Teen bedrooms -AIBU?

[tactum]

I have 2 late teenagers, boy & girl. Both seem to have similar levels of slovenliness. Now I'll admit I'm a bit of a neat freak (although not a clean freak), and there's many a time I'll just shut the door and sigh, but what is reasonable to expect?

• I ALWAYS have to ask them to bring cups and bowls down from thier bedroom - never proactively done
• clean piles of clothes don't get put away for weeks and then invariable end up being mixed up with dirty clothes and going through the wash
• endless make up/art marks on carpets
• wrappers etc shoved down the sides of beds

I could go on. Now I don't expect them to keep their room to my standards, much as I would love it! But I do think there is a point where it's about respecting the house you live in - and they both have beautiful large bedrooms with lovely things in, and lots of room for storage etc - and adhering to basic family levels of living.

AIBU to expect this? If not, what are your household's basic rules? And what do you let them get away with? Do you make them tidy it every weekend? Tell me, tell me! At the moment we just seem to wait until I get so cross, they sulk and the minimum gets done.

My teens always keep their rooms neat thank god as mine was a tip as a teen I had mouldy cups and all sorts. My kids rooms are neater than mine now and mines not a mess.

But yes op, they are infuriating. Mine need constant reminders.

Have 3 teens. No food or drink upstairs ever . Is that not really dirty ?? Crumbs on beds, food stains etc. And I would be terrified of mice !

Laundry is a problem. They do have to do it but we all share doing it and I have to make threats or take the X Box controller to get clothes put away. I mean how hard is it ????

No drugs, drinking, sex, truancy, fights, money trouble, but the rooms are a tip? You’re winning

^ This. If you've got all of the above and they are working hard for/at school then if their room is untidy then, well, so what?

Totally agree with @thelonggame - I don't need to stress about the fact someone else is sleeping in a pigsty.

@proudboomer - this isn't about boys thinking it is women's work. ^Both boys and girls tend to go through this stage, and all that is unread - no, I don't go looking for their washing or providing them with clean towels or picking up after them. Yes, all mine did all that up until they hit the wall at about 14 and then they were on their own. They lived like that for a couple or years or longer (when no-one picked up after them) and then came out the other side.

^I don't get the 'no food allowed in their room' thing.
We eat meals at the kicthen table, but they often take a mug up, or a late night snack when revising etc, seems a bit rigid not to allow that.^
Completely agree with @steppemum . We eat our meals in the kitchen, but I will often have a drink and maybe a biscuit when I am working or when I am watching a film or something - why shouldn't my dc be afforded the same privilege ? Especially as teens need to snack more than lardy arsed menopausal women.

I agree @KiposWonderbeasts - my dc are all pretty awesome, well rounded adults now, despite having had me "allow them" a couple or years of living in their own squalor as teens. I don't think a little autonomy, and learning the consequences of not picking up after yourself the hard way is a bad thing at all.

In my opinion, you teach your children when they are young to pick up their own stuff and look after what they have been given. Yes, but what has that got to do with this discussion ? All mine were taught to look after their things when they were little. All mine have always had (age appropriate) jobs to do to contribute to the household. All mine also fell off the wagon for a while over the rooms at some stage in their teens. What most of us are saying is it isn't a big deal in the scheme of things to let them understand that if they don't tidy up, their room becomes a mess. Obviously don't do it for them, but help them learn from it.

However I am one of those parents who believe that although it's their room, it's in my house and therefore I pop in several times a day and I ... move things. Tidy to my liking. They know anything left on the floor is fair game to be binned off I consider it to be rubbish
How intrusive. Do you not have any personal boundaries ?

I am really not worried about mice in my child's bedroom.

@LoisWilkersonslastnerve

You couldn't see my walls for posters as a teen. Or my floor for clothes. I'm a tidy and functioning adult now.

Around this time on a Friday I would have my LPs on full blast about to commence the huge 'getting ready to go clubbing' preparation. Trying every item of clothing on and discarding stuff on the floor finishing with clouds of Elnett hairspray. While eating my dinner at the dressing table.

Sparklingbrook your are my people! Brought back memories . I had that actual poster in my room. I remember counting that at some point in 1983 I had 147 Duran Duran posters on my walls - the daily maintenance with blu tack was far more important than tidying up! Oh how I used to love Smash Hits

@tactum

Sparklingbrook your are my people! Brought back memories . I had that actual poster in my room. I remember counting that at some point in 1983 I had 147 Duran Duran posters on my walls - the daily maintenance with blu tack was far more important than tidying up! Oh how I used to love Smash Hits

I loved Smash Hits too and No1 magazine. The Blu Tack thing was real, and IIRC I had little pink blobs of similar stuff called 'Buddies'. Maybe 4 walls of posters plus some on the ceiling took the eye away from the floordrobe.

I have a 16 and an 18 year old. My day went off n a school exchange to the US when’s he was 15 and when he came home he asked for a laundry bag and to do henceforth his own washing. His room is not great but is under control.
Dd’s room is dreadful and I tidy I think myself every weekend when she is out at an activity. I was equally slovenly but have metamorphosed and I can’t stand it. I know I am teaching her nothing but at least I can close the door for six days of the week.

@Sparklingbrook

I think you have to have a teenager to appreciate these situations. Picking your battles and all that.

This.

If mine did his own washing we would just have half loads on all the time. I do a full clothes load every four days (just the two of us). He does an equal share of putting the washing out and puts his own washing away.

Yes, I tell DS2 to stick his washing in the laundry basket and I put a wash on. But do not be alarmed he knows how to work the washing machine if I wanted him to do it.