thing yet. And I don’t believe I would allow my child in a class WhatsApp group at 13.

Unless they don't have a phone how would you stop it?

I haven't had the problem but can't think how you can stop someone joining a group

No, she shouldn't answer herself. Just tell her dd to ignore, ignore, ignore.

Unless they don't have a phone how would you stop it?

Tell them I don’t want them in a class WhatsApp group and regularly check the phone?

It’s v easy to stop them having WhatsApp, my DS, Year 7, doesn’t. My DD, who is older, does.

I've a message to all the parents of younger children on this thread saying 'I wouldn't let my 13yo dc on WhatsApp' this is one of those scenarios you don't have a clue about until you're there yourself. A bit like when non parents offer their advice on how to parent.

@flaviaritt

Unless they don't have a phone how would you stop it?

Tell them I don’t want them in a class WhatsApp group and regularly check the phone?

Unless you're literally sitting looking at the phone all the time though how do you stop the child installing it and taking it off when you arem't there?

@HelloDulling

It’s v easy to stop them having WhatsApp, my DS, Year 7, doesn’t. My DD, who is older, does.

Sorry to keep asking but how do you do it? Can you change a setting on the phone that stops it downloading?

I agree. I think from about Y6 when kids start to get mobiles ready for Y7 is when they start to make little chat groups. I would remove my child from the group and monitor their phone more closely. I would also talk to the school who might encourage the group to shut down. Especially if it is bullying they should have a school policy on it .

My DC can’t install any app without me approving it. If they want to download something, the AppStore sends me a notification and I have to put my password in.

Unless you're literally sitting looking at the phone all the time though how do you stop the child installing it and taking it off when you arem't there?

I’m fairly sure you can make it so you have to approve their downloads.

I've a message to all the parents of younger children on this thread saying 'I wouldn't let my 13yo dc on WhatsApp' this is one of those scenarios you don't have a clue about until you're there yourself. A bit like when non parents offer their advice on how to parent.

You can think that. I don’t care. I think social media is a risk to young teenagers and would always be very clear with my DC on this front. No surprises, clear consequences.

Thank you for the replies. I feel for my friend and brace myself to face it if it happens to me. I'm not judging and you only know how you'll deal with it when you are there yourself

The minimum age for WhatsApp is actually 16 so I’m not sure why you are letting a 13 year old use it.

faq.whatsapp.com/general/security-and-privacy/minimum-age-to-use-whatsapp/?lang=fb

Whatsapp is just a messaging platform for sending free messages. Would these parents not allow their kids to text message, either? Ridiculous.
Snapchat, IG, etc I understand.

Whatsapp is just a messaging platform for sending free messages.

Bloody hell, it’s nice to have someone with some tech know-how for a change.

It’s a messaging platform, of course. And it suffers from all the usual issues associated with that: constancy, impulsivity, addictiveness, ease of access to bully victims, peer influence, risks of images and videos being shared etc.

So I will not have my 13 YO on it.

I’ve been very strict with internet access, but as they get older it’s more likely they will be communicating with friends online. A lot of secondary classes have whatsapp group chats. They can sometimes come in handy for sharing homework and making arrangements for lunchtime.

Even if your kid isn’t on WhatsApp, they can have group chats on games like Adopt Me and Roblox.

I’ve never responded, but I have helped my daughter compose messages and on my advice she’s blocked classmates.

I have once (during lockdown, when my daughter was really upset) messaged another mum and asked nicely if she would have a word with her DD and ask her not to message my DD. I didn’t give any reasons. She responded with ‘What’s she done now?’ so I take it I’m not the first mum to complain to her!

Flavia its not a social media platform though like many other things 13 years are on.
You can share things via text message. Better not let your child have a phone at all.

I think you should all stop derailing the thread. The op is looking for advice, not for you all to bring your judgement and fear over social media use and using your own initiative as a parent to not always stick to the ages on things!