Tonight I went to speak to my youngest child and....

[mineofuselessinformation]

and I had the sudden urge that I should put on a mask.
I'm not a dramatic person, but it actually happened and I'm really struggling with it.
My job involves wearing a mask and avoiding getting near to other people, so I'm very guarded about what I do.
But this isn't right is it?
I'm very aware of the risks involved with contact with other people, but this has brought me up short, so to speak.
I'm very lucky in that when I told DC about it (old enough to understand, thank goodness), they held me while I cried.
I still have to go to work, and I honestly don't know where I go from here.

Even if the child involved was little and not the adult actually involved I don’t think there would have been any harm in this. It doesn’t damage a child to know that their parents sometimes get upset and cry and need comforting.

Before anyone jumps on me, I’m NOT suggesting that a child should be a permanent prop and support for a damaged adult - that would be unhealthy. I’m saying that occasionally seeing a reliable and trusted adult become upset and then recovering from that upset is OK. It teaches them that crying is normal, that being vulnerable in front of loved ones is safe, that imperfection is acceptable and occasional failure is a setback not a life shattering disaster.

And for those worried about the long term impact of all this, remember we have been doing this for just 8 months and it’s become habit already. That’s a GOOD thing. It shows a healthy respect for the current risks and its keeping people safe. When it’s no longer necessary it will take another few months to adjust and then the new normal will become our habits and all this will become salutary memories. For some people this will take a few weeks, for others a few months and for an unfortunate few there might be elements of PTSD that take longer to work through, but eventually the worst of these times will be confined to history like carrying gas masks during the war

What else would you like OP to call her child? People are being silly as OP has already stated her child is an adult.
Try not to worry OP. It's been a horrible year and everyone is worried or scared to a certain extent.
One good thing you can take away is that you have raised your child to be caring and loving. I think it's great that they were able to support you.

It is a tough time it is okay to be vulnerable at times with our loved ones we're all human trying to keep a brave face.
I hope it gave you comfort. I'd do anything to hug my DM now I really wanted too during lockdown when she cried now she's passed away.
Enjoy your openness with your DC.

OP if you wear a mask all day I assume you might be a nurse? We have had the most difficult year and it's taken it's toll on all of us. Don't be hard on yourself about this, and I think some people have commented harshly too. I think it's okay for your children to know you are struggling and vulnerable, as they will know they don't always have to be strong either. Life is hard at the moment, be kind to yourself.

And I'd like to add, there are some proper mean people on here, not sure why they are making such horrible comments when you already feel like shit.

OP, ignore the people who think your overdramatic. Most the time I’m pretty good with everything that’s going on but every so often something small makes me think “how different life in now”, silly thing like watching something in tv that was recorded before we were all social distancing and wearing masks, it makes me miss those times where we didn’t have to worry about people breathing near us. The worlds a very odd place at the moment so don’t be hard on yourself.

My children and I are all in different households, so according to local (not UK) rules, we are not all allowed to meet in one place. Last lockdown, for quite a while we were only allowed to meet on walks outside. There are avoidable risks involved in meeting up with other adults. We all have to think about whether we want to or are allowed to kiss our adult relatives. It's not "right", but it's been that way for quite a while now. If it's suddenly made you cry after all this time, maybe you do need to think about whether you might be a bit overworked or need to speak to your GP.

Its Ok to cry infront of any child any age. What is that modeling? That you are human, you feel sadness and you need love.

mindofuselessinformation I do understand what you mean. I think most of us have become sort of desensitised to carrying around the degree of anxiety, worry and fear that we have been, and it's become sort of 'normal'.

This is functional most of the time eg putting a mask on and keeping distance becomes habitual, but it's probably also good to have moments of awareness of how emotionally draining this situation is.

OP is obviously tired and stressed and posters shouldn't be piling on. Nit picking about how she's worded something is just plain nasty and happening more and more often on here

Oh my goodness! MN is really showing what a pit of vipers it can be.
Just because something wouldn’t upset you, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t upset someone else. Empathy! Also, OP isn’t crying over wearing a mask or being dramatic. It’s obvious it’s the culmination of everything that’s happening and this moment just caught OP off guard and she had a wobble. She cried. Most people cry at some point. Crying can be a really healthy way of expressing emotion and processing life events...and I think we can agree that 2020 has had plenty to process. We also don’t know other circumstances in OPs life that have contributed.
I do also think children seeing their parents cry is ok. As a society we need to live away from crying being a bad thing. And when I say this, I do not mean the very different situation of children being emotional crutches for parents. What is beneficial to a child is to see that you can have times when you feel sad and show your feelings but then still cope and be okay.

@mineofuselessinformation, I hope you haven’t taken the negative comments to heart and that you’re feeling better. It has been a strange year and so many of us are struggling. It’s okay that you had that moment where you wobbled. I get how you’re feeling.

@mineofuselessinformation I understand, it happened to me.
Your reaction was to cry, mine was an outburst of anger.

I've said before mine is a multi generational household, Df 85 and Dd 18 both essentially still isolating and only go out if absolutely necessary.

I pretty much only leave the house for work which requires me to wear a mask and far too many people I come into contact with are still not wearing any form of face covering, putting me at risk of being a source of infection.

I wear a mask if I'm in the car with either Df or Dd which I'm OK with.

My outburst came at home when I was going to cut my Df's hair and toe nails (neither of which I mind doing) because I realised I would need to wear a mask in our own home to protect him from me.

Dd wants me to cut her hair so I'll be masking up for that too.

Ignore the snippy comments, they'll be the ones whose lives haven't been touched by all this.

Alexkate2468 - pit of vipers indeed!

The forensics on the OP's words and the claims that she was being deliberately misleading/obtuse?! 🙄

Lesson - don't post on here if you're feeling shit and could do with some support.

People are focusing far too much on the specific incident and then indulging themselves in giving the OP a kicking. Ignore them OP. The thing to focus on is this incident is a symptom of stress and that your personal resilience has taken a hit - perfectly understandable and you are far from being alone. Be kind to yourself first and foremost but also look to see what support might be available to you either from your employer or from your GP.

@00100001

You cried in front of your kids and had them comfort you?

I thought this but then wondered how old they are.... they may be adult children, if not then not great for little ones and anxiety inducing for them.

My DM refers to me as her wee girl. I'm taller, broader across the shoulders and fatter than her and I'm 42
It okay OP, I found myself panicking looking at old family photos as no one was socially distanced. It's so hard, it feels like coronavirus has eaten it's way into our soul.
I'm really glad you have a lovely 'wee girl' to look after you. Keep going, one day it will be okay again

Ah - the children are adults - not such a big deal then. We all need a hug

This reminds me when we used to have a six-week warning before Ofsted inspections at school. I remember opening a cupboard in the kitchen at home and panicking because it wasn't tidy.

Its Ok to cry infront of any child any age. What is that modeling? That you are human, you feel sadness and you need love.

I had a reaction to the OP because my mum really leaned on me emotionally as a child, and it affects me even as an adult.

it is a habit to wear a mask, and good for you op

Op if your still here ignore the twats that have to put you down to garner a little bit of superiority in their own bullshit lives.

Your doing fine, it's tough right now, people are struggling with many different elements of this, things will get better.

OP, mind yourself.
It's a very peculiar time for everyone and I think almost everyone is getting the wobbles at one time or another. If you can take even a short break from work, it might help.

Take care.

I understand op. Glad you could let some of it out and be comforted. I was struck yesterday when I forgot to take my mask off and was sat in the car talking with my dc6 how weird that it felt normal

I love smiling at other people's kids too but now I wear a mask they don't know they are making me happy just by being themselves. Although I do try to make my smile reach my eyes iyswim. I probably sound bonkers and I am.

Maybe its time to talk to someone.

It’s ok to emotionally offload on an adult child on rare occasions. I don’t think it’s ever good to offload on a minor. My DM used to do that and I resented her for it. It was scary and confusing. When my Nan died it was fine to see her cry, that made sense and she cried but didn’t offload on me. However, there were many times where she’d be dramatic and complain about stuff and say she was sad etc. It was completely inappropriate to put me in that position. I started trying to avoid her when I could see she was going into her ‘woah is me’ moods.

I can understand why the OP may be a bit overwhelmed and I feel sorry for her that she feels this way but the ‘where do we go from here’ statement was a bit dramatic.