So fed up with my life

[onandon8]

I live in London and am just so fed up with the people, the busyness, the noise, the pollution and the cost of everything, particularly housing. It’s really getting me down.

I want to sell up and buy a cottage by the sea in Devon or Cornwall, but DH will only consider counties close to London as there are always employment opportunities here.

I know what he’s saying but I don’t want to carry on with the rat race for the rest of our lives, living in an average area with a massive mortgage to pay each month.

I also read threads on here saying London schools are the best, and wonder in which part of London these posters live? Primaries near us are good/outstanding but the secondaries are dire - I can’t consign my DC to a life of that.

I would love to send them private but we don’t have anywhere near that kind of money. All the local private schools offer bursaries, but surely they must be inundated with applicants - does anyone know how easy it is to get one?

AIBU to want to leave London behind and have a different, simpler life in a small seaside town, with a mortgage of about £400-£500 per month?

My town in south Devon has year round tourism. January and February are quieter but March - December is pretty busy!

I can't think of any teenager who likes to spend their days doing coastal walks and looking at scenery.

I did - but I’m quite antisocial I guess. Still am

I agree with the second home ownership being so damaging to the area... but at the same time wouldn’t just blame the ‘out of towners’ who buy those homes. Local people can choose to sell to local people (although it might mean less money). For example the person who sold to us could have sold quickly to a developer but wanted us to have the house as a young family even though it took us a while to sort out our mortgage (I live in Devon). It’s the locals who sold the second homes that are to blame as much as the people who buy them (in my opinion).

@PatriciaPerch

if you are depressed and fed up with life I wouldn't move to the Kent coast

Is it really that bad?

OP, if you do decide to move, I'd rent out your London house and rent somewhere else before you sell it, just in case your OH needs to move back to London for work or you find don't like the area.

Have a good think about what you do and don't like. Make a big list. Have you always lived in London? Don't underestimate how much less amenities you will get in the countryside. If you are used to good public transport, plentiful shops and hospitals it can be a shock. Sometimes we want something but it doesn't actually suit us.

Think about the future too. You probably won't be a SAHM forever so how will it be for your own job prospects? How is it for teenagers? Are there good job prospects for them? Anything for them to do? Friends have bought a lovely country house, however it is in the middle of nowhere and they will spend their lives being driving their children around everywhere until they are able to drive themselves. It isn't safe for the kids to walk anyway as there are no footpaths.

Have a good think about it all, try and make the most of where you are living now and sit on the list for a few months and revisit it. You might find somewhere closer than would tick some of the boxes (inc better schools) and still be closer to London and less remote.

I live in Kent. Not far from London - can get a direct train. Beach not far away - nearest 20 minutes. Lots of countryside. Good access to jobs and schools etc. Highly recommend.

How much time have you spent in Devon or Cornwall, OP? And on what basis, e.g. holidays, visiting family, studying there?

Bristol! Live in a lovely cottage in Somerset /South Gloucestershire and commute in. Or Clevedon if you want the seaside. I reckon it's about as far Southwest as you can get and still have transport links to London and career opportunities etc.

Move to the midlands. Loads of people live here to e joy the community and countryside, and London is only 1-1.5h away by train the CUST of which is offset by cheaper mortgages

I'm with you OP. I don't think it's ridiculous to dream of a different life, and while things might not be greener on the other side, you'll never really know until you get there.

I also think it's fine to move somewhere, even if you've only been there on holiday a couple of times. People do it all the time and while it doesn't work out for everyone, there is nothing gained if there is nothing ventured!

Your DP does have to be on side though. Could a move to somewhere within commuting distance of Bristol be on the cards? The local economy is more likely to support him maybe.

The biggest consideration is being near a place that delivers enough design work.

Otherwise op could be cutting off only source of income.

Personally I still can’t understand why the OP has a huge shopping list of must haves but when asked what she’s willing to do to help make it happen the response is ‘I don’t have enough skills’. Surely the should be seeing what she can do to improve those skills in order to give the family more options.

I’ve seen this on here time and time again. An OP wants to move, wants their DH to get a better paid job etc and when you ask what they are doing to make things better they say ‘don’t have the skills’.

@OrangeSamphire

If your dream is Devon or Cornwall plan it well and just do it OP.

Both counties offer job opportunities or self employment opportunities in your husband’s field, particularly if you are within reach of Falmouth, Truro, or Exeter.

It is a very different life. And not at all like the experiences you make have had down here on holiday. But I understand your yearning. And you only live once.

I really advise against the Just do it. If you are 10 min walk from the beach you are unlikely to be a walk away from a high school and the beach areas are crazy busy in summer and deserted in winter because of all the second homes. Not being anti come to Cornwall but at the very least rent your London house out and try it for a full year just in case. Don't be taken in by a cheap rural house you will have no friends or social interaction and neither will your kids.

@DimidDavilby

Cornwall is full. Please consider staying where you are from/returning to your hometown.

So is the SE

I can't think of any teenager who likes to spend their days doing coastal walks and looking at scenery.

I can't stress enough that being a teenager in the countryside is in most ways a far poorer option than in a town. People vastly vastly underestimate how difficult it can be and gloss over it all in a haze of wanting to be in the fresh air etc. I think outcomes for teenagers are significantly worse.

I grew up in a very leafy, affluent home counties town and the levels of drug taking and delinquency among teenagers was really high. I didn't realise until I left (for bigger cities) how bad it was. I know anecdotally in quieter places it is even higher. My friends who lived in London were shocked at the debauchery levels which went on. Did you know what the heroin capital of the UK is? Hereford.

Because teenagers in decent sized towns have things to do: they have sports, clubs, cinemas, bands they can join, hobbies they can do, decent restaurants, cafes, lots of diversity -- people they can hang out with if they don't gel with the people next door. And if your skin is a different colour or your accent is different or, god forbid, you are gay, you will be absorbed or at worst tolerated. You won't be ark

If you're in a very small town and you don't fit in life is properly bleak. People tend to be more narrow minded and insular. If you're the sort of person who rubs along well this is all fine. If your face doesn't fit and if you've just moved down from London it may take some adjustment it could be really tough.

That's not to say growing up in a small town is always grim or that your kids are destined to fall in with the wrong crowd. But in my observation the chances are much higher.

I wouldn't do it. Mainly for this reason.

Meant to say you won't be alienated and picked upon for being different.

My friends who lived in London were shocked at the debauchery levels which went on

Interesting. I am born and bred in London...I've never touched drugs nor has anyone in my friendship group that I grew up with.

I really don’t understand these posters who make out like the countryside is some sort of massive drug den. I grew up in the countryside, absolutely loved it, even as a teen (yes, really!) and have never touched drugs in my life. Kids are far more likely to come into contact with dodgy people in a place like London than in a rural town or village IMO.

formerbabe

Yep. Drug taking in some parts of the countryside is endemic and in general is far higher than big cities other than a few very specific points of severe deprivation. People just don't think this through when they fantasise about beach walks etc. Fine for a toddler or young child. A disaster for a teenager, particularly one who has been extracted from a big city.

I completely agree with @thepeopleversuswork

I grew up rurally and teens did get a bit stuck with drugs and alcohol if they stayed. It won’t be everywhere but it is a quite common. Usually coastal towns

I see dodgy types and people who clearly have addiction problems every day when walking in London. You don’t see half that many in smaller towns and none in villages.

@thepeopleversuswork 100% my experience.

buttery81

This is anecdotal but in my experience this just isn't true. I'm not saying everyone in the countryside is taking drugs at all and clearly there are pockets of drug use in cities. But in my experience there was far more of that in the leafy shires than in London.

Reading the comments, I’ve almost made my mind up to compromise and look at places in Kent and maybe Essex. It’s not my dream, but at least I’ll be nearer the coast than I am now - and how many people really do get to live in their dream location and genuinely have it all? Not many.

I will consider Norfolk and Suffolk too. East Sussex is too expensive sadly.