Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He’s forfeited our support bubble to keep ex happy

131 replies

Nononoandno · 13/11/2020 10:25

I’m in a relationship with a guy and we both have an older teen each (both under 18yrs) we don’t live with each other, we are each other’s support bubble. His son has a girlfriend that he sees at college but is not happy about not being able to see her at weekends due to Covid rules. So the sons argument is why can his dad see me (sat nights) and he can’t see his GF. Also my partners ex wife is saying she won’t see her son while my partner see me and their son sees GF out of college. My partner has rolled over for an easy life and said he won’t see me if son doesn’t see GF, I only see him one day/night a week he’s said he shouldn’t see me this weekend due to what feels like to keep his ex and son happy! Is this relationship doomed (6 months in)... his son sits next to his GF at college mon-fri. Feel like his ex is pulling his strings, I know she’s jealous about us, due to things she’s said to my partner. Advice please

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 13/11/2020 12:18

the son sees is gf everyday at achool but want to see her at weekends too at the expense of you dp never seeing you

dont see how thats fair

TheDowagerDuchess · 13/11/2020 12:20

I think YABU

He’s right to put his son first.

This lockdown is probably going to end in a few weeks, so you can resume this very new relationship then.

Littlepaws18 · 13/11/2020 12:21

Run for the hills. The Bain of my life is my partners ex. Had I known how manipulative and selfish and destructive she was going to be I would never have been with him. It does get better but ONLY when he gets a backbone and starts making decisions that are right rather than are easy.

Audreyseyebrows · 13/11/2020 12:22

This is dating in lockdown.

I admire him. I think he’s done the right thing.

SecretSpAD · 13/11/2020 12:23

How ridiculous to think that a teenage romance (where they see each other every week day ffs) is more important than an adult relationship. I'd ditch him now OP. It's nothing to do with prioritising his son, it is a grown man pandering to a child and is frankly pathetic.

Find someone else who is worthy of you.

MrsMomoa · 13/11/2020 12:24

19CakeRequired

Welcome to the government's rules where kids can see hundreds of other kids in school, because covid knows not to infect loads of people at once of course, but as soon as it hits 4pm, that's when covid breaks all rules and will attack anyone, so they can only then see a set amount of people outside of school. Change set amount for whatever area you're in.

This!

The roolz are a load of nonsensical bollox!

RealBecca · 13/11/2020 12:27

Why does ex think son will catch covid on a Saturday??

Nah he's been a wet blanket and she is being manipulative.

He should explain to his ex that he is legally allowed to see you and its none of her business.

He should sit son down with his mum (on the phone or whatever) and explain that she has said she won't see him if he sees his college girlfriend at the weekend and he needs to make a choice based on that.

He should not even engage on the point about you and him. It's legal. She can fuck off.

Jroseforever · 13/11/2020 12:34

His ex owes you nothing
His son owes you nothing

HE is the person you are in a relationship with and HE has made this decision.

He’s not that bothered about seeing you. Simple as that. So yes, doomed I would say

SproutTime · 13/11/2020 12:35

Still not seeing in what way this 'admirably putting his son first'?

This is giving in to manipulation and selfishness by a 17 year old.

Simply doing what your child says because they said so isn't the equivalent of putting them first imo.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/11/2020 12:35

It's not really putting his son first, the son is being selfish, he already see's his g/f 5 days a week, what it is is allowing a teenager tell him what to do which is a lot different, as for the ex she's willing to cut off her nose to spit her face tbh, because she's clearly trying to cause problems in your relationship

flipperdoda · 13/11/2020 12:38

Out of interest, how long have son and gf been together?

StatisticallyChallenged · 13/11/2020 12:39

I think you would be better off giving up on this tbh. The ex and son seem pretty manipulative - sounds like ex has said "no seeing girlfriend", son has pulled the "but dad sees his girlfriend it's not fair wa wa" and rather than saying tough shit and what your dad does has nothing to do with me the ex has seen an opportunities to get one over on him.

Your dp should have refused and told his ex to do wtf she wants.

SproutTime · 13/11/2020 12:40

and this is a child well old enough to be expected to see things from someone else's POV but their own. Or at least have that explained to them and told no.

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/11/2020 12:41

Sounds more like the son isn't keen on his Dad dating you OP and is using this to put a stop to it. It may not be personal, he might not want his Dad dating anyone.

CakeRequired · 13/11/2020 12:42

It says a lot too that the father in this situation has the child staying with him full time. Dunno if that's always been the case, but I've only known that happen a few times and it's always because the mother doesn't give a shit basically. Hopefully it's not the case here, but as she is willing to not see her son or at least threaten to so that her ex doesn't see his girlfriend (op), then kind of says she is more interested in her own feelings than her sons.

Brown76 · 13/11/2020 12:42

I think YABU. Basically the ex has given their son a choice between seeing her or his girlfriend, if he continues to see you. Your partner has seen that this puts son in an unfair position and by agreeing not to see you has kept the peace for his sons benefit. He’s presumably thinking that as two grown adults you’ll be able to manage better than his teenage son at accepting the situation?

dontdisturbmenow · 13/11/2020 12:42

I agree with you OP. His kid who is not yet an adult is calling the shots and that's ridiculous.

It's not putting his son first. It would be if it was a case of him saying he couldn't see his son at all because he chose you.

What he issaying is that he can't see his girlfriend outside of college so that hisdad can continue with his adult relationship.

Since when are kids relationship more I portant than their parents?

Devlesko · 13/11/2020 12:44

I don't get why he is/ needs to put his sons feelings first?
He sees his gf at college. I can't believe why so many give in to a teens strop.

SproutTime · 13/11/2020 12:45

@Devlesko

I don't get why he is/ needs to put his sons feelings first? He sees his gf at college. I can't believe why so many give in to a teens strop.
It seems some people think putting their child first is the same as them never being told no.
Jroseforever · 13/11/2020 12:45

Look, teenagers can be selfish. Teenagers in first love can be very selfish.

It is the OP’s adult partner that has decided to listen to his teenager FGS!!

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 13/11/2020 12:46

People on here are a bit OTT about how long couples have been together. The OP didn’t ask how long she should be in her relationship before she gets an opinion or is permitted to call him her partner. My grandparents were happily married for 66 years after getting engaged six weeks from their first meeting FFS. I was engaged after six months myself. Plenty of others moved quickly and happily.

OP, you’re getting a raw deal here. I’d talk to your partner and see if a compromise can be reached. If not, it’s probably not worth the bother.

SproutTime · 13/11/2020 12:48

Yes, everyone knows teenagers can be selfish. I think people are taking issue with the fact that so many see this as OPs partner admirably putting his son first.

When in actual fact he's just given in to a selfish teenager tantrum. It's completely different.

My parents put me first in every single way that was important. I'd have been told no very quickly if I'd also tried to tell them they couldn't see who they wanted on a Saturday because someone I'd seen all week couldn't come over.

grapewine · 13/11/2020 12:49

He's made a decision to keep ex happy. It's not like the son never sees his gf. I'd be backing away - but for your own sake. You're not a priority to your bf. I wouldn't want that kind of relationship.

Keratinsmooth · 13/11/2020 12:57

In your shoes I would chill, it’s only a few weeks, we are in the strangest times, that noone could predict. Prepare an epic time once you see each other next, make him miss you during this time apart

MyCatHatesEverybody · 13/11/2020 12:59

Run, this man and his family's dynamic are not right for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread