Aibu just talking?

[Pollypocket89]

Today I had a rubbish day at work and a guy I work with sometimes offered to listen while I ranted. We spoke for nearly an hour leaving work and then have exchanged messages for a few hours this evening.

I'm married. He's got a girlfriend

I see no harm in it but a friend was horrified with me

In the sense, she wouldn't be happy if her partner did that and saw it as crossing a boundary

It depends on the messages, doesn't it. And about how secured people are in relationship and themselves.
There is no law against having someone to talk to who is the other gender. It's fine as long as it doesn't cross into affair. Or want of an affair

I have male work friends that I message and sometimes offload to via text outside of work. One of them is my go-to person for any work/career development questions and support as DH works in a totally different industry. I think it's fine and so does DH.

He was listening to me rant about work at first but the rest via message at home for the last couple of hours is conversational. Nothing sexual obviously!

Do you intend to continue messaging him?

I still am to be honest!

Would you tell your husband right now about the conversation and that you're still texting him?

@NerrSnerr

Would you tell your husband right now about the conversation and that you're still texting him?

Exactly this if you're not hiding it it's probably not an issue if you're hiding it there probably is an issue.

No, he's on the other sofa. It's nothing he couldn't look at but my friend said how would his girlfriend feel. She said she'd hate it if her boyfriend was texting with an attractive coworker for hours (her words!)

@Pollypocket89

No, he's on the other sofa. It's nothing he couldn't look at but my friend said how would his girlfriend feel. She said she'd hate it if her boyfriend was texting with an attractive coworker for hours (her words!)

Unhelpful but it really depends eg tone, content, attraction. If you're just friends, chatting about things you'd talk to female friends about and you're not hiding it or worried your husband would see, you don't feel a frisson of excitement when you get a message etc then you're not doing anything wrong and hopefully he's the same eg he would offer the same support to other colleagues, he's not hiding it from his girlfriend and so he's not doing anything wrong either.

I think you need to ask yourself whether you would be bothered if dh was messaging a female colleague all evening? If you would be then you probably shouldn't be messaging him without your dh being aware. If you wouldn't then I don't think there's a problem. It's ok for men and women to be friends, I have a male colleague who I get on very well with, he's no different to me than my female colleagues

You had another very recent thread which is all about you being unhappy about your DH's relationship with a colleague at work. Is this not very similar?

No, it's not the same as I'm not looking at this guys pictures for months

All I'm doing is talking to him about topics of common interest. I grant you 3 hours after an hour at work might be a little much but I can't see it happening again. Im not attracted to him, I can't say the same for him

If your husband asked you to turn over your phone right now so he could scrutinise your communications, would you be worried? I think that would give you your answer.

@Grompf

If your husband asked you to turn over your phone right now so he could scrutinise your communications, would you be worried? I think that would give you your answer.

Tbh if my husband did that he would be moving out and I have nothing to hide😱

I agree with pps about the sentiment about hiding it though.

No, unless he's offended by history chat haha. I think I'm more concerned about the girlfriend minding element as my friend has freaked me out

@Pollypocket89

No, it's not the same as I'm not looking at this guys pictures for months

All I'm doing is talking to him about topics of common interest. I grant you 3 hours after an hour at work might be a little much but I can't see it happening again. Im not attracted to him, I can't say the same for him

I'm not attracted to him, I can't say the same for him.

So, does he fancy you? If so, pack it in ffs. You're using him for an ego boost, probably a bit of petty revenge and leading him on, pretty poor show.
Even if he doesn't , it all sounds a bit dodgy tbh

I have no idea, not from anything I've seen other than checking I'm OK but that's what a normal person would do

Why does it sound dogey, the time invested in the conversation?

Dodgy

Would you be happy if your husband was messaging an attractive work colleague all evening?

I personally have some close male friends at work. We exchange the odd message about whatever we are watching on tv/ who is getting the office milk in on the way to work etc but personally if I were wanting to message them all evening then I think that would be crossing the line somewhere

We've not really spoken that much before and I can't see the hours long conversation again happening. I just don't want his girlfriend to ever feel like I did

@Pollypocket89

We've not really spoken that much before and I can't see the hours long conversation again happening. I just don't want his girlfriend to ever feel like I did

Well if you don't want his girlfriend to feel like you did, don't behave in a way that will make her feel that way! Having read your other thread I think this is you trying to even the score with your partner, that's why I think it's dodgy , you're using this guy, even though he is probably behaving badly as well, although we don't know what his relationship is like

The difference is, we're talking about history and archaeology and the conversation developed naturally not like what my DH did and I'm not attracted to this man. When I said I didn't know if he fancied me, I meant it. It's not something I'd ask him obviously and I haven't got any vibes