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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to leave my bf?

112 replies

Trumanshow · 09/11/2020 22:14

So..he is 40+and still lives at home with his mum. He has 3 kids he sees for less than 24 hours a week and doesnt speak to them in between. He works on a building site..but doesnt achieve much as always being let go. He says hes always tired..he gets home about 5 and gets a takeaway (other than the 2 or 3 nights a week I see him and I cook) and is asleep by 9.he has no responsibilities other than work... I have a child and work part time..i dont sit down until 9 ish so we barely ever speak. When he is here and my daughter is he gets annoyed I put her first and make sure her bedtime routine is the same (mostly me reading her a story and saying her prayers) .ive complained about not ever seeing him or speaking to him (nearly 3 years and hes cheated on me 5 times) so hes announced he has to have doctors appointment and and I'm not being supportive apparently...Am I being very unreasonable just thinking hes a lazy shit (hes at least 7 stone over weight) he tells me all the time I'm a mess up and a loser.

OP posts:
WunWun · 10/11/2020 06:24

I don't know what you're talking about. He's a literal piece of shit loser and there isn't any vague reason to stay with him.

footprintsintheslow · 10/11/2020 07:04

You can have low self esteem and still get rid of him.

Please update us to say you've ended this madness.

KatherineJaneway · 10/11/2020 07:06

Tiredness in his case I suspect is actually laziness.

Reborn2020 · 10/11/2020 07:10

You know you should leave him. The question is what is stopping you

Cherrysoup · 10/11/2020 07:11

He sounds like a proper arsehole. You are worth more. .

GreenlandTheMovie · 10/11/2020 07:15

Why on earth did you go out with him in the first place? Are you mad? Getting involved with people like that I'd really bad for you, because it "trains" you to lower your standards.

Mummadeeze · 10/11/2020 07:24

I really feel for you. I am in a poor relationship too because my self esteem is low. But here are the things that stick out to me. Firstly, if you do manage to take control and end the relationship, this will help your self esteem. See it as a really brave achievement and big yourself up for it as lots of women including myself are paralysed in terms of making a break. Secondly, you don’t live together so that should make it easier. Thirdly, if you can’t do it for yourself, have your little girl top of mind. My partner is my DD’s dad and he is a loving and hands on Dad which is the main factor I am struggling to separate. Your partner seems to have no bond with your child and it will benefit her to have him out of your life. I used to think having a man in my life was essential but now I dream of freedom. It is within your grasp so take it.

TuMeke · 10/11/2020 07:30

OP, may I respectfully question what you mean by you love him?? From what you’ve described, there is literally nothing loveable about this godawful excuse for a man.

rebeccachoc · 10/11/2020 07:31

If a friend told you that her guy cheated on her 5 times, can't keep a job, gets jealous of time spent on a kid etc etc you'd scream at her get the hell out of there wouldn't you!

Monty27 · 10/11/2020 07:44

Oh just chuck him out fgs

crimsonlake · 10/11/2020 08:02

Could your standards be any lower? You must be really desperate to have a man in your life.

TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag · 10/11/2020 08:13

He’s verbally abusive
He’s a cheat who threatens to cheat again
He’s resentful of your child
He’s a crap dad to his own kids
He’s a lazy fucker
He spends hardly any time with you

What do you think you should do?

KitKatastrophe · 10/11/2020 08:17

He is a nice person sometimes

This is the only positive thing you've had to say about him and it's hardly glowing praise.

MoonJelly · 10/11/2020 08:17

How could you love someone who calls you a loser? Especially when the loser is actually him.

Yorkshirelass04 · 10/11/2020 08:18

Thank god he's had the snip!

notapizzaeater · 10/11/2020 08:21

Step away, you are worth so much more,

WitchWife · 10/11/2020 08:43

I knew his room (at his mum’s??) would be grim! If he was in a fairy tale he wouldn’t be the handsome prince or the helpful woodcutter, he’d be the goblin or troll covered in dirt and planning bad things for our hero (OP).

I don’t find this post at all like a joke, or hard to believe. Obviously some people on here haven’t ever seen (or been) really decent women so ground down by life they accept the barest crumbs of affection parcelled up with a sack of shit in the form of an awful man like this one.

OP I suggest you actually write out on paper a list of all the times he’s made you feel bad, sad, betrayed, alone, angry, worthless and so on. Each occasion. It will go on for pages. Then you need to get angry. Who is this part time waster to come into your and your daughter’s life and do this to you?

Then bin him off and enjoy the peace and joy of not having his trail of goblin slime in your life.

TheMaddHugger · 10/11/2020 08:56

It's Probably not that you love him

It's that he is familiar and you know what to expect

(((((((Mega Hugs)))))))🌺🌻🌺

Giraffey1 · 10/11/2020 10:47

I don’t think you do love him, OP. You thought you did once but now you’re just stuck in a very nasty rut where he has conditioned you into thinking all this is ok. It isn’t, it really isn’t. He doesn’t live with you, you aren’t married. Bin him. If not for your sake, then for your daughter’s!

CareBear50 · 10/11/2020 12:28

Phwoar. He sounds amazing

AzraiL · 10/11/2020 12:34

Of course he is nice to you sometimes, and pays for stuff sometimes, and is there for you sometimes.

How else is an overweight, abusive, manipulative, cheating, often unemployed, unhygienic deadbeat dad who still lives with his mum supposed to reel you in?

Please set the bar higher OP. He sounds like the worst.

Deadringer · 10/11/2020 12:34

This has to be a joke, surely there can't be a man in real life who is this shit.

Magicpaintbrush · 10/11/2020 12:42

WTAF?

He has cheated on you FIVE times.

He doesn't give two shit about his own kids and sees your dd as pain in the arse who he wishes would go away.

He's too lazy to keep a job or cook for himself (when he can get you to scurry around after him like some indentured servant).

He is treating you like an absolute fool because you are letting him. Surely you are wasting your life with this cheating, lying, lazy manchild who has zero respect for you? Especially one who doesn't give a crap about his own children - if he doesn't care about them he doesn't care about anybody, including you. You would be showing your dd a better example by dumping him and being on your own than letting her see you being treated like shit on his shoe. You deserve better than him, you need to raise your standards.

CrazyToast · 10/11/2020 12:42

He doesn't really work

He isnt good to his kids

He is resentful of your daughter

He cheated on you 5 times and threatens to do it again

He calls you names.

Come on. You know what to do.

Crankley · 10/11/2020 15:47

YABU to ask. Dump him and raise your bar higher for the next one.