So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

Bear in mind that moving schools is easier the younger the children are. Also, if you are thinking of Kent, there is still a Grammer School System and the Kent Test. The commute is very fast though as has the high speed train.

Cornwall / Devon are fabulous places to bring up small DC but the job market is incredibly seasonal/low paid. So what you win when they are small you lose when they are older. They'd likey have to move after uni to find decent well paying jobs.

OP - you are not working and don't have many skills- if you do live, will you be bringing some money in and not leave your DH to carry the burden of being the main breadwinner? If not then I think he needs to stay where the work is

Only skimmed thread, apologies if this has already been said - what about other cities for DH opportunities? Would being within reach of somewhere like Bristol be of use? Which would mean North Somerset could be a possibility?

I second what some people have said above about North Somerset. It’s underrated. Think it’s possible to look at somewhere on a train line there with London connections and easy access to the coast. I’d avoid costal places like Western Super Mare tho. Think there can be pockets of deprivation where there are no opportunities or easy access to them. I wouldn’t want to live somewhere that was hard for my kids to access big city opportunities.

As a student I spent a lot of summers in Cornwall teaching at a sailing school in a popular tourist destination. The locals were very insular - one of them told me most of them had been further out to sea then had inland. And while friendly because my face of was around a lot I never felt like I was one of them nor did I have anything in common with the super posh ex-Londoners either.

Someone up thread mentioned needles on the beach!

We found some on Gylly Beach in Falmouth - 3 days in a row Summer 2020.

OP you might like Portreath. It’s a bit stinky at times though.

@onandon8 watch a bit of Poldark - taint right, taint proper!!

@RestlessMillennial

I am born and raised in Kent and I wouldn't recommend it at all, it sounds like what you want is proper rural and Kent is sadly not that anymore. Don't compromise

Depends on what part of Kent you're talking about. Swathes of Sheppey are virtually unpopulated, chunks of mid Kent (e.g. near Maidstone) are farming land, Ashford is surrounded by farms, Weald of Kent is all farmland between towns like Tonbridge...

Romney Marshes not “proper rural”?! What counts as “proper rural”?

I also wouldn’t consider Kent ‘properly rural’

Friends of us from Kent came to visit us last year and said ‘god, it’s ‘proper’ countryside here isn’t it’ I was like eh? Not really getting what they meant. They said, well Kent just isn’t like this, there’s rural parts but they don’t feel as rural as this and the ‘country’ roads are so busy.

We’ve been to stay with them numerous times over the years. They live in a village in the countryside, but I know what they mean as it’s just never felt ‘rural’ I can’t put my finger on it, but it seems quite....commercialised for want of a better expression 😳

IMO, anywhere that close to London cannot be ‘properly’ rural. Too populated (even in rural areas) and the roads are just so busy.

Try the North, Northumberland has some stunning coastline and is within easy reach or Edinburgh. Or the North West, not necessarily the lake district, but there are some lovey coastal stretches, with easy each of Manchester etc. We lived for a time in Newcastle-on-Tyne and there were some of the most beautiful co
We've just moved from commuter belt country, (Northampton) to a village in Herefordshire. No coast, but lovely views and a river with an old bridge. People are so friendly- despite lockdown (all socially distanced!).

YANBU I wouldn't like to live in London. I don't even enjoy visiting London for longer than a weekend.

@SweetShopSurprise - and do they live in Romney Marsh? Or do you think the whole of the Kent countryside is like the village your friends are from? I agree that most of Kent is quite densely populated and most of its roads are quite busy, as it’s in the SE, and a lot of people commute from Kent to work in London, but honestly, it’s a bit odd to judge a very large county on the back of comments by friends who live in one village. Also odd to think anywhere in England is actually particularly rural and isolated compared to the rest of the world...

I also get the impression the OP does not want rural and isolated, anyway, as she talks of a seaside town!

When it comes to road congestion in the summer, then Cornwall and the Lake District would win a few prizes on that!

We have friends in various parts of Kent, all are ‘rural’ but like I say, for whatever reason, I personally never find them that rural. It’s a bit like the OP said earlier in this thread, the SE in itself is just very populated and busy, busy. Especially the areas close to London, which Kent is.

I’m not saying where I live is ‘particularly rural compared to the rest of the world’ I’m specifically talking about Kent and other areas of the SE. For comparison, we went to Shropshire last year and stayed for a week, saw various parts of the county and it felt a lot more akin to where I live. So if someone was to ask me whether I thought Shropshire was rural, I’d say yes sorry if that offends, it’s just personal preference/ opinion isn’t it

But yes, doesn’t sound like the OP wants rural anyway. She wants a seaside town

@SweetShopSurprise - not offended, just think it’s odd to comment on a large county as though every part of it is similar. Kent is nothing if not varied in terms of its landscapes and populations, and marshland is by its very nature, rural!

There are some seriously negative people on this thread.

We've just moved to Totnes, Devon from the north west with teenage DD. It's a lovely, lively little town with lots of shops and cafés; it feels very safe; decent schools; and there's a station with a 30 min train ride into Exeter. You're a stone's throw from Dartmoor and 10 min drive to the beach. My DD (15) is very happy here. We're renting at the moment but there are houses within the OPs budget. I know this is a bit of a compromise as you wouldn't be a 10 min walk to the beach but you're still very close.

To me, truly rural is more than half an hour’s drive away from a motorway or major trunk road.

I sympathise. I feel fed up too and got itchy feet. Everything sort of went to shit this year. I have managed to turn quite a few things around in my life though so there's a lot of positives too... But I feel this really deep need for a radical change. As in switching continents and not just counties! I just don't know how much of it is real though. Lockdown and freelance work from home have suddenly disconnected me from my previous life with a job, colleagues, business partners i used to meet face to face, friends, even my university aged son. It's dire. I am looking at options but won't do anything until this crap is either over or somehow managed.
I know a few people feeling the same. Let's hang in there and reevaluate then. That would be my advice.

onandon8
You asked what I found so terrible about living in a village in the sticks.

I don’t think I spoke to anyone apart from friends from London on the odd night they came to stay and Dp for the best part of 12 years.
I am not Christian, I don’t drink and I didn’t have children. Village life revolved around the church, the pub and the school. Outside of that there was nothing else.
When Dp lost his job it took 2 years and him resorting to putting down a friends London address to get another as there wasn’t any work in the area.
At work my manager and supervisor called me into the managers office and because they had found out I lived with Dp he offered to have a pint with him and persuade him to marry me.
Didn’t realise that living with your partner in the late 1980s would cause such a scandal.

If you need work, even if you are not qualified for anything there is so many more opportunities to work in London.

if you are serious about relocating in Cornwall OP, there are 2 areas I would look at. Either the south east coast - Whitsand Bay, Looe, maybe even Polperro. You have train links to Plymouth which means sleeper trains to London and access to good Grammar schools/ City / Uni for the kids. My other choice would be somewhere Morgan Porth way. You have the airport and can get cheap flights to London, and probably 30 mins from Truro, again with excellent secondary schools.

My DH is also a contractor and we live in Bucks - easy to get into London if necessary but also great opportunities around Reading/Oxford etc. He's not had any issues finding work, or had to commute more than 30 minutes each way, for 3+ years. We also have lots of space, ancient woodlands and AONB on our doorstep and wonderful state schools. It isn't loads cheaper than London but the quality of life is so much better.

I totally get your wish to leave London, it isn't for me either. But moving to Devon/Cornwall will severely limit ongoing job opportunities and probably isn't practical at this stage. There are so many other options in some lovely areas to consider.

Especially the areas close to London, which Kent is.

What, even the bits 80 miles from the centre of London?

Just read an article online which talks about the 5 most popular places in Kent to live according to Rightmove. Folkestone is number 1 with an 80% increase in searches in the last year.

So if you want to join us here you might need to be quick!