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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable to leave my bf?

112 replies

Trumanshow · 09/11/2020 22:14

So..he is 40+and still lives at home with his mum. He has 3 kids he sees for less than 24 hours a week and doesnt speak to them in between. He works on a building site..but doesnt achieve much as always being let go. He says hes always tired..he gets home about 5 and gets a takeaway (other than the 2 or 3 nights a week I see him and I cook) and is asleep by 9.he has no responsibilities other than work... I have a child and work part time..i dont sit down until 9 ish so we barely ever speak. When he is here and my daughter is he gets annoyed I put her first and make sure her bedtime routine is the same (mostly me reading her a story and saying her prayers) .ive complained about not ever seeing him or speaking to him (nearly 3 years and hes cheated on me 5 times) so hes announced he has to have doctors appointment and and I'm not being supportive apparently...Am I being very unreasonable just thinking hes a lazy shit (hes at least 7 stone over weight) he tells me all the time I'm a mess up and a loser.

OP posts:
Butterbean11 · 09/11/2020 22:45

I can't find any reason why you're still with him. Not one redeeming feature.

Mulhollandmagoo · 09/11/2020 22:46

You're unreasonable not to have left him already!! Get gone, QUICKLY!

Waveysnail · 09/11/2020 22:46

And why are you with him?

StrippedFridge · 09/11/2020 22:46

Never been enough doesn't stop you from having had enough.

CrikeyPeg · 09/11/2020 22:47

Ewwww, I've got the ick just reading your post.

You are being majorly unreasonable to even be asking this question. Be done with him yesterday!

Cam2020 · 09/11/2020 22:47

YABU to stay! He sounds awful!

DrizzleandDamp · 09/11/2020 22:48

Well he’s not good with money is he, he’s leeching off his parents.

Buying you a coat isn’t really a big thing, sorry.

Sweetheart you can do so much better, and actually it isn’t about men, you need to leave him and be alone with your daughter for a while. Find your inner lioness and all that before gifting someone your time when you realise your worth.

HollowTalk · 09/11/2020 22:49

Re-read what you're saying, OP. He's completely useless. Dump him and move on.

HollowTalk · 09/11/2020 22:50

So when he comes to you and you cook, do you mean he has a free home cooked meal? And he buys you a coat... but if your food bills were lower you would have had enough money for your own coat.

CovidAnni · 09/11/2020 22:50

@Cam2020

YABU to stay! He sounds awful!
I yabued as well. He sounds awful.
DaddysGirlForLife · 09/11/2020 22:55

Oh Op. You deserve so much better than him. Flowers

Giraffey1 · 09/11/2020 22:57

Why are you even asking? Why are you even still seeing him? Get rid!

rosegoldivy · 09/11/2020 22:57

My mind was made up after "still lives with his mum"
Sorry OP it's a no from me. You can do better.

SandyY2K · 09/11/2020 23:03

nearly 3 years and hes cheated on me 5 times

Why on earth are you putting up with this?

I was going to say he's useless before I saw this. 3 kids...over 40 living st home...no stable job.

There comes a point where you have to divert attention back to yourself and explore why you think so little of yourself to stay with a serial cheat.

AlrightTreacle · 09/11/2020 23:04

Hes pretty good with money. He saves it all (!and gambles a bit)..he does help me out sometimes..like he brought me a coat when mine fell apart.

Easy to be "good with money" when he's probably paying his mum minimal rent, and doubt he'll be paying a penny more than he absolutely has to for child maintenance. So basically the majority of his income is disposable and he can afford to get a takeaway 4 or 5 nights a week.

Get rid OP, he sounds awful, especially how he tells you you're a mess up and a loser. That's emotional abuse and you don't need it in your life.

PoorMansPaulaRadcliffe · 09/11/2020 23:04

He'a pretty good with money, is he? He'd need to be, getting the sack all the fucking time. That's the worst part, for me - I'd be fucking humiliated to be with a bloke who constantly gets the push from his labouring jobs.

SandyY2K · 09/11/2020 23:07

5 times with the same person...and everytime I dont "do" what he wants he threatens me with her.

Not only a cheat, but manipulative as well. You do know his behaviour is abusive don't you?

Hes had snip so cant have more babies

This is the only positive about him. He can't procreate anymore.

BlueThistles · 09/11/2020 23:09

Get rid Flowers

Airyfairymarybeary · 09/11/2020 23:12

You deserve better than this, you know you do!

Phoenix76 · 09/11/2020 23:13

Think about the example you are showing your daughter, would you like her to end up with someone like this poor excuse of a human? Stop right now, get him out of your lives for you and her, you really don’t need him - believe!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 09/11/2020 23:16

You don't have a boyfriend.
You have a selfish male who pays for home-cooked food and sex by giving you a coat.
Stop feeding him. Save on groceries. Buy your own coat.

Trumanshow · 09/11/2020 23:23

Thank you all. My best friend lives on other side of world and she tells me this. Tonight been a bad night and needed some more advice. It's pretty unanimous. He is a nice person sometimes and I guess if he has something wrong with him the tiredness cant be helped...but my dad is nearly 70 and owns a construction company and works at least 70 hours a week..my bros do about 60 hours a week. They still function as parents and partners. I.had covid at the very start and luckily my family looked after my daughter. I couldnt leave the house and rang him one day crying because I had no more painkillers and no orange juice (which was only thing I could keep down)and was out of cat food and cat litter..and he wouldnt even drop them too me because he said his mums age meant he couldnt see me.. I didnt expect to.see him I just needed help (he lives 20 min drive away)

OP posts:
Chrissy1291 · 09/11/2020 23:24

Get rid!

madcatladyforever · 09/11/2020 23:28

I never fail to be astounded at the decent women on here who are with the shittest of shit men and are asking if they are being unreasonable.
I'd have fired him out of a canon long ago, why are you with this loser - your head needs a massive wobble.
Your daughter deserves better and what do you see in this cheating prince. It's laughable but I'm crying.

Porcupineinwaiting · 09/11/2020 23:30

YABU to value yourself so little you dont show this piece of shit the door. How could being single be worse?

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