Teen bedrooms -AIBU?

[tactum]

I have 2 late teenagers, boy & girl. Both seem to have similar levels of slovenliness. Now I'll admit I'm a bit of a neat freak (although not a clean freak), and there's many a time I'll just shut the door and sigh, but what is reasonable to expect?

• I ALWAYS have to ask them to bring cups and bowls down from thier bedroom - never proactively done
• clean piles of clothes don't get put away for weeks and then invariable end up being mixed up with dirty clothes and going through the wash
• endless make up/art marks on carpets
• wrappers etc shoved down the sides of beds

I could go on. Now I don't expect them to keep their room to my standards, much as I would love it! But I do think there is a point where it's about respecting the house you live in - and they both have beautiful large bedrooms with lovely things in, and lots of room for storage etc - and adhering to basic family levels of living.

AIBU to expect this? If not, what are your household's basic rules? And what do you let them get away with? Do you make them tidy it every weekend? Tell me, tell me! At the moment we just seem to wait until I get so cross, they sulk and the minimum gets done.

I meant!

I have a 22 year old and a 13 year old and I don't allow food or drinks upstairs - water excepting. I turn a blind eye to the odd bottle of Coke.

However I am one of those parents who believe that although it's their room, it's in my house and therefore I pop in several times a day and I ... move things. Tidy to my liking. They know anything left on the floor is fair game to be binned off I consider it to be rubbish

As a result, both rooms are immaculate, clean and fresh - bed always made, cushions plumped, hoovered every other day.

It's unlikely I'll change after all this time 😂

And absolutely no posters!!! Both have a picture or two on their walls though but a framed one.

My Dad was the most strict Victorian-esque father ever but I had every wall, door and ceiling of my bedroom covered in posters. What's wrong with posters?

Nothing wrong with posters at all! I had plenty on my wall. Maybe that very one.

I'm just mean and don't like how tatty they look. However, these days, kids don't buy magazines really do they? So it's never been an issue here. I suppose if one of them really really wanted a poster I'd probably allow it

Mine had football, Star Wars, Marvel Super Hero & ballet posters. Some of which were expensive.

Flora Flamingo do you not think going into your teenage kids bedrooms several times a day and moving things round/tidying to your liking is an invasion of their personal space? I would've hated that as a teenager, absolutely hated it, and I had nothing to hide. I would have taken it as being snooped upon and being judged constantly at a low level.
I don't see the need for THEIR rooms to be tidied to MY taste, just a standard above now.

FloraFlamingo just seen one of them is 22

I liked my parents method which was - no food upstairs. Tea cups had to be brought down once finished with. Washing was put in the communal washing basket or it wasn't washed. The rest was up to me. It got horrendous, but then at about 17, something just clicked and I started tidying up after myself. So long as the mess doesn't escape their room and they keep the communal areas tidy I think it's just a general teenage phase you'd be fighting against for no real reason.

The only thing I insisted on was that no food was left upstairs. If they didnt bring down washing or change their beds it stayed dirty. If they put clean clothes on the floor they wore them creased. If, by any slight miracle they were actually tidy, I would let the cleaner hoover and dust in there.

They grow out of it. It's not worth a daily battle. Both mine are clean and tidy now (19 & 21) and I haven't been in their rooms for years. I do make the odd passing comment though along the lines of 'your sheets will be walking downstairs soon! If I notice I haven't seen them for a while.

@FloraFlamingo

Nothing wrong with posters at all! I had plenty on my wall. Maybe that very one.

I'm just mean and don't like how tatty they look. However, these days, kids don't buy magazines really do they? So it's never been an issue here. I suppose if one of them really really wanted a poster I'd probably allow it

I imagine you can get posters online now. If they look tatty that's fine it doesn't matter does it? Yes, you are mean-but if they don't want to put posters up it doesn't matter.

Mine have had all sorts from when they were little. Elmo/The Simpsons/Minecraft/Pokemon etc IIRC HMV was the place to get them back in the day.

It saddens me that children these days may never know the absolute terror of a poster falling on their face in the night.

I agree that they grow out of it. Ours are 22, 19 and 18. Their rooms are slick and span now but dear God, they had spectacularly untidy bedrooms when they were younger.
I would never invade their space, same as they wouldnt invade mine. So beds only got changed when they did them themselves, clothes only got washed when they were put in the laundry bins.
I had to threaten them (usually along the lines of "im going to ring Fire and Rescue for advice as this is a hazard") to get them to properly tidy up and Hoover.
They were such good kids otherwise though!!

@tactum I can see why someone else might think I'm absolutely awful and invading their privacy, yep. They honestly couldn't give a toss about it though - I'm not rifling through drawers looking for diaries etc etc ... I just won't have some sort of floordrobe or food rotting in corners or whatever. I like my house to be clean, tidy and pristine and alas for them, that extends to their bedrooms the poor souls.

Like I said, they're used to me and I won't be changing. I'm also one of those weirdos who insists on a bed change twice a week for the teenager.
They have a terrible life 😂

@tactum but there's are no rights and wrongs are there? You asked what others do and I responded to that. They've got lovely thick pile carpets in their bedrooms - I can't imagine make up and art supplies ground into it as you say happens in your house so I ask for make up to be applied in the bathroom - they have their own and yep, I expect that to be kept clean and tidy too.

Nope, hardly any food allowed upstairs, washing goes in the bin, clean stuff put away. I hoover once a week and the floor needs to be clear, they dust!

Yes they grow out of it then move out. Then you can have their room for a gym/crafting/sewing/guest room and you will find yourself missing them and their messy ways...

My son and daughter 20 and 17 are just like this. 14 year old daughter's room is immaculate so I hold out hope!. First thing is make them do their own washing, they'll eventually have to do it and if they don't put it away and it gets dirty, its their own lookout. I have a moan about plates and cups but try to ignore otherwise...

1. no food/drink in bedroom. That's what the kitchen is for. Don't want to socialize with us? Fine, you can go hungry.

1. any rubbish shoved down/chucked into anywhere: at that moment my son has to change his bed. new sheet, duvet, pillow. He hates it even more than me.

1. clothes not put away.... half a solution. I won't put in a washing with his clothes in until they are put away. Yes, he ended up with no undies a couple of times. tough luck

1. general tidiness: any ideas welcome. :) I usually do it every fortnight because I can't stand it any more.

1. carpet/walls: we rent and we have to give it back in the same condition. art- if there is no newspaper under it it won't happen.

My room never changed from about 11 to 21 bare walls apart from shelves for dolls, I hated them by teen age years and after being forced to throw away my 007 collection of scrapbook and books I threw the lot out jewellery boxes all the tat as I called it, i was 21 at the time I did have a workspace for school work and my stereo from 17, oh the row that caused because my dad brought and not my aunt and uncle who I was dumped on from aged eight.

it's in my house and therefore I pop in several times a day and I ... move things. Tidy to my liking

Can't believe anyone would behave like this; their bedrooms are theirs. I expect dirty clothes to be chucked into laundry hampers, clean clothes put away, glasses and plates downstairs before they go to bed and to hoover their rooms once a week. Everything else I let go. I wouldn't dream of "popping in" through the day and moving their stuff because I would go nuts if anyone did that to me.

My parents had zero boundaries when it came to personal space when I was younger and as a result I'm determined I'll offer my own DC privacy. I knock before I enter their rooms, I let them determine how their rooms look (they both have posters) and to be honest I think they're both reasonably tidy as they've been offered space to be themselves, not just space that's about me and my tastes.

Sounds like a standard teen to me! I was the same and I'm a massive clean freak now. I also have to nag about the plates and glasses. My kid have their own floor with a shower room and I do go up there and clean once a week. They have to tidy before that - they know Tuesday is my cleaning day. I could insist that they clean it as well but I have high standards and enjoy cleaning! Most of the time it is a dump but tuesday and part of wednesday it is clean and doesnt smell

Oh I don't go through their stuff though or move things around and if they said they didn't want me to clean I would respect that (as long as it didn't become a health hazard!)

It's unfair to move their stuff about. I wouldn't like anyone moving the stiff in my bedroom around TBH. It's their space in my house and they need their privacy.

@FudgeBrownie2019 I know. My poor children 😂

You couldn't see my walls for posters as a teen. Or my floor for clothes. I'm a tidy and functioning adult now.