Tonight I went to speak to my youngest child and....

[mineofuselessinformation]

and I had the sudden urge that I should put on a mask.
I'm not a dramatic person, but it actually happened and I'm really struggling with it.
My job involves wearing a mask and avoiding getting near to other people, so I'm very guarded about what I do.
But this isn't right is it?
I'm very aware of the risks involved with contact with other people, but this has brought me up short, so to speak.
I'm very lucky in that when I told DC about it (old enough to understand, thank goodness), they held me while I cried.
I still have to go to work, and I honestly don't know where I go from here.

Why did you cry over it? You've developed a habit about mask-wearing, your brain switched to autopilot, you corrected yourself. Now you carry on.

You cried in front of your kids and had them comfort you?

How old is your child?

Yeah why were you crying?? I don't really understand.

Why did you start crying?

You're used to wearing a mask and keeping your distance. That habit spilled over into your home but you stopped yourself.

Crying and getting your youngest child to take care of you was the worst thing you could have done. Your kids dont need that emotional toll on them when they have enough worrying about it with all the changes they already have to deal with.

FGS leave the OP alone. She is probably struggling (as we all are) with the huge implications of this crisis. Yes, her kids comforted her. Good, she was sad.

Jesus.

I feel this with my children too at times - if you work in a mask all day it's bound to make you feel more of a risk without one, especially with your nearest and dearest.
You have to draw the line at some point. You wear a mask at work and so you must assume that you are reasonably protected from taking home the virus. It's about reasonable risks, I guess. I hope I've understood what you're anxious about correctly?
How lovely of your children to comfort you!

I used to work in secure units and every time I went somewhere and someone had left scissors around I'd feel twitchy and want to put them away. It's just habit.

It all sounds a bit over dramatic but I'm assuming you're just finding life in general overwhelming at the moment.

I'm very lucky in that when I told DC about it (old enough to understand, thank goodness), they held me while I cried.

Please speak to your GP. Unless the twist is that your 'child' is an adult living at home with you then this isn't normal reaction .

I would have been freaked out as a child if a parent did this to me. It's not your fault you feel this way but it's entirely on you to recognise that you are having a mental health impact from this shitty shitty year and get help to manage it.

And where do you go from here? You go to work. You carry on following procedure because it helps keep you safe, which allows you to have close contact with your family.

Everyone just needs to toughen up a bit. This isnt like the plaque or Ebola or something with an 80% death rate. It's hard, people are dieing but most people are quite safe, and wont die if they catch it.
Obviously if anyone develops symptoms then you isolate unless they treat negative because you dont want to knowingly spread it and put people in danger but that really is all you can do. Now you just get on with it.

*plague

Thank you @flaviaritt and @Twillow for understanding.
Dc that was involved is an adult (and was understanding and happy to comfort me).
It's just so shit that I even have the notion that I can't go near my close family without worrying about it - that's why I posted.

I did do a sort of bear dance away from my 10 year old when he got close recently, but it was only momentary and I don't think he noticed as he was just rushing around the room telling me about his day at school. Even so it made me feel a bit shocked so I gave him a big hug. Luckily he knows mummy's a bit mad! I worry about little people who are growing up with this. Will they be naturally aloof forever? It's quite sad.

I put on a mask before getting in the car with DH at the weekend. I've been wearing them at work for 8 months, took me ages to work out why he was just staring at me and not driving off.

It is taking time for all of us to adjust to a new normal and reconcile ourselves with a pretty shit winter.

@flaviaritt

FGS leave the OP alone. She is probably struggling (as we all are) with the huge implications of this crisis. Yes, her kids comforted her. Good, she was sad.

Jesus.

Agree with this. What’s wrong with crying it’s a natural emotion when your feeling sad.

Could you be a bit tired, overwhelmed, run down, fed up etc. Maybe you need a few days annual leave to recharge your batteries.

@pastabest, sorry but I feel I need to reply to your comment. I did say DC was old enough to understand. I would never burden a child with something they couldn't deal with. What particular part of my OP made you think I did?

@mineofuselessinformation

My 9 year old would be old enough to understand it, but that doesnt mean he should have to deal with it. You said "youngest child" and didnt clarify that they are actually an adult.

@Suzi888, oh yes, I could do with a break.... But, if I'm off, my colleagues have their workload increased. That's something that I don't want to do - we are all finding this difficult.

[quote mineofuselessinformation]@pastabest, sorry but I feel I need to reply to your comment. I did say DC was old enough to understand. I would never burden a child with something they couldn't deal with. What particular part of my OP made you think I did? [/quote]
Probably your op where you didn't mention age of your dc.

I also assumed an actual child rather than an adult.

It was probably the part where you said “my child”

And when you say your child is “old enough to understand” that implies that they are still actually a child. An adult would obviously be old enough to understand.

I understand this - it hit me when I was watching strictly - and there was a clip of Caroline Quentin's (also adult) daughter surprising her during rehearsals.

The physical demonstration of Caroline forcing down every maternal instinct that came rushing to the surface to go to, and hug, her child was really emotional and powerful. We are programmed to be close and to hug, touch and comfort other humans. It's painful to have to quash that feeling.

Sorry OP but when it says ‘youngest child’ and ‘old enough to understand’ not many people are going to think ‘adult’

Ok. So people are going to split hairs over my posts, rather than read all of them.
Fair enough, I didn't make it clear in my OP that the DC I offloaded to was an adult, so I'm sorry for any confusion there.
But, my children are still my children, however old they are, so I'm a bit confused as to what else I should call them?

You're being purposefully obtuse.
The way we treat our children when they are children is very different from.the way we treat them when they are adults. The loads we put on them change, the actions we show them change. You might post something which is totally reasonable to share with your adult child but completely inappropriate to share with an actual child.
You included extra info in brackets just to say "old enough to understand" which includes children from middle primary and up. If you are going to five extra info to help people understand the situation then make sure the info actually gives the information required, which would have been (adult child).