Having to be 'on-call' for a shop visit

[IliveonCoffee]

Is it just me?

My partner seems incapable of going round the shop without a virtual hand hold. Even equipped with a list.

He's just gone round to subway for lunch. Equipped with what I want. 'Keep your phone on you' he says as he departs...

He always has to call, to check something is the right one, to check he has got everything. To ask for substitutes. Somehow he still manages to get the wrong stuff half the time.

I'd get it if he wasn't sure occasionally. But it is every.single.time.

Aibu to expect a grown man to go to the shop alone both physically and virtually? Or is it me...and I should write more comprehensive and intricate list (possibly with pictures), or be ready to escort him verbally through his phone.

Click and collect

@notangelinajolie

I need to be on call when my DH kindly goes to the shops for me. He needs a list because he doesn't concentrate and will have forgotten by the time he gets to the shop. He is totally puddled and tends to not read the food labels properly. He grabs the first thing on the shelf that looks about right. If the colour is right then that will do as far as he is concerned. Our 11 year old cat will often end up with kitten food. Ribena is often substituted with Vimto 😑 strawberry jam will become raspberry jam etc. He's been sending me WhatsApp photos of the shopping for me to vet before he pays which has helped a great deal. He doesn't do it on purpose - he's just not a details man. TBH it's quite endearing. Me and our DDs have bets on what he will come home with. Apart from that he's lovely

"kindly goes to the shops for me"???

I was going to say no never had it - and I haven't shopping but there have been occasions the behavior has occured.

I remember painting the house and he was fianlly helping - and he said he'd make lunch 30 questions later about a fucking ham sandwich I stopped painting and made my own - that happened a few times or we'd have words and somehow I'd be in the wrong.

I've had around kids pick up times - despite me having made it clear before hand or him being usual one to do it anyway. We had words when he managed to triple book the kids birthdays despite numerous conversations about plans and the dates being on the bloody calanders -and I've noticed it's always when I'm talking about upping work hours.

It happend a lot with kids and cooking and food - what can I feed them - I stopped that one with "well I'd suggest food".

Best advice do a list send him off and turn your phone off every time.

Are you married to a two year old, an idiot, a lazy so and so or just a prick?

All of you who are, just stop pandering to them. Needing to send a child with a grown man to shop is embarrassing for all concerned.

Sometimes I resort to putting photos in his shopping list in the hope that he will make it through an entire trip without calling. It’s already bad enough that o have to rewrite the list for him. If I just list milk, butter, eggs, he will call and ask for type and brand even though we buy the same ones every week.

@Apple31419 but the thing is I expect my DH to be a partner. That means he cooks and has an idea of what is in the cupboards and how ingredients will be used.
As a result, he can do the shopping all on his own.

He has however shown that he can indeed play dumb on purpose to get away from doing something. Like the day he claimed he couldn’t put the washing to go. We had just received a new washing machine, the instructions were right in front of him. And the man is a f* engineer!!

So is he useless? Nope.
Can he play at being useless and incompetent? Oh YEAH.

Tbh i think this may come from being worried it's not exactly what we want. He could be looking out for you.
Plenty of times I have asked DH to go to the shops on way home and he brings back the wrong thing, or something dirt cheap or something ridiculously expensive. I went mad at him once for buying cravendale for DS, might not seem much but if DS says he prefers that (which i do) thats an extra 50p every 2 days! He also once bought smart price cereal, which was awful. So now he always sends me pics to make sure he's getting the right thing.
Yes, I could go, but he's already out so I don't mind texting him back yes/no

Fortunately I married a grown up. He shops, he cleans, he cooks, he cares for his own children and he doesn’t need to be asked to do things. I am very grateful to his mother for raising an amazing man.

Neither I nor my DH have this mystical ability to just remember what groceries we need. We are forced, by our joint "incompetence", to sit down together at the kitchen table and make a meal plan, then make a shopping list for ingredients for the planned meals, then decide together what we'd be happy with as a substitute, eg sub burger buns with soft baps.

If there's something we've got too much of already we make a note not to buy it as a sub for something. And if an excess of something is bought by mistake, we just freeze it or find a way to use it.

Or are we just weird??

Mine isn’t too bad at shopping, we may have some deviation but seems to be able to use his own initiative. What he can’t do is look for anything properly. It’s sheer, fucking laziness. He has his own eyes. He ‘looks’ at the general area without seeing and shouts to me (never comes to the room I’m in, that fucks me off, too, it’s like he always expects me to go to him) to ask where it is as that’s easier than actually looking.

I’ve stopped answering or helping him look, incidentally I’ve also stopped putting anything he leaves on the side above the dishwasher into the dishwasher and I’ve stopped ‘delivering’ him anything to where he is in the house so he has to come and collect it (tea, sandwich, post etc.)

It’s like training a parrot. But I have noticed behaviours slowly starting to change. 😈

Also I fear OP, that he’s got you right where he wants you if you find his faux incompetence (reserved only for domestic tasks) ‘endearing’...

Why are ppl on here excusing useless lazy behaviour? Do these men behave like this at work? do they forget how to do their job? forget their colleagues roles? I doubt it!
They’re so used to the woman doing all these tasks they pay no attention, likewise the op claiming they can’t choose ham or coffee for someone they live with; did you never notice what’s in your cupboards or have you never shopped before?
Sheer laziness and avoidance. 🤬

@Winterwoollies

Also I fear OP, that he’s got you right where he wants you if you find his faux incompetence (reserved only for domestic tasks) ‘endearing’...

I think it was another poster, not the OP, who described as endearing the fact that her DH is incapable of shopping.

Yippeeforme
You're not alone or weird

DH and I also make lists. The person who is going shopping checks the cupboards, makes a list, asks if the other wants anything added and then does the shop.

We manage without regular phone calls and silly questions. We buy what is the best product for what we need and don't moan at each other for getting the wrong brand of beans or the wrong type of butter.

I'd go insane if I had to live with some of the men mentioned on this thread, and equally insane if I had a partner who whined at me for failing to get the specific brand of products without getting their approval first.

DH and I also load the dishwasher in different ways, hang laundry in different ways and the house hasn't fallen apart. Maybe we are weird.