So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

I just watched the Simon Reeve documentary on Cornwall and thought it was very good and interesting.

Don from the food bank is such a wonderful man - he brought a tear to my eye. If we ever do move to Cornwall, volunteering with him would be top of my list.

The locals were very insular - one of them told me most of them had been further out to sea then had inland.

Interesting comment - I really felt for the Taco Boys who said they can't get a restaurant premises in Cornwall because you have to be a friend of a friend or a son of someone. I was surprised as weren't they Cornish themselves? I'm very pleased that they're opening in Exeter but it's sad they had to leave Cornwall.

A mortgage of 500 wont get you a beach hut.

@MyWitzEnd another one who doesn't understand how mortgages work - sigh

I am looking at options but won't do anything until this crap is either over or somehow managed. I know a few people feeling the same. Let's hang in there and reevaluate then. That would be my advice.

@Songsofexperience I agree with you about the itchy feet and this is good advice. But how long will we be waiting?

Whitsand Bay, Looe, maybe even Polperro

Thanks @cjpark. I've not been to the first two but I've been to Polperro - it's beautiful but I assumed it would be very much dominated by second homes. I may be wrong?

The person upthread who has said Kent isn’t rural obviously doesn’t travel far. I can be two minutes away from tiny lanes that have grass growing up the middle. It’s good to take mystery tours on country lanes where you barely see another car, and you don’t see anything but wildlife and landscape. Apparently a lot of people don’t use the lanes because they can’t be bothered to give way but I adore them.

I think the thing about Kent is that it’s an incredibly varied county. If you want a bustling seaside town there’s Whitstable, but if you want total isolation you’ve got the likes of the marshes and the Downs. If you want industrial and urban you’ve got the bits of Kent that adjoin London. Not all of it’s nice, I wouldn’t live in certain areas, but parts are about as gorgeous as you can get.

@onandon8

I am born and raised in Kent and I wouldn't recommend it at all, it sounds like what you want is proper rural and Kent is sadly not that anymore. Don't compromise

@RestlessMillennial I wouldn’t describe Kent as proper rural either but DH thinks I’m being ridiculous! Why wouldn’t you recommend Kent?

There are some nice areas, such as the Weald as another poster mentioned. But IMO there has been too much development, too many houses being built without adequate GPs, schools. Lots of noise pollution from busy roads, I would say people in Kent drive more than in London as they travel to work further distances often by car. Houses are overpriced compared to what you could get in less populated areas of the UK. Apart from Canterbury, culture isn't great because everything is in London, only a train journey away that is true, but still. I lived for a year in the Lake District for work and I loved it up there, it was the most truly peaceful I have ever felt, I would love to go back, and the West Country is lovely too.

@thecatsabsentcojones

The person upthread who has said Kent isn’t rural obviously doesn’t travel far. I can be two minutes away from tiny lanes that have grass growing up the middle. It’s good to take mystery tours on country lanes where you barely see another car, and you don’t see anything but wildlife and landscape. Apparently a lot of people don’t use the lanes because they can’t be bothered to give way but I adore them.

I think the thing about Kent is that it’s an incredibly varied county. If you want a bustling seaside town there’s Whitstable, but if you want total isolation you’ve got the likes of the marshes and the Downs. If you want industrial and urban you’ve got the bits of Kent that adjoin London. Not all of it’s nice, I wouldn’t live in certain areas, but parts are about as gorgeous as you can get.

I have travelled all over Kent, I was born and raised here! ;) I respect your opinion but I have mine, and IMO the rural bits are really being eaten up by development with seemingly no end in sight - every day in the local papers there seem to be disputes over another poorly planned housing development. I use country lanes all the time, precisely to avoid traffic, but I never seem to be that far away from another car so have a completely different experience from yourself.

@onandon8 just thought I'd jump in here 😊 I grew up on the outskirts of London (near Eltham) and moved out to Orpington in my teens. I now live in Tunbridge Wells and love it! It is expensive though lol. But I like the mixture we have of countryside, town life, close to London and if I want a beach then only an hour away which isn't that far in the grand scheme of things.
I think wherever you live there are issues with drugs and crime etc, obviously some places are worse than others. But I do think education around the issue regarding your children will help, I know as a teen the more I was told not to do things the more I wanted to lol.

I do have friends that have lived in coastal towns and they have said much like what's been said above, it's great in the summer but the winter is rubbish, work dries up, towns are quiet, and there's only so many times you can walk along the beach lol.

Lots to think about but I hope you come to a decision that makes you happy x

Kent is my idea of rural. I think it is beautiful. We live in a village the other side of London but if I had my time again, we'd have moved to Kent instead. I think it's so varied and beautiful. And the schools are what weveryone dreams of elsewhere in UK. Really hoping it doesn't become a brexit lorry park

Totally agree with @cjpark on locations.

@onandon8 I live in south east Cornwall, right on the coast. PM me if you would like to.

And the schools are what weveryone dreams of elsewhere in UK.

Interesting - is that really the case?

@OrangeSamphire thank you, I will do!

There was a thread on here not long ago about moving from London to Cornwall and the consensus from those who had done it was ‘DON’T!’ mainly because of what sounds like a huge issue with the standard of education. I would also think about what happens when your kids grow up, there’s not a load of options available there for employment and chances are they will end up moving a long way away from you.

I totally understand where you are coming from with London schools, primaries are usually excellent and secondaries seem scary. But I have friends with kids in state secondaries that they kind of dreaded but now are doing ok and many of those schools are improving a lot, so don’t write them off. Tbh it sounds like you need to find a compromise with DH - moving out of London is one thing, moving from there to Cornwall is very much an extreme. And there are many posters here who have regretted leaving London, a real mix between them and the ‘absolutely no regrets’ brigade.

As for the ‘Cornwall is full’ comment - unbelievable..smh.

@onandon8

And the schools are what weveryone dreams of elsewhere in UK.

Interesting - is that really the case?

Well no. It's the 11+ grammar system. Great if you pass, not so much if you don't. It's not what lots of people dream of, it's incredibly divisive.

We came here because we followed DH's job and don't regret it but the school system is a concern. DS is in a lovely village Primary and if he passes the 11+ will have a choice of some excellent schools. Or he gets to sit a test at the age of just 10 that has a huge bearing on his future chances of going to university etc.

Or he gets to sit a test at the age of just 10 that has a huge bearing on his future chances of going to university etc.

Sounds like a major downside of Kent!

OP, Imo it takes a certain type of person to live in a very rural place and you don’t know if that’s you until it’s possibly too late. Just playing Devil’s advocate here for a moment. Imagine Cornwall in winter. Grey, grey and grey - it can be very bleak in some areas. And I say that as someone who loved the beaches down there. Also, kids can be bored as hell in paces like that. No opportunities. Yokel local types. Chances are, they’ll be off as soon as they can and never return. They’d is a lot more rain in the SW too.

Are you sure you’re not looking at all this through rose-tinted glasses? Where do you actually live in London. Sounds dire, but could you really not find a slightly better area?

Have you thought of the areas beyond Richmond on the Thames? There’s places that feel like seaside villages. Safe (safer)? than most places. Not boring. Plenty of opportunities for kids as they grow up. Totally different vibe to where you are now, by the sound of it.

Also, yes kids do get bursaries to independent schools. It’s possible. Do you think they are if the academic persuasion though?

It sounds as if you’re viewing the entirety of London through the lens of where you live right now, but maybe there’s a halfway-house type solution that would suit you and your DH into the longer-term? All the beaches in the world will not make up for no income and you can’t live on fresh air.

Don’t forget .... kids grow up quick. Messing about in puddles in the beach may well be fun for a few years... but teens in a seaside village in winter, miles from anywhere .... ? Hmmm.

Also, yes kids do get bursaries to independent schools. It’s possible. Do you think they are if the academic persuasion though?

Is there huge competition for them though? I’m sure there must be.

That’s is a lot of competition OP yes, but you can apply to as many schools as you like. You have to do your research, but sounds like you have time. It depends on how academic your kids are really, though there are other kinds of bursaries too - sport, music, etc. Put it this way - it’s not impossible and someone has to get the bursaries!

I live in Cornwall and always have. I couldn’t live anywhere else. The salaries down here are dire compared to where you currently are however, I managed to purchase my own home (help to buy) at the age of 29 on a low/ moderate salary last year. Can your partner work remotely doing what he does? I have a friend who is currently working from hone in Cornwall but who’s office is in central London.

@onandon8

And the schools are what weveryone dreams of elsewhere in UK.

Interesting - is that really the case?

The schools are really good where I am but it does tend to be the grammers that are the best which does entail the 11plus. If your child is quite academic though then they should be OK.... Although I have noticed most parents seem to have tutors from age 9 onwards to prepare (not really meant to but it's what they all do!)

Cornwall isn’t full! What nonsense.

I’m sick of hearing it & it’s embarrassing!

There are alot of second homes in Polperro and the summer traffic is particularly bad but that's because its very pretty. You are going to have to choose what's more important - postcard pretty cornish villages are going to be pricey, less community, more second home owners and seasonal places to live. If you don't want this avoid Polperro, Cawsands and Mawgan Porth.
If you want the opposite, look 5 miles inland. Theres lots of lovely towns and villages.

@restlessmillenial check this out, it’s very interesting and differs from the usual town Facebook chat where everyone is convinced Kent is about to be concreted over. We’re actually underdeveloped and most of the land here is farmland. Anyway it’s positive to see.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41901297

YUABU . You have a job and a aRoof over your head and hopefully haven't got or had Coronavirus or Loved ones with it and a Child. There are a few things I would like right now, Hugs and seeing Friends are just two but right now I have my health and my Parents and the rest I will wait for.

I'm actually the reverse!! I grew up in Southsea, within walking distance of the beach.
Much as I loved being near the sea, I always aspired to go to the "Big Smoke". The lure of the bright lights, big city, noise, exciting people etc... I moved to London for uni, and never looked back.

That was almost 21 years ago now. I live in Greater London, in an area with lots of open spaces and things to do.

I can't imagine i'll ever leave, as my life and friends are here , but must admit I do sometimes fantasise about going back to my hometown - especially during the summer months - when I take the children on a short break there and see their eyes light up having such a great time in the sea and at the fair. The air is so much cleaner etc...

I don't know what line of work your DH is in, or whereabouts in London you are, but Portsmouth is only 72 miles away, and an hour and a half commute from Waterloo. House prices are pretty cheap, and I agree - you certainly get more for your money.